Wednesday, 27 July 2011
"Watch you bleed just like a goat." Hehe I laughed. This one is morbid, but it's, of course, amazing.
To avoid awkward rhyming, though, you could try to rhyme every other line? Or don't ryhme at all. Just choose words that sound good together. If that makes any sense.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
This is gold. It's how I would feel if I found out something like that happened to my friend. But the goat thing did bother me... Hmmm... I wonder why. I'm not sure? But it captured the emotion. Well done.
Friday, 7 January 2011
This one gave me chills. Greatly written though, I could feel the emotion.
Saturday, 18 December 2010
I actually started smiling during this one. That's exactly how I feel when I'm mad.
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
This is really really good o.e But the thing I need to criticize just a bit was the part with 'Watch you bleed just like a goat'. Mur. It bothered me. I think it'd be pretty cool if you instead said, 'Watch you bleed til the world needs a boat'? I don't know. I'm a terrible poet xD But everything else is absolutely amazing. Keep writing m'dear.