the world within me
Author: Ella

Chapter 86
searching for joy

Searching for joy

When I cannot say it out

When I cannot sing it loud

And tell the world how I feel

Everything without a doubt


When I search in my heart

I never seem to find

Joy that takes away sadness

This sorrow of mine


I look at the world

My face says I’m sad

And everything I do

Seems too perfect


But I’m not an angel

I have no wings

I’ll find a way to fly

Whatever life brings


I know I’m full of flaws

And everything I do

Sometimes never works out

And dreams don’t come true


Even if your heart is screaming

They say just keep believing

And everything that happens

Will be the dream you’re wishing


When planes take off

It’s against the wind

And wherever there is sadness

I may not have seen


But I’ll find some way to fly

And leave the world behind

To soar with those without wings

In heaven’s light to shine


I know it’s hard to find

The joy I wish I had

And all the time it seems

That I’m always sad


Afraid and fearful of futures

That may never even be possible

Afraid and fearful of wars

That are not inevitable


The joy I seek seems far

Yet I know it’s so near

Closer to my heart

Beaming bright and clear


I keep the tears I cry

I never make them yours

Though I know it’s time I found

Rest in you and pause


A moment to reflect

On what truly matters to me

And I know for a fact you do

If only I’d let myself free


Sometimes freedom seems restrictive

And I’m so afraid to sin

Yet sinning gives me slack

A fake chance for me to win


I know if only I’d care

More about you then this world

Then surely I would be

The most blissful girl


All the tears I cry

Everything that falls

And when my world crashes

I ignored your calls


If only I would return

And be for once for real

Stay strong by your side

Be quiet, calm and still


In the stillness you are there

In the pain you remain

In the sorrow you stay near

In the parchment you rain


You never stopped waiting

Each day I struggle with everything

And though I know the answer

That you are my king


I still refuse to come back

Denying your greatest gift

Forsaking my first love

Worries not uplift


First love I need to know

I really must believe

Then can I find the joy

That will bring me sure relief


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