Author: Lacey Raine

Chapter 30

 Blain was right about Ryan. He was a real mess.

He looked quite scared when Blain and Davey left - I think it was something to do with what Davey had accused him of and being alone with me. Well. Adam was there too, but what would he do? Ben had him broken down to a nervous wreck. Adam sat beside me, shaking and pale. Ryan sat on the other side of the room, just sat, not doing anything. I tried to make conversation with him, but he only replied in grunts and monosyllable, so I gave up. Instead, I turned to Adam. "Hey, you're shivering. Are you cold?" I asked. He shrugged. "Want a cuddle?" I was quite cold myself, and sharing body heat was probably the best way to fight that. I held my arms out to him and he rested his head on my chest. He chuckled softly.

"I can hear your heartbeat," He said. He drummed his fingers on my chest in time with the rythym.

"Leave off, kiddo, that tickles," I took his hand gently in mine and placed it back at his side. I looked over at Ryan- he looked left out and kinda jealous. "Come and join the hug?"

"No," He shook his head. "I mean, I better not. Dav..."

"He won't know." I said. Ryan just shook his head and I sighed defeatedly. "Are you sure you're alright, Ry?"

"I'm fine," He said, not meeting my eye.

"Look, Ryan. I'm not being a bastard by saying this - or not deliberately anyway- but... are you sure you want to be with Davey?" I asked. His head snapped up and he stared at me, appaled.

"Of course," He said, haughtily.

"Only.... look, I know you love him and all that but... he doesn't treat you right. You're a sweet guy. You deserve respect," I told him.

"He does treat me right," Ryan protested. "He does respect me."

"Really?" I raised one eyebrow cynically. "So you got that shiner through respect, yeah?"

"No, it wasn't like that. I..." He began. I cut him off with a look. "He does love me. He does. He told me he loves me this morning."

"Yeah, but how often does he tell you that?" I asked. Ryan shrugged.

"I don't know. Once a month. At least," Ryan said, like it meant something. I sighed and shook my head.

"Look, Ry, I'm not trying to tell you that Davey doesn't love you. Maybe he does, I don't know. But I'll tell you this for nothing - Blain used to tell me he loved me every day, and he even admits he never did," I said.

"Well. They're dififerent, Blain and Davey. Yeah, Dav lies to me sometimes, but he'd never say he loved me if he didn't. Anyway, if he didn't love me, he'd never have asked me to marry him, would he? And if he loved me but doesn't anymore, he would've gotten a divorce." Ryan said. I started to argue but Adam met my eye.

"Leave it," He mouthed. So I did.

Later on, when Ryan left to go for a walk (he said he needed to 'clear his head') Adam raised one eyebrow. "Bit harsh, that, wasn't it?"

"Well. He needs to hear the truth from someone he can trust," I shrugged. "And anyway, it's true. He's a really nice guy. He deserves respect and love and he's not going to get that living with Davey."

"Yeah, well," Adam shrugged.

"I feel that way about you, you know. You're so sweet- and Ben treats you like crap," I told him.

"Blain treats you the same," He shrugged. I shook my head.

"Not really. He gets these huge mood swings, see. He goes from despising me and telling me I'm worthless to hugging me and kissing me and saying he's sorry if I got hurt with any of the tricks but it's the only way we can make money and we need it," I explained. "And Ryan was right- Blain and Davey are different; Blain has limits and Davey doesn't."

"I don't get you," Adam looked interested and confused at the same time.

"Well. Like... if I did something stupid, or something wrong, yeah, Blain would smack me about a bit but he wouldn't actually do any lasting damage. But Davey's different.... like I remember one time last year, Ryan went out to the back garden to take the washing off the line while Davey was in the shower. He hadn't asked Davey's permission to leave the house, so Davey went nuts on him. Broke his arm in three places and fractured six ribs."

"Seriously?" Adam stared at me, wide-eyed. "God, I thought Ben was bad."

"Does he hit you all the time?" I asked, concerned. Adam shook his head.

"Not really. But he messes with my head alot. Threatens to do stuff or subtly hints at things I've done wrong so I'm constantly looking over my shoulder," Adam shrugged. "But I can cope."

"Does he... force himself on you a lot?" I asked, rubbing his arm gently. Adam went quiet and looked down at our interwined feet. I kissed the top of his head gently. "You can tell me, sweetie. I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Yeah," He bit his lip. "He makes it hurt on purpose. He says I don't deserve to enjoy it."

"Aw. Adam, why didn't you tell me?" I squeezed him tighter.

"I didn't know you cared," He shrugged one shoulder, squeezing my hands, which were resting on his tummy. I sighed.

"Of course I care, Adam. You're special to me, kid," I kissed the back of his neck.

"You're special to me too, Jonah," He turned and snuggled into me, bringing his lips up to mine.

"You deserve a guy who'll treat you nice. Be gentle with you," I said stroking his cheek.

"D'you know that guy?" He flirted, winding his arms around my neck. I smiled at him. He was so cute, bless him. And he really was special to me; he was the closest thing I had to a best friend. I smiled and picked him up, not breaking eye contact.

"I think I do," I said, kissing his lips gently before I carried him to the bedroom.

When we were done, Adam placed his hands on my narrow hips. "Jonah... who's Luke?" He asked.

My heart thumped. "Wh... what?" I said. "Who's... who's who?"

"Luke," He repeated. "At least, I think thats what you said."

"Don't be daft. I said Adam," I replied, tweaking his nose gently.

"Yeah, when you climaxed. But at one point I'm sure you said 'I love you, Luke.' I mean, I might've misheard but..."

"No. You didn't," I could trust Adam. I knew I could trust him. "Luke's... he's my boyfriend."

"You... you have a boyfriend?" He asked, looking confused.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Luke Rothery. He's nineteen, almost twenty. That's who I stayed with, down in London."

"Oh. So you lied to me then?"

I don't know how long Blain had been standing in the doorway - but he'd heard enough.


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