Comments
the world within me

 
Garçon Thursday, 9 January 2014
These help me connect with my spiritual side. Despite the differences in how we seek divinity, it still propels me towards these religious thoughts and allows me to ask myself important questions. thanks
 
Stuart Lewsey Evans Tuesday, 7 January 2014
I am not religious in anyway but these poems are moving and so special, thank you for sharing them with us.
 
jdlvfmbk Monday, 11 March 2013
A spectacle! It inspires me so much. XDD. Keep up!
 
Rabid Weasel Sunday, 20 January 2013
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()()()()()()()() xcellent
 
Rabid Weasel Sunday, 20 January 2013
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It is a decent book so far.
 
black fire night Sunday, 9 December 2012
Wow I never knew how much talent people have until I came on to this wed site and I have to say that your one of them. :) and if you don't mind check out some of my books my user name is ravenlight and I hope that you'll have a successful life head of you.
 
Rebecca Roland Thursday, 4 October 2012
I loved this. The juxtaposition between God and pain that I saw was stunning.
Yak Saturday, 23 June 2012
(\_/)
(^.^)
I liked it loads!
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
 
Emily C. Ouillette Tuesday, 12 June 2012
-Free Read-

Title: Catching, interesting, incorrect! Should be: The World Within Me.

Content-- First poem: It looks like you are trying for a rhyming set ABCB poem, but I’m not feeling it. It sounds like you are trying to hard to make things rhyme. Listen, I know the feeling, but remember: not everything has to rhyme!

Try making an extra pace between versus? That would make it easier for me (as the reader) to read.

I feel like punctuating this would make it more rich. Sure, not all poetry needs to be punctuated, but it would rally make this easier to read. E.g.:
[Who was out there
In the darkness of the night?
In the silence of the cold,
I lost all my might.] <- This line might sound better as: [Is where I lost all my might.]

Simply, meadow and tomorrow do not rhyme…

Again, on the third verse you are pushing the rhyme. Find a way to make this smooth!

Verse four sounded slightly forced, but it was better.

Verse five, people and feeble do not rhyme.

[But netheless…] Erm… did you mean nonetheless?

So over all, you have quite a few good lines here. Editing is a must, though! Read over out loud! Notice the lack of flow with the rhyme. Notice how it’s a little off beat. Notice and do something about it! You have a promising future, and I can see you’ve got talent, it’s just a matter of when you will really put that talent down on paper.

-Emily C. Ouillette
 
Alice in Paramore Saturday, 4 June 2011
This poem is so beautiful! I love it! 5 stars for you cause your poetry is awesome!
Taz... Sunday, 25 July 2010
btw, can you please check out my poems if you happen to get the chance ;)
Taz... Sunday, 25 July 2010
i know its annoying, but i have to say this, can you please put in some commas in the right places. its a great poem, but you need to add some punctuation in order to create a rhythm. otherwise, the content is brilliant!
penny Wednesday, 2 June 2010
wow great! did u write all dis??????? oh and check out my books if u gat a chance.
penny Wednesday, 2 June 2010
wow great! did u write all dis??????? oh and check out my books if u gat a chance.
penny Wednesday, 2 June 2010
wow great! did u write all dis??????? oh and check out my books if u gat a chance.
penny Wednesday, 2 June 2010
wow great! did u write all dis??????? oh and check out my books if u gat a chance.
 
Vylet Mills Sunday, 29 November 2009
this is really good, your very talented. can you please check out my poem i reccently posted.
 
Tatchania Tuesday, 2 June 2009
I thin this desplays the desperateness for God. Very amazing. Maybe you could check out my charector sketch of God and my poem called LIVE they sound right up your alley and I'd love your feedback.
Amazing poem :)
 
M.R. May Friday, 2 January 2009
This is really really good. Of course, I can't write poetry to save my life. You capture the emotions very well and the rhythm flows.
 
Stephen Delee Monday, 15 March 2010
I quite like your rhyme, though the meter makes it seem to flow choppily at parts (particularly "The wind blew cold and yet still" and the environs of "Away to dusk it has flown").. in all, interesting poem
 
del Friday, 25 June 2010
Nice. i wish i could write like that....
 
Tatchania Tuesday, 2 June 2009
This poem is very heart-warming. Great Job. :)
Maria Kashouga Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Good job! =)
I love the way the rhymes are put in :)

Read my poems, hope u like them :)
 
BirdsCanFly Tuesday, 3 November 2009
I Love this poem,
this is beautiful and just amazing.
really good poem very inspiring.
(:
-san
kaz Monday, 12 January 2009
i really like your work it's very nice reading it good job
 
He Will Add Thursday, 17 April 2014
Love your style :)) So inspirational!
kaz Monday, 12 January 2009
very touching
 
kallen Fingars Monday, 25 February 2013
WOW!
 
________ Saturday, 22 October 2011
Though bittersweet, the poem ultimately has a positive message and outcome. Without having to tell the reader, one can tell the themes of friendship, trust, and maturing are riddled throughout its structure. This was another enjoyable read. If I have any advice/constructive criticism to offer, I would say do not always try to confine your poems to a strict rhyming scheme. It's not always needed as just playing with the words can get your point across just fine. If you restrict yourself too much, it might even change the mood/message of what you're trying to say. I run into this myself on occasion and try to break out of it when I begin to see it becoming a problem. A beautiful and heartwarming poem, nonetheless! Friendship is one of the most powerful and touching themes one can explore.
 
Mary-Annalee DiGiovanni Friday, 2 January 2009
wow, these are beautiful and very deep. thank you for sharing them! i love your use of rhyme and soulful phrases!
woonderful job
El Sexmo Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Like sharp and dangerous darts.
Love it. Been there :P
 
R.J. Willows Monday, 14 March 2011
I like your work; the rhymes are really pretty.
If you'd appreciate some critisism, though, I thought alot of your poems were too long. I think five stanzas is a good place to draw the line.
But like I said, good work!
 
Redroses Sunday, 6 November 2011
The tittle of your poem was what first drew me to read your poem...i must say you have the style...good job!...
 
________ Saturday, 22 October 2011
An awesome poem! I myself had a similar idea for a poem dealing with this theme. The title was what immediately drew me to read this and explore what you were trying to divulge. You style has a sort of whimsy quality to it, coupled with a sort of subtlety. It reads pretty clean for the most part and is very sympathetic. I really enjoyed this particular poem. Good work!
 
Liz Devereaux Monday, 20 July 2009
Very nice, I enjoyed many of your other poems also.

Liz
 
×♥Ella Rosen♥ Saturday, 23 May 2009
whoaaa.. sensational!!
 
________ Saturday, 22 October 2011
I truly enjoyed how this poem was concluded! You convey a great deal of wisdom in your words with this piece. The inspiration of living life for another is a universal truth; something I believe everyone can either identify with or sincerely wants to believe. You conveyed your thoughts very well with this!
Hiba Imran Thursday, 19 August 2010
I love this poem, i can totally relate and the message is just so great!
 
Tatchania Tuesday, 2 June 2009
I like this one ecpecially. Ive only read a couple of your poems but fully intend to check out the rest. I love the way you write, its very simple and flowing but makes you think and displays strong emotion and message.
 
William Dance Jr. Wednesday, 30 October 2013
Simply marvelous!
 
William Dance Jr. Wednesday, 30 October 2013
You have a way with words. I can't wait to read the next one!
jessisay Saturday, 1 August 2009
This is powerful!
Would you mind reading some of my poetry from You'll Never Know???
Frost White Sunday, 26 July 2009
That was truly amazing. I have read several of your poems, and I admire your work. They are simple, without too much analogies and metaphors, yet touching. Keep writing. :]
 
________ Saturday, 22 October 2011
I want to say that, judging from this piece, you have a very comfortable relationship with God or the concept of God. It's because these are your thoughts and strong beliefs that you can declare them to the world with impunity, which is great. In the end, this poem is very much a testament to what God means to you which is something amazing to see in itself. Very nice.
 
Clinton Foster Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Very enjoyable - compliments my own works as a matter of fact

www clintonfoster com
 
Liz Devereaux Sunday, 13 February 2011
beautiful.

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