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Andre Jones Sunday, 3 June 2012
G'day

I have to say, I was surprised about being drawn into this chapter - considering I'm a male, and the bulk of the writing is about a pregnant female.

You portray Lola as an intelligent, likeable and diminutive yet competent woman very well.

I also like the character-building you give Chuck and Alex.

Is the underlined section 'accepted' in novel writing? (the bit about banning the Beach Boys)

When the boss introduces her, he says Lola. Zeitman. Are the two periods (full-stops) a tpo, or intended?

I picked up a couple of typos... but for the life of me, can't find them now :(

Well done!
 
surfingpanda7 Thursday, 27 December 2012
Great piece of work you have here. I really like it so far. There were typos, but everybody has typos, even the best. I would really appreciate it if you checked my book, The Jewels of Neora out, I need some feedback and comments.
 
Bob Craton Friday, 30 March 2012
I'm fascinated. I read all 8 chapters non-stop. I have a daughter who is a college professor teaching English and literature. From her, I learned the term 'magical realism' and you have a great example of that genre here. If you have finished more chapters, please post them.
I saw what you wrote on you info page, and I'm glad to discover that I'm not the only person who is no longer a youngster on this website. I started writing as a hobby after I was laid off and retired early at age 57, expanding on ideas for stories which I had thought about (but never written down) years earlier. Creating my own little worlds in books is very satisfying to me, even if no one else reads them. Do you find that true also?
 
Bob Craton Thursday, 5 April 2012
I liked chapter 9 too.
MESSAGE TO ANYONE ON THIS WEBSITE: Don't be put off by the fact that this story does not have vampires, teen romances, or other current fads in it. You should read this.

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