Cold Water

WordLover Friday, 13 July 2012
I really love the prologue. You have found something a lot of author's struggle with: a voice. I can see a fifteen year old girl speaking like this, one who is pessimistic and perhaps wise for her age. I completely agree with Shannon below. The last few sentences really made the prologue.I'll keep reading.
Shannon K. Friday, 6 April 2012
I love the tone of the narrator's voice and the way you executed this prologue. The last sentence of the first paragraph and of the entire chap were really encapturing to me, I don't know why.
Steven Cash Saturday, 31 March 2012
Hmm.... Actually, that was pretty good. I will read the rest.
Liam Rae Saturday, 17 December 2011
I shall read this now...on to chapter one! YEAHYUH.
Andy Schwarzenbach Monday, 12 December 2011
I love it so far! Your details are amazing, you are a truly gifted writer.
Fictionwritter612 Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Woah.....that was like amazing. your detail and all that is awesome! :) Umm...not sure what else to say other than your talented! :)
Fictionwritter612 Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Woah.....that was like amazing. your detail and all that is awesome! :) Umm...not sure what else to say other than your talented! :)
Caroline Elise Monday, 1 August 2011
i'm hooked, already.
congrats on getting it published, this is def. going into my favorites! :)
PottermoreDreamer Friday, 1 July 2011
Wow. I can see why this got published... its fricking AWESOME!!!!
*retreats to kindle* is loading now!!!
you're an amazing author!
Melody♪♫ Sunday, 26 June 2011
OH WAIT never mind, you did self-publish!

I just wish more people knew and bought this book... >_<" (Really wishing I had a Kindle or something now to download it)
Melody♪♫ Sunday, 26 June 2011

I think you could've sold this to a better in, not an ebook publisher...although I can only imagine how hard it is to get your book published...

I wouldn't have sold it to an epublisher, though--you should have published it yourself and marketed it yourself, because this is a good book, and now I'm worried no one will ever know about it. D: Epublishers suck at marketing.
Daphne G Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Wow. That's all I can say
sweetpea Saturday, 31 July 2010
this is amazing!

added to favorites!
Kristina Wednesday, 7 July 2010
This is really good so far! I couldn't stop reading once I'd started. Your writing is very good, and I love how descriptive you are :)
Heather M. Sunday, 4 July 2010
This is so good so far, and I'm addicted to it so far. You're writing skills are amazing and I wish mine was as good as yours. I am going to read more. If you don't mind, could you check out with Forever and Always or Foolish Love. Very much appreciated, thanks. (:
The Lina Saturday, 3 July 2010
This is spectacular, and the first thing great about it was, well, the first paragraph.
I love how in the first paragraph and second paragraph she's describing freedom, and how it's not really all that it's made out to be.
And usually, I'm opposed to just stating the narrator's name in a story with "My name is", but her name is just so interesting that I overlooked it. I'm guessing that Hope represents how there's hope yet, even though she's all alone. And Winters for the cold? So hope in the cold? I know I'm probably reading too much into it, though. :P

And everything else was great as well. I did notice a lot of adverbs here and there, but still, the detail was perfect. I love how you describe her. To be steered clear of. I love her very dry tone.

And "It's easier than blaming myself." Truer words have never been spoken [or written].

Oh, in paragraph seven, the one that begins with, "You see, I lived...", the final sentence of that paragraph also begins with, "You see". I thought it was too repititive.

And you spelt it "Prolouge". I'm not sure if that's the correct spelling where you live, but I've generally seen it as "Prologue".

I really can't describe this better than really, really, really good. (:
Bamara Monday, 21 June 2010
Have not yet read half of the prologue, yet I can safely say that your writing reads well. I like the part about the "recycled river water" paragraph. And the whole little rant about freedom was great. I don't have time to read it now, but I will. However, as I've read from the reviews, you aren't going to finish it... why? It is pure evil,as someone on the comments said (it was on the chapters list page). Best of luck with your agent inquiries! :)
ajeebo Wednesday, 28 April 2010
ok...i have to admit that i havent read ikt yet but i read the intro and was intrigued........have exams so i'm gonna hit da books.......just lettin u knw dat it seems gr8!!! write on...
Adorkable Friday, 9 April 2010
I absolutely agree with everyone!
jlmh101 Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Love it Love it Love it! Your vocab, is, wow. The detail is amazingz!!!! so so good!!! keep writing!!!
Melody♪♫ Monday, 1 March 2010
Oh, my God, this is so well written! It reminds me when I actually did this (I turned back, though). I give it five stars! ^-^
Briley Saturday, 6 February 2010
holy crap this is good. Your first paragraph is set up perfectly and it is a great introduction into your story.
Candy Smiles Tuesday, 2 February 2010
You have talent in your writing. Keep writing. I give you 5 stars.
Candy Smiles Tuesday, 2 February 2010
You have talent in your writing. Keep writing. I give you 5 stars.
C.W. Knight Thursday, 31 December 2009
Wow! This is an amazing story, AnnmarieM! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Gone Saturday, 5 December 2009
It sounds really good.
You do have a talent, I will say that.
Anyhoo, I'm definitely going to read more.
Keep writing ! :D

P.S. Thanks for the comment on my book. Very much apperciated.

L.J Fallen Friday, 13 November 2009
Very well written. Impressive.
writer Sunday, 8 November 2009
you have a great vocabulary.
BirdsCanFly Sunday, 8 November 2009
i already heart this! i will keep reading.
really excellent for the first chapter, i love the charaters name and how she is.
Chris Moore Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Excellent start. I can't wait to read the rest.
ronniedomie Tuesday, 27 October 2009
This is really good. Don't even know what to say. You've left me speechless with just the first chapter
paul schoaff Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Sorry I didn't follow up before now. You shed the 'that's' and 'I's' quite a bit but, of course, need to edit for similar problems throughout. Where you have already smoothed and graded, I think you show a nimbleness of word and cadence that deserves for us all to read on, and read on we will.
Maria Carlton Monday, 21 September 2009
Loving it!!
sakura_child Sunday, 20 September 2009
its really good it give suspense and yet its amazing but yet at the same times its dramatic!
Amelle M. Friday, 18 September 2009
It's AMAZING! I really can't think of another word.
AnnmarieM Thursday, 10 September 2009
huh? What are you talking about? I got featured?
OH wait! Just checked the home page...OMG *has bit of an immature moment there* I got featured! I am unbelievably proud right now! Thanks guys, and thank you to who featured me, which is I'm guessing Aaron Cook... ^_^
Lizbee Thursday, 10 September 2009
Hey Annmarie
Just to say, congratulations for being featured - that's pretty amazing :)
AnnmarieM Saturday, 5 September 2009
Hello ^_^
Firstly, I'd just like to say that I have no idea what you see in this plotless story, but you guys are amazing and you leave the nicest comments. A lot of you have left constructive critism as well, which has been really helpful. I've tried to take into account everything that you've said to improve this story.

And to why I haven't posted any new chapters, and took three off without an explanation. The thing is, I've decided to try submitting to an agent or two. And in the very rare event that something happens, I can only have about 10% of the novel up here. No, I'm not submitting because I think I can be become a published author overnight. There are many stories on this site that are far more deserving of being published (e.g Walking to Karachi) but I still want to try, even if it's just for experience if nothing else.

So, no new chapters. I'm really, really sorry. However, if you are really into this story, you can private message me and I'd be happy to send the full thing to individuals as long as I trust that they won't plaguirise, steal etc...

Happy writing ^_^

Jesica Miller Saturday, 29 August 2009
jessisay Saturday, 22 August 2009
I can actually see this as a published book. It's amazing --your writing style makes me feel like I watching the book happening as it progresses.

Ashley M Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Thanks so much for commenting and rating my book. And thanks for the advice also, i will definatly have to try that :)

anyways, your story i really good, and you write very well. It grabs you attention at the begining, and you have a great opening paragraph. And i loved the joke about the vampire :)
Emily Collins Monday, 17 August 2009
This is really, really good! The story has a really interesting plot line, and I'm sure will do great! Would you give me advice on mine, too? It's called Ozmora.
K. Erin Sunday, 16 August 2009
i'll read it asap
adfkjhjklfds Sunday, 16 August 2009
Your writing style is really good and the story is very interesting also :D
Best of luck with it!!!
Lizbee Thursday, 13 August 2009
Hi annmarie
Wow, and well done for being in the highest rated list, you really deserve to be :) I was reading the opening again and even tho i've read it before its amazing! I was wondering did you do a lot of editing to it before you put it up? I'm not sure if I have already read all of these chapters or not...? I'm sure a publisher will take notice of this soon.
Shade Violet Thursday, 13 August 2009
Wow, this was really good, I loved it! If you could check out my new stories, Eleventh Times the Charm. that would be great! Thanks for posting on mine!
jessisay Thursday, 13 August 2009
Wow, this is actually very interesting!
Lollie Tuesday, 11 August 2009
This is a great insight into this character. Many teens would be able to connect to this character with this chapter alone. I will read more.
~Kristin~ Saturday, 8 August 2009
This chapter was written very well. and it was very informal. I cant see anything wrong with the piece.

keep writing.
I love Colby-Feta cheese Friday, 7 August 2009
WOW, Thus a amazing peice of work.

Write more, PLEASE. Thanks for reading my book, Pink.

The fluffy cow.
Frost White Thursday, 6 August 2009
Wow, beautiful. Very well written and intriguing.
It's perfectly relatable, and no grammar errors spotted!
I love your sense of humor. Dark.
The story goes along at a very nice pace and flows well. Can't wait to read more! :]
Brittney Night Thursday, 6 August 2009
Amazeing great Job!! I love it
Tess Kiely Thursday, 6 August 2009
Wow! I've only read the first chapter but I love it! It was amazing!
WRITE ON! Wednesday, 5 August 2009
WOW! That was just--wow. What else can i say? You made me feel for the main character in a way that was just, perfect really. And that my dear, is all i got. You have skill and a large amount of talent. Use them wisely ;)

Tin~ Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Honestly, this story had me at 'hello.' It was a -really- gripping beginning! I read the first paragraph and was totally engrossed, which I think is so important. I loved the character too, and the bleak humour at some points of this. As for the comments made about description, I like your use of descriptive prose. I really think it adds to the story. I'm hooked!
Nikki L. Tuesday, 4 August 2009
It is all written very well. I especially like how Hope describes life and freedom in the prologue. I would buy this book!
Mary-Annalee DiGiovanni Monday, 3 August 2009
Good grief. i see nothing wrong with this so far. has joejoe's comment dissapeared?

anyway, a great piece; i would reccomend this to anyone who asked me what a good book on this site was.
Alissa Ryan Sunday, 2 August 2009
This is lovely! I completely disagree with joejoe; the length of your description (as well as its high quality) shows your maturity in the writing world. Everyone knows that you're no stranger to good novel writing because of your descriptions. That's what a story is: painting a picture for the reading, pulling them into your world, making them forget about the homework they have due tomorrow that needs to get done or their favorite TV show that's coming on in half an hour.
You've done excellent, Annmarie. Oh, and gorgeous name by the way. I've heard of Annemarie but Annmarie isn't a common name where I live (upstate NY). Anyway, you've done a great job on this so far. Usually when I rate and comment I don't read the whole thing (I'm not a big fan of reading a lot of stuff on here) but you've made me want to read more! Only two other books made me want to read more: Immortals Saga Book 1: Immortal (or something like that) by Allison Cassata and True Memoirs of a Liar by C Lawson. Those two are right up there on the first page the highest rated and this should be too. It's too bad that some people don't like this (as in joejoe and others). I think that if very descriptive isn't joejoe's taste then he/she shouldn't read this. I on the other hand love description. It's probably a writer thing.

Thanks for your comment on Crash! I have read My Sister's Keeper and I kind of get some of my inspiration from Jodi Picoult for my more dramatic, medical-related novels (Crash, Do You Trust Me which is deleted now but I can put it back up if you want me to - just let me know). I've been dying to read Handle With Care (I read a preview in the back of a new version of My Sister's Keeper) and Keeping Faith (I own it but I haven't read it yet).

Keep up the amazing work and I was wondering if you could check out my book Roar? I don't really know if that type of book is really your taste but it doesn't have any ratings yet and I would love to get some ratings so I can attract more people to it. Thanks!
Stella Emerson Saturday, 1 August 2009
This is an awesome beginning. You've got a good idea and you're doing cool things with it. I'm highly anticipating the rest.
Nova Saturday, 1 August 2009
This is an interesting beginning, and I have to say I will be reading more. Good job,
Also, would you mind checking out my book, The Book of the Dead?
Cara H Saturday, 1 August 2009
Yours was a joy to read. The writing was good and it sounds professional. Keep working at it.
Scarlet Blaze Saturday, 1 August 2009
I think it was good, but I hate it when people suddenly out of nowhere, said My name is so and so, and I'm such and such old. It's very uncreative. You could like have someone call out her name, or something.
LuvWeezy7 Friday, 31 July 2009
Very detailed! And Interesting! I like it! ♥ :)
Alyssa Datcher Friday, 31 July 2009
OK this is sooo good, I expect to see it on the book shelves soon..
SO well detailed...
Armageddon89 Friday, 31 July 2009
I like it =] Detailed and very well put together!
Franny Y. Thursday, 30 July 2009
Omg. o-o You are actually God.

(sorry for the blasphemy).
Cam Thursday, 30 July 2009
This is pretty impressive. You're fifteen, and of all the writing I have read on this site, this is certainly the best. It just so ... good. There's nothing for me to crit on, and believe me, I do it all the time.
This is just beautiful, beautiful writing. And if you do not get published, I will wonder what is wrong with today's publishing world. Lol.
That's my rambling done. Onto the next chapter :)
Claire Winters Monday, 27 July 2009
Wow this is amazing. Its completely gripping and thats just the prologue, i can't wait to read the rest! :D

If you get a chance i would love it if you could rate my book(so). But you don't have to though.

Anywhoo keep writing :D

Burn The Truth Sunday, 26 July 2009
This is one of the most beautiful prologues i have ever read. I think it is lovely and that you have some great talent.

I really enjoyed the summary and i am looking forward to the first chapter.
WordLover Friday, 13 July 2012
I love the tone, and strangely enough, your writing reminds me of mine a little, not so much like the work I have on here, but more recent stuff. I'm comfortable with the way your right for that reason, and it's seamless. I do think the premise is a little weird. People don't generally take someone into their house because they don't have a cell phone. They'd call out for help, and I feel like Hope should be just a tad bit more alarmed, but then again, she is probably not the normal teenager.
Shannon K. Friday, 6 April 2012
Lovely. Really. I love the dialogue. "I was eating pie at the time" is seriously the best quote ever. XDD
When she was waking up, I thought it was a bit too slow and superfluous. Having her say, "My throat stung" instead of the latter would've gotten the idea across without so many words, but other then that, beyond the waking the detail was just right.
magicalwriter16 Monday, 26 September 2011
I def liked this start of the book better then your other. I love this one and will plan on buying it for my kindle on my phone. You did very well!
nancydrew4ever Thursday, 30 June 2011
wow. That was really good. I liked all the detail that you used. It was really nicely done!
Queen Steiny Saturday, 31 July 2010
love love love love love love love
ajeebo Friday, 21 May 2010
hey......its greaat so far, the character is being fleshed out pretty well, good job.
C.W. Knight Sunday, 3 January 2010
Sorry it took me so long to read this chapter. Anyway, it was a very good chapter and I can't wait to read more!
Love2Read Sunday, 6 December 2009
Your a really good writer! I was immediately hooked from the first paragraph! Keep writing!
Lara Sunday, 29 November 2009
Wow, I love this :)
nachocamacho Sunday, 15 November 2009
i like this a lot :)
L.J Fallen Friday, 13 November 2009
Awesome writing. Very clear, visual and readable. I just have to say WOW!

If you could check out my book that would be awesome, although now I'm feeling like it pales in comparison.
Chris Moore Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Definately worthy of publishing...send if off. You never know!
Breeze Wednesday, 30 September 2009
I love it! Your characters seem so real, especially Hope. I swear I can relate to her, only thing I'm not as mean ^_^. Her attitude makes you want to konw everything about her, mainly the reason why she acts the way she does.
I can't wait to read more. keep up the good work.
paul schoaff Thursday, 24 September 2009
the first paragraph is full of unnecessary words. Try eliminating all the 'that''s.

Generally, you overuse 'I' as well.

Knowx3 Sunday, 20 September 2009
I'm really enamored with the main character. The way she explains the way people see her at school is something I definitely can relate to, and as soon as Ash's full name is given, I thought the exact same thing- "He's named for a tree." She's witty and amusing, and Ash's seeming compulsion to give half-answers sets the stage for her clever comebacks. I enjoyed this. ^_^
Emilie Cavin Thursday, 3 September 2009
Oh. My. God. This is A-MA-ZING x10 It's Probably my favourite story on this site!

P.S I'm adding it to my favs. Can you read mine? It would make me feel special!
<3 Saturday, 29 August 2009
Very good details, and interesting start.(: Thank you for giving me that grammer advice, I always do that with 'Special' Don't know why...that's the on word a have trouble with. xD
Ranko-chan Thursday, 27 August 2009
very good details :) a couple grammatical errors but nothing too horrible, and I love the way you describe your character and her surroundings! I can't wait to hear more!
-A Sunday, 23 August 2009
hey... i was just wondering....but what time period is this in? it didn't mention anything about caller id..... idk if it's just because i happen to be watching brokeback moutain at the time im reading this, or waht.

(sorry if this insults you?)

anwyas, I love this! it is sooooo utterly delicious! I'm going to add this to my favorites. :)

Oh, I just remembered!!!!! I also thought that this was olden times because of the strange names. but i may be going crrazy because you said stuff about driving in the chapter. sorry this is such a long and boring comment, i tend to ramble..... . . :(
again, I like this book! can't wait to read the rest of it!

oh and don't make fun of me for watching brokeback mountain, i just turned it on because ive never seen it, heath ledger's in it, and because everyone always makes fun of it.
(haha wow now i know who wears the pants in their relationship! ahahahaha heath..... RIP)
sorry if you actually read all of this crap.. told you i ramble!
Mikhaila Cartiers Saturday, 15 August 2009
I really like this. You have a wonderful style of writing. The end of the chapter should have something that makes the readers want to keep reading, it almost seems to just end. It is a great story though. Keep up the good work.

Thx for commenting on my story (:
Potassium Thursday, 13 August 2009
ah i like this. your writing style makes me feel comfortable, and i can understand what you say and why you say it. perhaps you might consider adding more to the end of the chapter. it seems to stop so abruptly, it almost feels unnatural, as if the rest got cut off by accident. just a suggestion. great work! keep it up!!!
and thanks for rating my story and commenting! i really appreciate it! and sorry it took me forever to reply. ive been busy lately haha
Ilya Kralinsky Tuesday, 4 August 2009
Wonderful writing style you have here, I just felt like the ideas could have been expressed with much less verbiage. Did I not think you have tremendous potential, I would not give the time to say such, but all very good. See my website for tips about the verbiage, it's just my name, one word, dot-com. But you absolutely must forge ahead, you absolutely must keep with your art. No matter how far along you get, it is just a constant development towards artistic perfection. We are all developing forward, and you deserve the notice to do so. Thank you for your kind words for me, also. Many thanks.
Stella Emerson Saturday, 1 August 2009
Your story is really amazing, with the perfect amount of twists and inserted descriptions. Go for it with the publisher, I know you can work it out!
Thetotty_x3 Saturday, 1 August 2009
so descriptive and very intresting, i like your style!!
keep up the good work and go 4 it with a publisher!! xx
no one Saturday, 1 August 2009
lol! i like it theres alot of humor in this chapter lol!
"thas an odd name."
"im not named after a tree"
"tuoche.." lmao! i like it 5+!!!!all the way! awsome cover too!
Cam Thursday, 30 July 2009
This as well was very very good. I don't usually enjoy books written in the present, but this was just so good that it kinda didn't matter. It works well that way anyway.
Burn The Truth Tuesday, 28 July 2009
I think this was as lovely.

Since you have already written it, maybe you should search on the web on how to try getting it published. I don't think this website is really ....useful if you want to get published (just my real honest opinion)

Apparently, publishers don't look at work that has been posted online for free and available to everyone. But everyone has their opinions. You may wish to post it all online, get some feedback and then remove it and then try getting it published.

ps....i like your title.

Claire Winters Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Love the new chapter :D Just as good as the first. And just so you know i think you have a really good chance of getting published if the rest of your book is as amaing as what i've read so far. But i don't think the thing about publishers looking on this site is true though.
Voir travers le verre. Tuesday, 28 July 2009
I think this is great..amazing is a better word for it, Its so descriptive, I feel like I'm with Hope while im reading this. I love the way you start it off, It reminds me of the way I think sometimes. The only flaw I caught was the extra L in dialing, besides that I loved it. Please get it published, I feel that with your talent a publisher wont be able to turn this down.
WordLover Friday, 13 July 2012
Now that I've said I like the tone and voice of the main character, I will say that I like Hope and her characterization. I can't say much for Ash yet.
Bronze Thursday, 17 May 2012
I'm no going to say anything that's been said before, just that I like Hope a lot; she relates to me.
pursuitofstories Friday, 16 December 2011
Really good.
slmn Wednesday, 2 November 2011
so gonna buy it
Lowshie Saturday, 25 June 2011
loving it more :)
harrypotterluver Tuesday, 21 June 2011
this is amazing!!! happy it might get published yet sad at the same time because i can no longer read it:( amazing writing though please alert us if it does get published though i would love to read it!
Queen Steiny Saturday, 31 July 2010
i hope it gets published, i would definatly buy it :)
katconwell Thursday, 8 July 2010
Argh. And I like this one, too :P
AnnmarieM Saturday, 26 June 2010
Hey, so I just wanted to apologize to everyone for not updating, as ajeebo pointed out. Please understand, I would post the whole thing if I could, but then I'd completely ruin my chances of ever getting published due to copyright issues, and I don't want to sound hardheaded or anything but I do want to keep trying. So yeah, I'm really sorry :(
Juliette LaBelle Friday, 4 June 2010
It was going good until you cut it short.
Nicole :D Saturday, 22 May 2010
Great so far! Read my works?!
ajeebo Friday, 21 May 2010
its pure evil how u get readers hooked on books and den tell them that u wont b updating it....
Michellex33 Thursday, 20 May 2010
okay, i was wrong. I DIDNT comment! lol well anyway....I LOVE THIS BOOK! write more, you ever update!
authorella Friday, 16 April 2010
Well done on getting interest this is a really nice story so far. I wish I could have read more. Good luck! :)
Burn The Truth Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Congrats with the agent request. Thats amazing!
cinnamon zombie Wednesday, 24 March 2010
-shakes fist like an angry old man-
potatoes78 Monday, 8 March 2010
This is great so far! I love it. Please write more soon. It's really interesting and I want to read more! =]
Tara Monday, 8 March 2010
Omg, This is amazing! So wonderfully written! It makes me feel like a horrible writer! :) I'd really appresiate it if you looked at some of my books too, even if they dont overtake yours ;)
nah man Tuesday, 2 March 2010

AnnmarieM Monday, 8 February 2010
Just wanted to let you guys know that I haven't disappeared off the face of the internet, and that I still check back here every so often to read all of your cooments. Thank you, guys, you have officially made my year :)
C. Hirsch Friday, 5 February 2010
OK, you really have to update this soon, or I will go insane, k?
Meriah Cooper Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Amazing!!! Great writing! Keep going, this is a great start!
Much <3
crazy_monkey_momo Sunday, 22 November 2009
wow i really like this book its addiktive and intresting i give it 100 out of 10 can u plz have a read of my two books and leave a comment i like writing but i dont know if im good anufe and i would like someone how knows how to write intresting books to tell me if im doing good plz but btw when do u think ill be able to buy your book
Nrox12 Monday, 16 November 2009
This is the start of a great book, I had never read a book that had a pessimist as a main character, and it was interesting (well I read generation dead but that was in third person) I could actually relate to the main character's pessimism, although I doubt I will start wearing head to toe
black and excessively use eyeliner. This is a wonderful start, and I hope you will add to it soon!
nachocamacho Sunday, 15 November 2009
well when it comes out ill buy it. :)
L.J Fallen Friday, 13 November 2009
Reads like a good story. great writing and at this point I would keep reading if there was more up. Although the female is rather gloomy, cheerful Ash adds something special to the story and I want to know more about him. Great writing.
BirdsCanFly Sunday, 8 November 2009
hope you write more soon! :] i would so totally buy this book,its simply amazing.
AS Friday, 6 November 2009
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Pretty please can you send it to me individually. This is amazing, i really love it. I wish you the best of luck in publishing, and don't be so negative, this story is soooooo, NOT AMATEURISH!
Please can you send it to me, and i love it again, gee i'm speechless, i'm never speechless. LOVE IT!!! ;)
AnnmarieM Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Well, I seem to have had this sudden influx of comments/ratings, which I'm very glad about :) Just thought I'd write a general note to thank everyone who have left such helpful comments. Thanks Scotty Alister (hey, you've changed your username) for all of your comments and critique. I have attempted to eliminate more of the 'I's in later chapters. And to Nadyn: thanks for pointing that out, I've gone back and changed it in my version of the book.
And (sort of) in reply to a comment from Chris Moore...I have actually already sent it off to a few agents, and am currently waiting on word back from a full request :) I doubt anything will come of it, but if it does I shall post it up on here.
Thanks, everyone
libbylou. Saturday, 31 October 2009
wow this was so good... your crazy if you ever stop writing your brillant...... please send me the whole sotry!!! im hooked :)
Nadyn Thursday, 29 October 2009
This was an amazing start to what i'm sure is an amazing book.
You have such a way with words.
I would love to read the rest.

I'd just like to point two things the first chapter, well prologue, the last sentence of the 4th paragraph, i think, the don't should be didn't. It makes sense to put don't but you're changing tenses. Was so that i don't. past to present..sounds somewhat confusing.
And in the third chapter, or chapter 2, in the third paragraph..By the time the headache and aching has subsided....has should be have because it's plural.

But all in all, this was an amazing read, exceptionally written and like i said, would love to read the rest (:
Emmsterr! Saturday, 10 October 2009
Wow, nice start.
I'd love to read the rest! :D
Brianna Saturday, 26 September 2009
Can you send me the whole story please????????
Ophillia Laine Saturday, 19 September 2009
Wow, I really enjoy reading your work. I love your imagery and style, and your language is very concise. I would definately love to read the whole version of this story someday. Good job. : )
Emily Collins Friday, 18 September 2009
I really loved your story, and you totally deserved the feature! You show a lot of talent, and I can't wait to see your book on a shelf at the bookstore one day! Just watch out for a few grammar problems, and you have an amazing novel.

- Eliza

P.S. Would you mind reading my novel A Shadow in the Light? I'd really appreciate it :D
A.E. Eidem Sunday, 13 September 2009
Thats a really good book. I made another chapter in my book The Leys and I was wondering if yo could read and comment on it. I also took your advice and made the chapter longer than the others.
emily! Sunday, 13 September 2009
hi! this story is really really good!gud luck with submitting to agents! I can c this book being published! keep up da gud work!
A.E. Eidem Sunday, 13 September 2009
I would like to invite you to read my book The Leys...A normal everyday rich clique is visited by a celeb who may just get them what they want...I will be making updates soon. I can sure you I have more than one chapter already. Hope you enjoy. And if there is anything you want me to comment or read of yours just rate mine, comment, and leave the name of your book and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you. If there is anything else just send me back a message.
From a writer who loves her job,
Amy E.
Flower. Saturday, 12 September 2009
I just wanted to say, congrats on getting featured, you deserve it. Great job, and good luck with finding a publisher. ; )
AnnmarieM Saturday, 12 September 2009
Hey...thank you so much to everyone who's been leaving these notes about the featuring :) I've been in a bit of a happy bubble ever since, which I'm sure has thoroughly annoyed Lizbee out her mind since I'm now even more distracting in lessons :) I'm really grateful to Aaron Cook (I guess he's the person who features stuff) and everyone who's commented and rated. I love you guys ^_^
Burn The Truth Friday, 11 September 2009
Great you're featured the cover
Tess Kiely Friday, 11 September 2009
I'm jealous, *pouts for second* But OMG!! (sorry! I love exclamation marks!!!!!...!!) :D Congratulations!
Tess Kiely Friday, 11 September 2009
OMG! You got featured!
Cam Thursday, 10 September 2009
Congrats at getting featured xD
IyadHarb95 Monday, 7 September 2009
This book is great. Truly worth publishing!
Could you please read and comment my story, I would really appreciate it
Tess Kiely Wednesday, 2 September 2009
please add more soon! I love it!
Flower. Saturday, 22 August 2009
I really like what I've read so far, and I'm definitely going to read more. Good job!

Also, would you mind reading my book?
Frost White Wednesday, 19 August 2009
I usually don't like to read in first person; it can get pretty pretentious. But WOW you are amazing! Hope has a twisted sense of humor that's amusing and sad at the same time.. I absolutely can't wait to read more. Write on! :]
Nova Wednesday, 5 August 2009
This is great, I love your plot (or what I think will happen in this book with a non-existent plot, as your A/N said) and your description and I also think you have a great writing style. I think you have potential, and I would buy your book even if I'd already read it on here.

Also, I don't mean to be one of those pushy people that bug you at every turn to read their book, but would you read mine? It's called, The Book of the Dead.
paul schoaff Monday, 3 August 2009
quite well executed, considering not much is happening. I'll leave you a (perhaps) more helpful note privately....pes
Stella Emerson Saturday, 1 August 2009
No need to fear that your work isn't good enough! I really love this book. ^-^
L.J. Valente Friday, 31 July 2009
very good. extremely descriptive, which gives a great sense of scene
Cam Thursday, 30 July 2009
Another chapter that keeps up with expectations.
Love it :)
Burn The Truth Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Why on earth are you putting your own work down and calling it bland and dull. You said you finished the book. I'm sure it's a nice book.

Looking forward to the next one. You are very good at description, something that a lot of the stories on this site lack. Again, try publishing it....there's no harm....
WordLover Friday, 13 July 2012
The dialogue was the star in this chapter. Great and congrats on the self-publishing. The thing is, even if you did have more chapters up, I'm not dying to continue. It's good, but the book does start off slowly. I guess my opinion doesn't matter much at this point, though.
Bronze Saturday, 2 June 2012
Chapter 3, paragraph 4: you misspelled pajamas. Illiterate.
Okay, you're not quite illiterate. So sue me. I exaggerate sometimes. More like Criticize.
Shannon K. Friday, 6 April 2012
Awesome. I love the teaser. I would buy this book if it were in print. I actually can't purchase it (don't have a kindle and if I did, I couldn't anyway due to dial-up : fml, right? XD)
But seriously, this ever gets in print, tell me, okay? :) I'll probably read more of your books later.
Steven Cash Saturday, 31 March 2012
Contests on the self publishing. I will definitely consider buying.
pursuitofstories Friday, 16 December 2011
Omigod- amazing *adds to favourites*

C.W Gibbon Sunday, 11 December 2011
awsomeist (if its a word) book ever
N.V.S Monday, 5 December 2011
This is awesome!!!
Daylight Dreamer Sunday, 30 August 2009
Very well written! :)
Sketch Wednesday, 26 August 2009
actually, after rethinking the plot, and the character development you have here.... 4.5... I'll read it again, and then think and then I'll probably give it a 5... I like to over analyze plots, and morals and the like.
Sketch Wednesday, 26 August 2009
very nice, when i get the chance to read this again, I will comment on more specific things. but very well done. I have marked this in my favorites. I will comment more on it in the future.. but in the meantime.... 4 stars! very good.
cinnamon zombie Monday, 17 August 2009
fuhhh. update soon.
Dell Ann Raye Thursday, 13 August 2009
Wow Great Writing! You are very talented keep it up!
Dell anne raye
AnnmarieM Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Ok...this is going to be long, but I'll attempt to answer all of my comments for this chapter, starting from the newest.

Cam: Whoop whoop you've got internet Cam ^_^ And thanks, you're right, it's got no plot at all, but hey, people still read on despite that fact so it must be worth something (I hope so anyway). And hey, anyone who reads this can tell it's pulp fiction, aimed at teenagers rather than people who prefer books that stimulate the mind. I will attempt some sort of side plot later on though. Thanks for the comment :)

Tough critic: the first part of your comment amused me :) But apart from that, I've already messaged you in reply to your comment.

Stella Emerson: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the chapter. I'm going to attempt to develop the other two sisters later on, hopefully.

Kanesha123: Boy next dorsy? lol, not quite sure what that is, but thanks for the feedback :) lol, I swear this is going to end up in a big debate over whether or not this book actually has a plot or not.

Paul Schoaff: I agree with that, but hopefully they do reply. And by the way, this IS the edited version. The first version...urgh, you guys are lucky I didn't put it up here. It had even LESS of plot, if that's possible. And speaking of the plot, 'shall I stay here or not' isn't the plot, it's what happens that causes her to make her decision in the end that is the plot (well, kind of anyway).

Lollie: Glad you enjoyed the chapter! Hope you like the rest as well ^_^ fingers are tired now.
Cam Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Whoop go Annemarie :P

Yeah, this was good. Although I do not go bouncy and scream every time I read two lines, this was still very good. I know people are saying that there is no plot, but its still a good read. I mean, people like it. Thats what counts right? And you like it, as you said in your last chapter. Maybe try and add a little twist here and there, but up to now you are doing superbly.
Well done :)
toughcritic Monday, 10 August 2009
I read and I read and I read and I ask myself "why?" "why am I reading this?"

'Well, she writes so prettily', I say, and, I reply "But nothing happens!" "Has she forgotten that there has to be a conflict for there to be a story?"

I'll pass on the rating, because I don't want to spoil your praise-party. If I were a teenaged girl, I bet I'd buy this book twice a day for a week and scream and go all bouncy every time I read a line or two. But, I'm not, I actually like to find a story in the books I read, or, at least, a hint that one might actually be in the next chapter.

I also want to complain, being new to the site, that someone who posts a few chapters of work can say they have a book. And, that those few chapters can be evaluated against actual books that are on the same site that have full development and which, apparently, were posted after they were written, not written because someone was pleading for you to post another chapter. How can this rate 5 stars and Man, Magician, etc. also rate 5 stars? I will rate this book after I see that it is all there.
Stella Emerson Monday, 10 August 2009
This was an really cool chapter! Plot development is so much fun ^-^ I like Dawn, because I like the choice she gave Hope, but I still don't like Lily or Faith. Ash is better than ever :)
Kanesha<3 Sunday, 9 August 2009
i like it.

Good way of progressing the plot by making Hope pick where she wants to stay.

Dawn sounds nice. (too early to tell)

I can't wait for this to progress some more.

Ash is very boy next doorsy :)
paul schoaff Sunday, 9 August 2009
The worst part is not even getting rejected, just ignored.

I suspect when you begin preparing this MSS for submission, you'll edit out about 50 percent of the internal dialog. You tend to tell us the same things about your protags personality too many times.

Yes, it was time for some plot, though I'm not sure if "shall I stay here or not?" qualifies as plot.

Voir travers le verre. Saturday, 8 August 2009
Another wonderful chapter! (If thats a strong enought word!) Dawn sounds nice, I like her.. and the pic ^ there fits Ash, in my perspective. Anyways, Good job on getting the highest rated list, you deserved it..
Tess Kiely Saturday, 8 August 2009
I have knee-high stripy rainbow socks and knee-high blue socks with cherries! I love them! Sometimes I even wear one of each :D I love the new chapters!
Burn The Truth Saturday, 8 August 2009
I loved the development in this chapter. Ash sounds a little more alive (if that makes sense) It suits his character well.

Dawn is lovely i think. She seems very nice.

Ps. Congrats for making it so far up on the Highest rated list. You deserve to "inflate your ego"

Good Job ^_^

And Ash looks interesting.

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