I stood in line looking around nervously my hands shaking and my palms sweating. Wearing a black hoodie with a purple on it, Grey jeggings that hugged my skin tightly, and purple lo top converse. Girls were flooded into this small room all giddy with excitement. I was nervous though because I had never told anyone at all what I was about to tell this superstar.
I looked down at my hand with the thick envelope in them wondering if I should really go through with it now. The line moved up yet again, I was getting closer to the front than I already was maybe I shouldnít have gone to the back of the line this would already be over if I hadnít. And I was next and I was last, last to meet who I have wanted to meet for so long just so I could have this moment.
The security opened the curtains as my blue eyes fell upon a tired worn out face of Josh Benson. He looked so normal, but so angelic at the same time. I walked up going to make this as painless as possible for because he looked tired.
He put on a smile one that I knew was forced fake, because I had seen the same smile in the mirror for years.
ďDo you want a picture or anything signed?Ē he asked me, I shook my head and almost looked great full.
ďI just came to give you this,Ē I said handing him the envelope smiling kindly at him.
ďWhat is it?Ē he asked me flipping it around in his hands. I ignored his question shaking my head.
ďThank you more than you will ever know Josh,Ē I said softly and turned on my heel to walk out of the now not so cramped meet and greet room.
ďHey wait!Ē he exclaimed jumping up causing me to turn around.
ďTake a picture with me,Ē he said beckoning me over to him with his hand. I reluctantly went not wanting to keep him from his rest that he looked like he needed. He dug around in his pocket taking out a phone one that looked very expensive. And held it arms length away from us as we smiled and he clicked the button. And then it was over his strong arm removed from my waist and mine from his as I walked quickly to the door not believing that I finally got what I wanted all alongÖ to thank him.
I walked out of the building and straight to my car not believing I had actually done what I wanted to for so long, I did it, and this time my smile wasnít so fake.
I was stunned that girl she didnít scream or faint or even cry, she just stayed normal and the weirdest thing she thanked me.
So while I lay here on my bed trying to get away from my depressing thoughts I think about the envelope she had handed me. I stood up and picked it up sitting at my desk sliding my finger under the ridge letting a bunch of paper all stapled slide out onto my lap.
If your reading this then that means I finally met you and that I hopefully didnít freeze up and not tell you thank you because that is the whole reason to my meeting you and thatís to tell you thank you. So here it is the ten reasons why I need to thank you Josh Daniel Benson.
Number one (I know Iím hilarious try to hold back the laughter and take this seriously Benson) ok so number one you have saved my life not once but multiple times. Without you I would probably be dead six feet under in a casket that was probably ugly and gross, but thatís just me I donít find caskets appealing. Your music has saved me over and over again, and you being yourself has saved me to, you had no clue at all but when you clicked my follow button I was going to off myself and then I had a new alert on my phone ĎJosh Benson now follows your tweetsí I put down the blade and havenít looked back sense.
Ok so were at number two just in case I donít know you canít count, Iím not judging so itís okay if you canít. Ha-ha no Iím only joking around okay so back to the topic number two you have saved me from the bullies whenever they were saying bad stuff about me I thought about you and your music your songs were on replay in my head blocking them out, so thank you so much for being so beautiful.
Number three, so now we have gotten to the important/ weird one which ever you want to call it its more weird than anything. Okay so I had a drinking problem like you know I would drink to forget and wash the pain away to try and get away from it. One day though I was surfing the web I know it sounds so cool when I said that. But I came across the One time official video I fell in love I had to stop drinking because you took all the pain awayÖ permanently I didnít have a need for it anymore I didnít want it anymore.
Number four: I would have never stopped crying myself to sleep, and sleep is just what I wanted to do, it helped me even if only for a little bit escape my problem of my life. And then I put your music on my IPod and had you on replay you, you are the only reason that I still can go to dream land without you I would have died of sleep deprivation.
Number five: Right now Iím looking down at my wrist my hand gently brushing across the scars that were there, I did that all of it. I wanted someone to notice someone to care but no one did no matter how many times I showed them my arms or how many bloody tissues I left around they always didnít care or never wanted to believe so I guess I kind of believed that you cared and that you wouldnít want me to die because for some reason you would be sad about it.
Number six: When ever my parents yell I go up to my room and put on your music on full blast Iím talking like one hundred percent volume so I could drown them out, your voice was angelic it made me feel good and escape something I couldnít do before when they were yelling.
Number seven: My Ex- boyfriend broke up with me and like I thought I would I didnít cry, I have learned now to except the pain and loose of loosing someone you love. You were there for me when the whole world turned their backs on me and when no one wanted to care about me.
Number eight: I was raped repeatedly I felt like I wanted to die and I almost tried to kill myself because of it but then one day I get these tickets in the mail and I forgot about it because I knew I was finally going to get to meet you my angel my life saver.
Number nine: So I have popped so many pills in my day but I threw them all away with all the blades in my house because you gave me something to live for something to look forward to and I was the happiest girl in the world, the pills only made things worse, you really have talked some sense into me.
We are on the last reason already? Wow that went by fast I am really surprised okay so number ten: This one I really have to thank you for, remember that tweet when you said ĎI like girls with a little meat on their bonesí so at the time I was convinced that I was going to marry you and everything and yeah I do know now thatís not possible but really at the time that dream helped me stop starving myself so now Iím actually healthy now and I donít view myself like that.
So what I am trying to say is thank you Josh you saved my life the reason I wrote this all down is because I know it can get lonely when you travel so when you feel as if no one cares anymore you should know I care and I love you, because honestly I owe you everything.
I cried looking down at my wrist that had deep cuts into them, I threw away all my blades and pills just as she had because of me but now it was because of her, I owe it to her, Iím not going to kill myself because I know someone cares, I need to get help. I need to get away from these horrible feelings and thoughts. I need to stop cutting myself. Because Emily loves me.
Someone loves me.
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