Spindlegal Wednesday, 15 December 2010
ok cool. my first thought when i saw the description was that this is that your story sounded like The Hunger Games. But the plot sounds different so nvm aha
Sarah Beth Friday, 10 December 2010
I absolutely love the plot to this story, but I think you might want to make some of the kids older than just 14? It would give some more diversity. But I can't wait to read more! :)
Dreamheart Wednesday, 8 December 2010
It's really good so far and I'll definatly read the rest later, very good keep going!
read/rate mine closed windows? (i know you sent me a message but I didn't know it you read it)
Anna Claire Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Anna Claire Tuesday, 14 December 2010
The whole idea of the book has potential, but I feel the characters are a little cliche, and the dialogue doesn't seem real. Like: "Woah there speed racer." If a guy said that to me, I'd think he was some over cocky guy who was attempting to hit on me. I'd never start holding hands with someone I just met, even if he was attractive. You have the right idea, but you're rushing things.
Redneck Mafia Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Loving the plot of this book! I'm sure it will be a big hit. However, you may want to change 14 year-olds to just teenagers in general so you can get a bigger audience.
Here's another tip: When you create your characters, make sure you give them all very distinct personalities. It will help draw in your readers. It may help to throw in a few stereotypes in the story for shear humor.
Good luck:) Mind reading/rating/commenting mine please?
Spindlegal Wednesday, 15 December 2010
niiice :) thats so sad that they cant even send letters to their family
Spindlegal Wednesday, 15 December 2010
woaa thats like the perfect world haha
Jade Slee Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Oh my gos, Jesse and Alexis seem so annoying? Haha... I like this so far, it's really good - although I do agree with whoever said that it seems to be rushing a bit with Caleb and Casey. But still, good luck and keep writing!
Spindlegal Wednesday, 15 December 2010
ok yah it is a bit fast here with the alex coming onto her and caleb finding her and starting something. but otherwise good
SingItForTheWorld Saturday, 18 December 2010
I think this has potential! When I read the preview, I first thought of the Hunger Games, but this is different. I think you rushed Casey and Caleb. You should intorduce more of the plot, the problem and learn more about the characters before this love scene unfolds. I think you need more showing and not telling. Descibe the scenery, their facial expressions, what your characters look like. I love the idea and I think you could go a long way with this. Keep going!

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