American Stereotypes
Author: B. Miller

Chapter 1
American White Trash

American White Trash

White trash can be found habitating the entire American landscape from sea to shining sea and trailer park to trailer park. The term ďWhite TrashĒ has been around nearly as long as there have been white people in America, generally stemming from native born whites in America refereeing to the immigrating Europeans of the mid-19th to the early 20th century. However, this piece will focus on the current disgraceful state and habits of modern day white trash. The details of being white are quite inconsequential and may be vague to the novice observer; however it is my intention to clear up any confusion through a thorough description.

While some Americans are bred into a white trash blood line that goes back as far as the founding of the KKK, other's follow in the footsteps of their Mom, Dad, uncle or friend who bewildered them with their knack for knowing everything about Chevy big blocks, stealing, making meth from household products and growing weed. For those born into a white trash family the shackles of their predicament can be hard to break away from when domestic violence, heavy drinking, cigarettes, trailer parks and macaroni and cheese are all that they know. The thought that some people should never have kids is very true, especially white trash. However that will never happen as long as humans have penises, vaginaís and booze readily handy.

I have firsthand experience when it comes to being exposed to white trash behavior and tactics. Not only was this social behavior prevalent amongst some of my family members, but one of my best friends growing up was the spawn of the local leaders of the white trash movement, unknowingly. Looking back, when I was young I had no clue that my friend was white trash compared to my own family.

For example my dad came home after work every day and my friendís dad went on long road trips for weeks at a time in a giant eighteen wheeler that he slept in and drank and drove in. We used to ransack his truck and get drunk on the many vodka fifthís laying around. We even found a mysterious white powder on a mirror one time that Cody snorted, he was up for days. Also, my parents didnít work together and sometimes my friendís parents worked together on the road with his dad driving truck and his mom moonlighting as a truck stop hooker or ďLot Lizard,Ē for extra money. When I was young I thought that my friendís dadís semi-truck was neatÖ and it was the place I first saw porn magazines and videos, in contrast my dadís company car was boring it had no bed in it or a television to watch porn.

There were some other differences like my friends mom also worked nights and wore really skimpy outfits and didnít come home till the early morning and all of my friendís brothers and sister had different last names and dads. My family would have steak for dinner and my white trash friendís family would eat rabbit and drink fresh milk from their heard of goats. But, as a young person I just liked going over to his house because I could do things at his house that I couldnít do at my house like smoke cigarettes, kill chickens, watch porn, R rated movies and start fires in their burning barrel in the back yard. Of course when I was young I never understood why my mom would never let me stay the night at my friendís house. And my mom almost never let me return again when I came home with alcohol on my breath and case of crabs from when I took a nap on the couch. My white trash friendís house just seemed like such a release from my normal boring house with rules and only one sister to play with.

As the years went by I began to get hair on my balls and my white trash friendís house became even a better refuge, because it was a place I could go to buy pot and have Codyís mom buy us beer. Not only that, his younger sister was kind of hot and slutty. I lost my virginity to her, along with several of our other friends. She was one of the few fresh crop of freshman girls that put out and swallowed.

Then one day my Dad sat me down with him and made me watch ďVacationĒ and pointed out that my friend like Clark Griswoldís cousin Eddie was white trash and being white trash is no way to go through life. He threatened to cut me off completely unless I finished high school with honors and went to college.

Of course this isnít everyoneís experience with the white trash world and many Americans are never exposed to the white trash lifestyle by barricading their families deep within the suburbs of America and putting their kids in private schools, I donít blame them. Liberally distant is what I like to call people who think being liberal is a good idea as long as they never have to actually see or experience poor communities first hand. Basically their intentions are novel, which gives them comfort for doing their part to help those less fortunate. Itís the thought that counts often times in America.

Getting away from my personal experience of interacting with white trash people I want to go into further details of the white trash experience in America. I will discuss random aspects of white trash life in no particular order.

In terms of work white trash are stereotypically usually in between jobs more often than they are actually working, so to make extra money to pay for beer, cigarettes and meth they are forced to steal. Yes, stealing is white trash, and if you steal anything youíre white trash. Many a white trash person has been beaten nearly to death for stealing a working manís toolís, I have seen it with my own eyes.

But where is a white trash person to take all of the stolen items that they have plundered from the working American people. The answer is simple the Pawn Shop of course, which should all be shut down, because they wouldn't be able to stay in business if white trash werenít bringing in stolen goods on a daily basis to pawn. Thatís why if you think a white trash member of your family or neighbor has stolen from you, it is in your best interest to recover your stolen jewelry and power tools at a pawn shop near their house. I also recommend going to their trailer house despite the smell of unkempt cat litter boxes when your mail goes missing so that you can avoid from having them get credit cards in your name. Identity theft is another source of income for white trash they rely on heavily. Other than stealing for a living, white trash do to their lack of an education and inability to hold down a job stereotypically perform jobs such as truck drivers, mechanics, tow truck drivers, owners of car junk yards, performers odd jobs under the table, recyclers of trash, cab drivers, drug dealers, meth manufacturers, fixing cars, lawnmowers and motorcycles. Basically, any job that doesnít require a background check, piss test or is associated with any corporation or reputable company.

In terms of living conditions for White Trash they prefer dwellings that are stereotypically shabby, unkempt and disgusting to look at. Most observers may notice disregarded junk and trash horded about their yards such as; old cars, refrigerators no longer operational, way too many dogs, grass that needs cutting, strange farm animal such as goats, alpaca, chicken coups, snot nosed children barefoot and badly in need of a bath. Strangely white trash also like to horde items in their yard that wonít fit into their garages already overfilling with junk, it is an official certification that you are white trash if you do so. I donít know why they canít seem to part with all this crap that they horde in their yard, perhaps white trash have some demented use for it, however until they get rid of the trash it acts as play toys for their children.

Their living structures themselves are typically trailers or old rental houses that the owners are too old to know what the hell is going on with their property. Even if white trash people live in a nice house they turn it in to a dump in a matter of weeks after moving in. White trash always barbeque and drink in the front lawn for some reason also, itís as if they want everyone to know they eat steak, I think it is some sort of a status symbol for them. Perhaps thatís why they always work on their car in the front yard also, because itís a sign of intelligence that most people donít have, knowledge about fixing cars is important in the white trash community. That is why itís common for white trash people to have at least five cars in their yard with only one of them in working condition. It just goes to show that white trash donít care what other people think about them, and thatís why they are willing to let the whole neighborhood know they are white trash or their just too stupid to know any better because thatís how they grew up. You see being white trash is like a disease that can be handed down from generation to generation and can only be stopped when their children are taken away by the state.

Inside a white trash home you will find at least three full un clean cat litter boxes and upwards of five adult cats and 10 kittens. Having a fresh litter of kittens every three months and posting up at the local convenience store trying to sell them in the parking lot for $10 dollars is also a white trash source of income for their children. To help cover up the smell of cats they smoke two packs of cigarettes between the two adults in the house and the teenagers living there. In general the inside of the house will look like a bomb went off, with clothes, garbage, empty beer cans, toys, spare car parts or a Chevy big block in the living room, cat shit and the neighbors mail strewn about the house floor in no particular order. Typically, white trash people donít have a dish washer so you will notice a sink full of dishing rotting in the hot summer heat accented with swarms of flies.

In terms of their diet besides eating wild animals they shoot in their yard their diet is high in McDonaldís and Taco Bell value menu items, government cheese, spam, WIC certified foods, white bread, canned goods and top o Raman noodles.

On the walls will be tributes to their idols and mentors in the form of posters not pictures in a frame of classic rock groups, Dale Earnhardt and Elvis. Donít ever let your kids go to a white trash personís home because they have an infestation of fleas, lice and cockroaches that are resistant to pesticides.

Since white trash donít really care about what their home looks like you wonít be surprised that they donít care much about their personal appearance either. From the top down white trash in contrast with other aspects of their life seem to prize their long beautiful hair. For men they like to wear their hair long in the form of a mullet or pony tail since they canít ever get over their failed dreams of being in a rock band. As for the women when it comes to hair they either feather it, dye it bleach blond or grow really long all the way to their butt, which is the official badge of female white trash hair. Now their teeth are usually rotting out of their mouth from smoking meth those having teeth are noted for being yellow and missing from bar fights. Do you know how many idiot white trash people thought they were going to replace Def Leopards drummer when he lost an arm. Despite not having any talent other than singing poorly and playing the air guitar they at least have the rocker look down with their long hair. To polish off their K-Mart look the men prefer to wear flannel shirts, tank tops, NASCAR shirts, tapered ankle acid washed jeans and in the summer they cut all their sleeves off their shirts and turn their jeans into shorts as part of a standard annual tradition. In terms of footwear the men like high tops, cowboy boots, steel toe boot and the women and children prefer to go barefoot.

In concerns to NASCAR donít ever ask a white trash friend or family member to be in attendance for anything on the day of a race, these NASCAR races are like Easter for Christians very important and they will be far too inebriated to do anything and its best to keep them off the roads if possible.

Besides stealing and performing odd jobs they rely on most of their income from the government, which is why white trash people breed like rabbits having more kids then they can afford to take care of. To go into greater detail about white trash children it is important to note that they prefer to barefoot and dirty from head to toe. White trash parents also think that its O.K. for four children to sleep in the same bedroom and share two beds. Unfortunately, white trash kids are often left on their own since their parents go to the local tavern five nights a week to drink till the early morning or are in jail. On their faces you may notice a bout with ring worm or simply a fudge Popsicle smeared all over face. Besides having worms they have a foul mouth, it is not uncommon for white trash kids to know all the cuss words in the English language by the age of four. When the kids go hungry they will eat squirrels and cats. For fun they ride on the backs of their goats and torture one of their twelve cats. You will always notice them when playing at a playground at a park first they will have Cheetos all over their face and they will be bullying all the other children and running up to every adult and telling you their name is "Cody or Crystal, and my mommy said daddy went on vacation to a sunny place called prison, itís by the ocean."

In terms of their political beliefs white trash are always republican and long for the days when David Duke was still in politics. Most white trash in the south are affiliated with the Klu Klux Klan in some fashion and nearly all grandparents of white trash were card holding members. Besides being racist in general, white trash people hate all minority groups. White trash people believe that there is; a conspiracy in America to wipe out the white race through inter-racial breeding of white people with all different minority groups.

Further, white trash loathes Mexican cheap labor because they steal their jobs by showing up to work on time and actually working. Since the Chinese came as strike breakers to work in the mines and build the trans-continental rail road white trash people have hated all people of Asian descent. And there is nothing more white trash hate then a rich Black person; they canít conceive how that is possible. However, white trash like a lot of Americans have failed to realize that the only way to be successful in America is through getting educated, learning a trade and staying off drugs and alcohol. These are all virtues that white trash have failed to affiliate themselves with escaping poverty.

 

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