Tears & Heartbreak
Author: Lacey Raine

Chapter 16

 I didn't think it was possible for Xander to like Jazz any less- but he seemed to now. I wasn't daft. I knew he only wouldn't come in because Jazzy was. I didn't really see what his problem was with him. Okay, that's a lie. Granted, I'd slept with Jazz but... in his defence, I started it. It was my idea. And he just needed a cuddle and someone to look after him then, and I was just the one to give it to him. I didn't know why Xander couldn't just understand that.

We were sitting together on the sofa, when Jazz shivered. "Jesus, it's cold," He said.

"I'll turn the heating up," I offered, jumping to my feet. Jazz caught my wrists.

"No need," He winked. "You're hot enough." I sighed.

"Jazz, look, I've told you," I said. "I can't be with you like that. I love Xander."

"I know, I'm just kidding around," Jazz smiled. "Xander's lucky you're so faithful to him."

"Yeah, well," I shrugged.

"He's a bit..." Jazz said. Then he shrugged. "Forget it."

"No, tell me," I sat beside him. "He's a bit what?" Jazz shrugged.

"I dunno... possessive, I guess," Jazz shrugged. "Jealous. I mean... he doesn't even like you being friends with me, does he?"

"He doesn't mind that, he just doesn't like the fact that we... you know," I said.

"Yeah, neither did my dad," He said. Then he clamped a hand over his mouth. "Shit. I meant to say that bit in my head."

"You told him?" I thought it was a bit weird of him. He shook his head.

"No he er... he read my journal," Jazz sighed. "I wrote about it. I wrote about how I told you as well. He went nuts."

"I'm sorry," I said. I put my arms around him and he sighed.

"Don't be, it's not your fault he's like that," He shrugged. "It's mine."

"No it isn't," I tutted, giving him a quick squeeze.

"It is," He said. "Because I'm pathetic and stupid and the worst mistake he ever made. His words, not mine."

"You aren't any of those things," I said. "You're strong and clever and good-looking and funny."

"Good-looking? Me? Are you having a laugh?" He scoffed. "You're good-looking. Xander's good-looking. I am not good-looking. I'm an Emo, for fuck's sake. I used to be full on, you know," He looked me in the eye. "Eyeliner, black finger nails, chains everywhere, the whole shebang. I only stopped because Dad didn't want his son wearing makeup."

"Oh, Jazz," I hugged him. "Don't cry." I wiped the tears off his cheeks gently.

"You're a good mate, Axel," He smiled at me. "And you're lucky. You have people in your life who love you. I don't."

"I love you," I said. "Just... not in the same way that I love Xander."

"I love you too," He smiled.

God love him.


We found out the next day that we had an English class trip to London the next Friday. Xander took my hand at the end of the day. "Be my bus partner?" He said, quickly.

"You know it," I squeezed his fingers back. "It'll be fun. I love you."

"I love you too, tiger," Xander kissed my cheek. He'd randomly started calling me tiger a couple of days previous. "It will be fun." Jazz hadn't walked with us today- he was going to some aunt's house after school. So we were alone. I stopped at the gate.

"You're coming in," I said.

"I don't have a choice?"

"Hell no," I tugged his arm and pulled him after me, both of us laughing.

It was nice, being alone in the flat for once. I'd been snappy with Xander when we were in last time and he tried to feel me up. Now I let him run his hands all over me to his heart's content. I guess I just wanted to make him happy, stop him being angry or upset with me.

I just wanted him to love me.



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