Dear God, Help Me
Author: Neil Evans

Chapter 5
Dear God

The poem that this book is based upon. Should be the grand-daddy of them all, right? Wrong. Sloppily written, I made this as I fought my tears. Relief only came in the fact that I was so determined to write this, I didn't cry until I was finished.

"Dear God"

Dear God,
There's no way to explain this feeling.
It seems to stalk me in the night.
This dark cloud that follows me,
Every day and every sorrowful night.
Nothing feels right to me, anymore.
Sex, lust, heartbreak, sympathy,
Abuse, pain, remorse and regret
Have all become a daily mixture.
A concoction like no other.
It infects me and takes control.
I regret losing so many different girls.
Do not take this wrong, Lord of all,
I don't want them all back.
But we could've ended a different way.
There are more than a few that
Will openly call me an asshole.
Those who will attack me
Without relent.
They charge like beasts and
Will always go for the kill.
I feel like my actions were natural.
I do know I did things wrong,
I will admit that.
I can't right these wrongs,
I can't cure this disease,
Where I can't look at myself.
My eyes are hollow now,
They have lost the light that
All souls hold within them.
I used to be so different.
So much more humble, I was.
Because then I felt I was a good person,
Now I'm sick of myself.
I've lost my innocence, my self-respect.
Every day someone different will tell me
That I'm hideous, that I don't deserve to
Still be breathing on this planet.
For the life of me, I can't see this as false.
Because I feel that
I never deserved to live.
Is it just the pain that makes me
Feel so prepared for my own demise?
or do I truly deserve to be hurt,
Deserve to lose my own life?

 

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