Jezilena Anne Treloar
Monday, 20 February 2012
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
I really like your story!
I only have two criticisms: I agree with E. C. Schroeder, it sounds a little informal to be introducing a high-tech military program, you know?
Second: I would try to be a little more subtle about the way you introduce things, if that makes any sense. When you introduce a new topic, for instance, don't explain every aspect of it right away but instead, leave the reader wondering a little as to how everything works. Explain it later on in the story when you put the topic to use. Just a suggestion! Your story really is very good, I'll be sure to keep reading :D.
I would really appreciate if you took a look at my story! It's a wartime narrative too, but it's not futuristic :p.
E. C. Schroeder
Saturday, 14 August 2010
I like the beginning; you're a talented writer. One thing that bothered me though: I think Miller's voice in the start of Chapter One sounds a little too casual. He sounds like he's talking to a close buddy and not narrating his story. And you don't necessarily have to introduce the other members of the squad before the story gets rolling; as they slowly take shape in the opening scene they can be introduced. Other than that, great job!
Saturday, 31 July 2010
I have to say, I'm impressed. You wrote this expertly and it is really interesting. The whole story just seems as if it were people in real life having the conversation. You put great detail into it and I can clearly envision the story going on in my head. Good job and I would honestly consider buying this book.
Thursday, 15 July 2010
I like this book. the characters talk as if they were real and the description is amazing. :)