Tears & Heartbreak
Author: Lacey Raine

Chapter 14

A/N: Whoo! Random Jasper chapter! LOL. There will be more of these. Parts of the book make more sense from his P.O.V so... yeah :P


I hated being alone in the flat. I didn't like having emptyness around me. But at the same time, I'd rather be alone than with Dad. I sighed and found my notebook. It had a plain red cover but I'd covered it with so many stickers and bits of pasted on paper that you'd never tell. Most of the stickers were of my favourite bands, Paramaore and You Me At Six and All Time Low. There was a long yellow strip of paper with Jasper Beecham written on it in permant marker. Some kids had got hold of it at my old school and drew on the cover, but I'd mostly got it all off. The only thing that seemed to stay was almost engraved into the cover under my name Shirt-Lifter.

I flipped the cover open and found a blank page. It was full of my shitty drawings and random jottings. Sometimes I wrote it like a proper journal. Sometimes I just doodled. I grabbed a pen and sighed. I scrawled down the date and time, then started to right.

I don't understand. I can't be falling for Axel. Can I? I mean, he has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who's ten times better looking than me, not to mention a thousand times funnier and cleverer and sweeter. But I can't help thinking that he might like me back, just the tiniest. After all, why would he sleep with me if he didn't?

I felt so bad afterwards, it must've broke Xander's heart. But my God, he was so amazing. Best I've had by a long shot. Not that I've had that many. I love the way he kissed my neck and my chest while we were doing it. And that thing he did with his fingers on my back... wow. And he's so sweet and caring too. I feel like I can tell him everything.

I did tell him everything. I was round at his place, after he showed me round town. Probably best that I didn't go home, actually. I was in Dad's bad books again. I don't know why. He just hates me, I guess. But he was asking me what was wrong and I just felt like I could trust him. I told him everything, about Dad, about Mum going away all the time and not caring about me. I cried. It was the first time I'd cried in weeks. I expected him to call me a pathetic little baby. But he didn't. He was ever so sweet and gentle. I asked if I could kiss him and he said yes. I guess one thing just lead to another.

I'm so confused....

Do I love him, or don't I?


I sat, hunched up in wardrobe, my knees brought up to my chest, my fingers knotted in my hair. The waitng for it was the worst part, in my opinion. I heard the front door slam and his staggering footsteps approaching my bedroom. He laughed. "Aw. Is Jazzy hiding? How sweet," He said. He opened the wardrobe; it was the only place in my room I could hide. He yanked me out by a handful of my hair then pinned me against the wall with my arm twisted behind my back.

"Have you been a good boy today, Jazzy?" He said softly, in my ear. He wasn't as drunk as usual, but he still reeked of whisky.

"Yes," I insisted.

"What's that?"

"Yes sir," I corrected myself. "I'm sorry."

"You will be," He said, shifting his grip on my wrist. I knew when he had hold of me like that all it took was a slight change of pressure and he could break my arm. He'd done it plenty of times in the past.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I said. "Please, don't." I didn't expect it to work, but he actually let go of me. He looked me up and down.

"Been with your boyfriend today?"

"I don't have a boyfriend," I said, stupidly.

"Oh, but what about the lovely boy from upstairs you're so fond of?"

"Axel already has a boyfriend," I said, looking down, my hair hiding my face. I couldn't stand to look him in the eye.

"But you had sex with him, didn't you?" Dad said. I looked up at him.

"What?" How the hell did you know about that? He dropped something in front of me.

"Very detailed, that. You should be a writer, you'd make millions. But still, fancy, a lad at your age keeping a diary," He sneered.

"You read my journal?" It slipped out before I could stop it. My journal was the only place I could keep secrets. And now even that wasn't safe. I wanted to cry, but I wasn't giving him the satisfaction. I'd wrote all about what happened before we had sex too. Shit.

"You told?" He hissed. "You two faced backstabbing bastard, you fucking told?"

"I... yes, but Axel won't tell anyone, he promised he wouldn't,"

I was drenched in blood when he finally left me. He always kept away from my face; he was scared to leave a mark. I wouldn't tell on him, but he was worried even so. I jumped in the shower quickly and washed off. I towelled my hair dry and pulled on a clean tee-shirt and boxers. It was only eight o'clock, but I had nothing better to do than go to bed.


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