reality nightmare ( chapter 1 and 2 in middle of a MONSTER editing job!!!!)

A.E. Eidem Thursday, 8 April 2010
Um hello This is my ols account
I know this story is not very good, but if you want you can come check out stuff on my new account. (MY email got messed up thats why i got a new account)
A.E. Eidem Wednesday, 1 July 2009
This is my book, peaple!
Taylor van de Locht Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Just thought I would mention, publishers love brevity, your prose is the opposite, one could say: "You write (talk) too much."
Stop writing in short sentences, it nerves, no end.
Taylor van de Locht Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Your prose is overtly purple, try cutting back on description, show,don't tell.
El Sexmo Monday, 12 October 2009
Hi Amy, I'm going to have to agree with Miss Clyde on most if not all of her points.

The biggest gripe I had while reading this(I had to pause half way through to take a break!). Is the ammount of Past tense I statements.
I went
I then
I grabbed
I stared
I shifted
I ran
I felt
and having these at the begginging of every sentence ( which are quite short)Just adds fuel to the fire.

Things just have alot more flow if present tense is used. I.e


Just feels alot smoother if the reader feels asthough this is all happening real time and not telling some stale tale that happened 20 years ago.

Good efforts though, dont be discourage from my comments just use them to grow as a writer ;)

Ripcode Friday, 2 October 2009
Good work with your book. But what really caught my eye was that , you didn't like people who did inappropriate things when they are young. I do not know that if it came by heart or just thought, but I think that is a good thing in you. Keep writing, I am a fan of yours!(Wanna check mine?)
Miss Clyde Wednesday, 15 July 2009
The grammar and spelling just deterred me. Remember to use commas to close quotes when you're using dialogue tags. When you're using an action tag, use a period. When you use a comma outside of quotes, it's when you pause in speech. You should know when to use commas if the sentence sounds weird. A lot of your sentences are too short, though. You should vary the lengths.

The constant refrences to her being a klutz are unneeded. We get it; she's clumsy. Move along. There's not enough here to keep me interested. I'm not intruiged by the characters. Heck, I don't even like them.

Anyway, take this to heart when you're doing your monster editing. :)
H. Saturday, 20 June 2009
this book is amazing especially for someone your age! you have real talent & i love this book!
Miss Unidentified Sunday, 31 May 2009
this book is freaking awesume!
MacKensiel99 Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Holy crap, Amy! I freaking loved it!
jessisay Thursday, 14 May 2009
I love how you said in YOUR description: "I have talent, but wait till you get a load of this, Im 12!! LOL I'm 13 really.
Eventually, you will grow up and not be able to say that anymore. And people will decide for themselves.
Jack B. Nimble Sunday, 19 April 2009
I few spelling and punctuation mistakes. Your missing a couple commas where they need to be, so I suggest you go through and do a spellcheck. :)
First paragraph- comely is spelt calmly :)

This story has some potential. :) I rate is 3 out of 5! Nice job.
A secret never to be told Sunday, 19 April 2009
hey there, just read it and thought it was good but i'm a bit confused as to whether Kyle is a good guy or not.(unless we're not ment to know yet?) But i will read more soon. :)
Please leave a comment about mine after you have read it all feedback is apprieciated.
Ripcode Friday, 2 October 2009
This is also very good! The thing is, stop using 'I' and "it" and all those things that begin a sentence more than twice. It just spoils it. for eg-

'I grabbed my back pack that was on the floor.I pulled on my coat and threw on my sneakers.' you can minimize this to-
'I grabbed my backpack that was on the floor, while I hurriedly pulled on my coat and sneakers' Hope I helped. Great work by the way!
~Kristin~ Thursday, 16 July 2009
A secret never to be told Thursday, 14 May 2009
hey again thanks for commenting and rating :)
I read another chapter and enjoyed it very much I will be reading more :)
Carter Bridges Friday, 12 February 2010
awesome but one thing... lasonyah???
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
Good, but a little too quick and short.And, was that word 'lazonyah' meant to be 'lasagna'?
saint Monday, 20 April 2009
Sorry abut th one star im new to his i'll see if i can fi it. my bad
saint Monday, 20 April 2009
I love this book it is awsome.
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
Kind of like 'Twilight' but very good.
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
Really small chapter this time. Keeps getting smaller. Good work, anyway.
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
The chapters are very small now.People are expecting more. Good work but 3 stars =(
saint Monday, 20 April 2009
your book is gettign intersting
♥Leighann♥ Sunday, 19 April 2009
its good, grammer, but its awesome
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
This is very good writing although, you need to make the chapter longer. Keep the people hooked to it!
saint Monday, 20 April 2009
ahhuhhhh..... I'm crying it was getting good.
♥Leighann♥ Monday, 20 April 2009
i uploaded liek 5 out of 5
i mean, rated
Carter Bridges Friday, 12 February 2010
... sorry to tell you that this chapter seems way to cheesy... :3
Carter Bridges Friday, 12 February 2010
... sorry to tell you that this chapter seems way to cheesy... :3
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
Good, it got longer. Now try to slow down a bit. Then it will get much more interesting.
E.M. Wheeler Monday, 28 September 2009
sorry I am way confused I have no clue whats going on. Slow the story line down and edit you'll have a story. I love the plot or what u described the story as. I'm givin u four stars since its a good story just needs a lot of work :( sorry I hate to be rude keep at it you are doing an ok job i've read worst
Scarlet Blaze Wednesday, 22 July 2009
it's moving to fast.
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
This is getting a little weird. Don't try to get already made up fictional characters into your book.
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
Go slowly, not so fast. This is so 'fairy tale' like, I am getting uninterested in it. And, stop using 'while' when you mean 'well'.
E.M. Wheeler Wednesday, 1 December 2010
This is a good book although there are spelling errors. I do agree with other comments keep already fictional characters out that way its an original. Like replace snow white with another female you created yourself. She can be like snow white but still your own. Also slow it down a bit. I"m really sorry if I'm being rude =(. I'm only trying to help. If you fix little things like that this will be a totally awesome book. One that I'd buy if it got published.
Ripcode Saturday, 3 October 2009
This is very boring. I hope you fix all the errors.
♥Leighann♥ Thursday, 14 May 2009
AMY!!!! I am gonna get on your 'site' and (well cuz' i no your pass and we bffs and all) I AM GNNA FIX ALL YOUR ERRORS! IT IS GETTIN ON MY 56TH NERVES! by the way i lke your book so far.
Carter Bridges Friday, 12 February 2010
... =o. that's all i'm doing right now. this story is being written waaayyyy too fast!!! slow down!
♥Leighann♥ Friday, 7 August 2009
who DOESNT love this book?!
♥Day_To_Dawn♥ Saturday, 18 July 2009
Its okay.

But you grammar and spelling is okay too, but chapter 12 the last time I read your chapter had a lot of spelling mistakes.
♥Leighann♥ Wednesday, 3 June 2009
did i ever tell you this book IS AWESOME?
Danielle Evans Monday, 26 July 2010
This is very good so far, despite the spelling errors. Please write another chapter soon.
mercy_sos Sunday, 10 January 2010
E.M. Wheeler Saturday, 19 December 2009
Sorry I reread the book and its too confusing. If you slowed down the plot line it would be really good.
E.M. Wheeler Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Ok I am hooked. The plot is amazing. I know the general idea but you should clear things up a bit and slow the pace down.
Miss Unidentified Friday, 26 June 2009
wow! they had "it", didn't they?
Bryannah(Bri) Friday, 19 June 2009
this whole book is a piece of balogna. I'm sorry, but I want to know who taught you English, so I can slap them upside the head. Honestly? Your spelling reeeally puts me off, and makes it difficult to read. Grammar-wise? ... I'm not getting into that...

Anyways, I DID like the plot. No, really, I did.
-dont-hate-others Friday, 12 June 2009
it's magnificant. Grammar can take you far. Very amusing.

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