When the Sun Sets

YouCantWrite69 Saturday, 15 February 2014
how about when the sun rises? and cant just set its gotta rise sometime too ... rethink your titly gosh darn it ... bob saggot!! good luck with your writing .. its actually really awesome.,.
Viruka Saturday, 1 June 2013
Stacy Saturday, 1 December 2012
great! I really like the idea of it. The writing technique could be a bit better though. Keep it up!
mr loser Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Way to violent!!! Alphbet book is WAY better then this trash worthy book.
romance_lover101 Friday, 30 December 2011
love it :d!!!!
Sunaynap Thursday, 23 June 2011
Great start, although I personally think your writing could be a little better. Still I love the schedule and Sam sure talks like a kindergartener.
MadMooMan Friday, 26 November 2010
A bit too many many chapters for a children's book, I would age it at young adult.
LoLa!! Sunday, 29 August 2010
I really like your idea. I thin it is very original. I think maybe you should describe the scenes more and maybe a little bit your charaters as well. I like how you added some of the main characters feeling. Maybe you should add cliff hanger to the end of the chapters leaving your reaers wanting more. GREAT JOB!!!
sweetpea Monday, 2 August 2010
listen to Jacky K. she knows waht shes talking about.
AleishiaJ Sunday, 16 May 2010
Jacky K. Wednesday, 10 February 2010
You've got some cute plots, honey, but here's my advise to you:

Details are the frosting on the cake. Without them, the cake's a little dry. Don't have a dry story.

Here's what I do to put the details into my stories:
Put yourself right into the position of your characters. Close your eyes and use your imagination and your senses. Can you see bed that Brooke is in? What does it look like? Is it lacy and pink, or a blue patchwork quilt? Can you hear the sound of Sam's voice? Is it smooth, or husky and rough? Can you smell the breakfast cooking from the kitchen, or perhaps the fresh scent of newly fallen rain drifting in from the window? Use all five senses and keep asking yourself questions. Then take all of the answers and put them into your story. Can't answer some of them? Find a way to answer them. The more you know your story, the better. Try to get to the point where you feel like you are not just watching your story take place, but are involved in it. If you are involved and excited about your story, then your readers will be, too.

Let me give you a challenge. I'll favorite this, and you revise this story and mix all the detail neccessary into this story. Once that's accomplished, message me. I'll come back and see how you did :)

Keep writing, honey! Practice, practice, practice! There's always room to improve. And just so you know, just because I gave you some tough constructive critisism doesn't mean your story isn't worth reading. I liked it! I give critisism to everyone, and that's how you improve. I should know. My seventh grade english teacher was the toughest grader you will ever have in your life, and I struggled so much in that class that it was hard to keep a high B. But that was also the year that my writing skills soared. Comparing my sixth grades writing with seventh grade is like comparing the work of a third grader to a high school student. I'm serious.

Oh, and if you have the time, could you check out my book? It's an adventure/fantasy, titled "The Moon's Lullaby." If you're interested, then many thanks in advance!
Evelyn Murray Saturday, 19 December 2009
its cute
Orengi Monday, 24 August 2009
love it!
China Roses Wednesday, 12 August 2009
Um you know that you need apostphes to endicate possiveness, Killing off all the human characters but 1 0r 2 is never a good idea enless it is an book bout plagues or an apoctalipse.
Flamewolf Friday, 7 August 2009
Good Book
I love Colby-Feta cheese Wednesday, 5 August 2009
This is a good book. I think its good. Keep on writing. I love love love it!!!
I love Colby-Feta cheese Wednesday, 5 August 2009
This is a good book. I think its good. Keep on writing. I love love love it!!!
Smokey-R Friday, 17 July 2009
lol i used to have a cat named shadow but my family had to give her away cus she kept peeing at the bottom of the stairs. great book by the way.
Scarlet Blaze Tuesday, 14 July 2009
I can tell you like cats. You wrote that other cat book as well.
Im A Fan Saturday, 4 July 2009
I love this book! Keep on writing, If you ever get this published, I will totally buy it!!!!
Im A Fan Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Hi Tadia, your books are awesome. I wonder why this book has MORE chapters than the others, and this is the newest??? Got an answer?!
Mia-Mia Monday, 29 June 2009
I love this book!!

Tadia has to be one of my all time favorite authors. I would probaly buy every one of her books. I am going to recomend her to all my friends. I do not know what book i like the best. When the Sun Sets or The Real World.
Kathleen Paddock Saturday, 12 November 2011
I really like it. It really interesting so far. Can't wait to read on! :)
AM Saturday, 16 July 2011
Just a few grammar/spelling errors. (eg. 'there' instead of 'their' sports car). Other than the above, it's going pretty well, although honestly I don't feel too interested. No offense, but I like giving honest opinions. Here's what I think- for kids the spelling, grammar and dialogue should be given the most attention, as children pay full attention to these things more than teens does. They can take in things quicker than older children can.

And remember to indent after each person speaks. It's unprofessional to have it all in one line.
All the best ^.~
Sunaynap Saturday, 25 June 2011
You've got a lot of action going on. I like Brooke's dream.
A.M Argento Monday, 14 June 2010
You have potential and are a good writer, but you have your "their" "there" and "they're"s mixed up, and you don't end dialouge correctly. Keep working on it, though! Tip: Don't put an apostrophe where it doesn't belong. You don't know how many times I've seen a great writer who puts "Sarah like's to dance" or something along those lines.
Jewel Rayne Friday, 31 July 2009
You need to work on your writing, and when to start and end paragraphs, I can tell you have potential, but this isn't all that good, and you should probaly make your chapter a bit longer

AM Saturday, 16 July 2011
just another note: it's spelled a lot, not alot. ;)
I love Colby-Feta cheese Sunday, 9 August 2009
Julia B Thursday, 5 July 2012
It's a good idea for a story but I agree with Kathleen Paddock. You have to paragraph your dialogue!
Pin3apple Wednesday, 18 April 2012
I love it so far!!!!!
I'm only on chapter 3 right now and i'll continue reading it, but it is supa good rite now! I saw a few errors with grammar mistakes but u should just reread it ova and ova til you ttly change the dialogue. Just make sure you read it aloud to make sure it makes sense.
did u read my stories? plz read and give me some tips or criticism thanks!:)
Kathleen Paddock Sunday, 13 November 2011
I love it, but it is getting hard to read. YOu REALLY have to paragraph your dialogue! I love it still!
Gresaa Friday, 12 November 2010
I'm only on the forth page, but I really like this book... :)
Flamewolf Monday, 10 August 2009
I still like this book. I thought that the Dora-Barney detention was sorta funny... But the teacher was way toooo strict.
~Kristin~ Saturday, 1 August 2009
Woah...Yeah I agree with Sasha. This story does seem over exagggerated
Sasha Taylor Friday, 31 July 2009
No offense, but you made the teacher WAY to strict. 30 seconds to finish a 100 question test, not even Albert Einstein could do that. Plus, no detention would really make you watch Barney and Dora. This story is a little over exaggerated.
F.L.LAURAINE Wednesday, 27 July 2011
youve got talent have you written before? if not then you should think about going professional. i really like your book a lot keep writing its really the best one ive read so far .. oh check out my book its a western . i know your probally not into it but you might be surprised it might make you at least smile a lil. its called riding north by lee lauraine please let me know what you think. i hope you keep writing your really good
Mia-Mia Monday, 13 July 2009
I still love this book. Please if you read this book atleast coment. Me and I'm a Fan are the only ones that have comented.

And when you read this tadia i love books. I like your new two. It is cool you are writing out of the eyes of differnt animals in your books.
Mia-Mia Monday, 13 July 2009
I still love this book. Please if you read this book atleast coment. Me and I'm a Fan are the only ones that have comented.

And when you read this tadia i love books. I like your new two. It is cool you are writing out of the eyes of differnt animals in your books.
Ben A. Lepton Friday, 24 July 2009
Great writing, I must say, it seems much cleaner than mine(thanks for your rotten comments about Bob...I can't agree with them more). I hope you get published one day soon. Keep writing and I'll keep reading (it'll stop more Bob stories if nothing else).
Na<3mi B. Monday, 12 October 2009
I think if you spruced it up a little bit it would be much better. But it's not my type of book.
Layla Noel Friday, 1 January 2010
This is not very detailed, or clear. It seems like the same old plot repeating itself.
Kathleen Paddock Sunday, 13 November 2011
I'm so sad now! Why'd you make Shadow disappear!? I'm so sad. But I still love this story! ;_;
Kathleen Paddock Sunday, 13 November 2011
I'm happy now! :) ;_; Happy tears! Thank you for bringing Shadow back!
Mia-Mia Monday, 20 July 2009
Yeah, Shawns back!!

New animals, sounds cool. Is Shadow getting another mate?
Silverstone Friday, 28 August 2009
haha! very weird but funny book... idk how its funny... but somehow it is... anyways i love the talkin' cats :D! KEEP WRITING!!! and read my books too :)!
Kathleen Paddock Sunday, 13 November 2011
Um... Odd ending. Other than this part, it was really good.
C.W Gibbon Thursday, 22 September 2011
Well that wasn't very happy, but alright story line. can you please raye my book
Kathleen Paddock Sunday, 13 November 2011
Um... Again. Odd. But over all a good story
nunu Friday, 12 March 2010
what that is weird
Pandorable Monday, 7 December 2009
Fantastic ending! I loved whole book.
Hey, China Roses, you basically spoilt it for everyone!!! I think it was fantastic!
China Roses Thursday, 19 November 2009
okay bad ending, at least let some characters live! :(
China Roses Thursday, 19 November 2009
Okay can you think of a different way, pehaps having them ride awy into the sunset on a cow made off mashed potatoes.
China Roses Thursday, 19 November 2009
What the in the world is bob the cow?!!!
mr loser Saturday, 22 October 2011
Having people die is not funny. I started to read this to my cat. It didnt understad anything. Mabey you can inprove by spelling and grammer. it probally won't help my cat, so heck with it's fine how it is. I like the book called the "end of the world" by cobyfeddiacheese or something like that.
Josie McMillan Monday, 15 August 2011
The plot was alright although not too clear. Your story jumped around quite a bit. The first few chapters were very good. I like the bit about Gertrude mcfuzz. Funny. There are some spelling and grammar mistakes too, but that's just nitpicking. :)
Annabel Bay Sunday, 4 April 2010
Cool. I love your books!
Jada Saturday, 14 November 2009
Woo Hoo

U killed Brooke

Could you check out my books. You need to make the chapters longer though. ANd fix the spelling and grammer. What is it with the I am a cow named Bob thing?

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