Comments
W.W.3 In The Beginning...

 
Justin Rosenthal Monday, 10 September 2012
Alright, so overall I think you have a great plot here, but your structure is going to make your book worthless and essentially unreadable. A couple of things I noticed:

That first paragraph is just one giant run on sentence. Take out some of the commas and use periods instead.

Every line of dialouge needs to be on a different line.

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