Iunno.
Author: ThroughTheFire

Chapter 1
f.u

5 May 2007

It’s crazy. Wildly crazy. Like, completely out of the ordinary. Supernatural experts would be reeling. That is, if they even cared about the little things in my little life in this little town. I’m just a girl, after all. Maybe it means nothing? But then again, it could mean the entire world. At least to me; it’s everything.

Now, you must think I’m crazy. WIldly crazy? Probably. I’m not very good at this whole "diary" thing, but my physocolgist says I need to express my feelings in the best way I can. That’s without, well, you know...commiting suicide. I’m sorry, now I sound like a total crazy person. Physcologist, suicide? Yeah, if I was reading this I’d be thinking the writer was a crazed old lady or something of the like. Fortunately, I’m not old and I’m not crazed, not more than your average teenager with depression anyway. I’m going about this the whole wrong way. My name is Taylor Bagge. It’s pronounced Bah-jee. My family apparently originated from Italy or some other country with odd pronounciation. I am 17 years old, I have black hair and I wear dark make-up, blue eyes which always recieve compliments, have a curvacious figure, have only two more months left of school forever, have two amazing best friends, and I live at home with my mother and father. Sounds pretty cruisy, right? Yeah, I’m also in love with a guy who has a girlfriend. It’s more complicated than that, but I can’t get into it right now, because that will bring my mood right down, and I am on a high right now. Back to my crazy day that I was rambling on about before, PARTY! Mine, this weekend. The guest list is amazing. Only because there is one special person at the very top of the list, confirmed. I just got off MSN with him. I’m so happy, I’m even going to write out the conversation word-for-word right here so I can re-read it whenever I want. Okay, maybe I am crazy.

Samuel. says (3.02pm):

LOL

that sounds very interesting

what are you gonna get up to?

TaY,, :) says (3.03pm):

i’m thinking of having a party

my parents will never know

god, i love it when they go camping :D

Samuel. says (3.05pm):

so nothing’s planned yet?
O_o

TaY,, :) says (3.05pm):

not yet

like, it’s definitely happening, yeah

but i haven’t asked people yet

obviously petra and emilly will be there

possibly fiona, if she’s allowed

and they’ll all bring friends :)

Samuel. says (3.06):

sweet

sounds like it should be fun

wish i could be there ~_^

TaY,, :) says (3.07):

why do you have to wish?

Samuel. says (3.07):

coz you haven’t invited me

:(

TaY,, :) says (3.07):

why, do you want to come?

:D

Samuel. says (3.09):

only if you want me there

TaY,, :) says (3.10):

yeah

i do want you there

will you come?

Samuel. says (3.10):

SWEET

i’ll be there

TaY,, ;) says (3.11):

yay :D

it’ll be fun

Samuel. says (3.12):

yeah, it will be

xD

SO YEAH, THATS IT. I’m still reeling. Now, my plan is to make him actually come, because if he doesn’t that is going to upset me more than words can describe. Now, I’m going outside to dance and do other happy things like happy people do because I’m a happy person.

Ta-ta!

Yeah, I’m definitely crazy ;)

 

6 May 2007

Three days until Saturday. I might not seem excited, this is because i’m in a horrible mood. But, I am really excited. Trully.

I guess while I’m feeling like this, I can write about everything with Sam. In case you hadn’t guessed from before, that’s his name. From what the world sees of his relationship with Khloe, they’re "happy" and "in love". If you know either one of these people, you know that’s not true. It’s actually probably the furthest from the truth you can get. Ever heard of emotional blackmail? I’ll google it for you, just in case.

According to google definitions, emotional blackmail is the physycological misuse of a person’s emotions or insecurities to influence they’re behaviour. In other words, she’s threatening to commit suicide if he ever leaves her. That leaves him in a tough place, right? Well, it gets more complicated. He once told me he doesn’t think anyone else will ever love him, that no-one would put up with his shit. If only he knew?! Anyway, the gist of their relationship is, she’s insecure as hell, and he’s scared. What a perfect relationship, huh? Yeah, well, this is the main cause of my sadness, unfortunately. This weekend. Three days.

I’m going to tell him how I feel.

Wish me luck.

 

8 May 2007

TOMORROW. I’m pretty excited, as you can tell by the capitals! I have quite a few people invited, I must tell Sam the list before he arrives in case there’s anyone he has a problem with. I wouldn’t invite anyone if I knew he had a problem with them, I’m not mean enough. Here’s so my list so far:

Petra + 3

Emilly + 2

Fiona + 1

Sam

Trina

Gabe + 1

So it’s not too massive, and not too small. It’s fun-sized. I need this so bad. Fun. I’ve been without it so long, locked away in the darkness. If I don’t have fun, it’s going to crush my heart. Ugh.

 

10 May 2007

I started a journal four days ago. It was amazing, it really was. My feelings were going to explode if I didn’t do something. And now they still might? Because, my dearest friend, I am leaving. Leaving you, leaving my friends, leaving Sam, leaving my life. I’m leaving and I’m never coming back. I can’t ever come back, I’ll be dead. Only one person knows where I’m going. One person to help me. She’ll never say a word of it to anyone, because if she does...well. She just won’t. So, now I’ve started I guess I’ll have to say why I’m going to be dead? I’m sick.

Sick of this life.

Sick of its complications.

Sick of Sam and his confusing ways.

Sick of bitchiness.

Sick of sadness.

Sick of school.

Sick of myself.

Sick of my annoying family.

Sick, sick, sick!

So I’m starting over. I’m erasing my past, and I’m moving forward, going to a place unknown to myself at this moment in time.

So, I bid you goodbye. Maybe one day we’ll meet again.

 

THREE YEARS LATER

 

29 February 2010

20 years of age.

Peroxide blonde hair.

Slim and slender.

Zero imperfections.

Pale skin.

The eyes, they are the only thing that’s still the same.

I even have a different name now.

Yes, it’s me. Taylor Bagge. Pronounced Bah-jee. I’m surprised I can still say it, seeing as how I haven’t used that name in two and a half years. You see, I’ve been known as Laurie Cahnch. And, hey, I’m French!

Okay, you must be thinking "What on Earth is going on here? Who is this?". It’s still Tay. But, now I’m...different. I’m a spy. I infiltrate places and people with my new identity to catch the bad guys and beat them up. It’s something I’ve found I’m good at, and I’m helping people. Ha, once, I stopped a bomb from killing 200+ people. Not to brag, or anything. So, why am I here? Why am I alive? Why do I have a new identity? I’m afraid I can’t answer all those questions. Taylor Bagge was buried along with that empty coffin everyone she loved believed she was in. Little did they know, she’d cheated death. You see, Taylor got an offer she couldn’t refuse. A quick, swift death where no questions could be asked, and a new identity along with it. With the past being dead, and no future possible for someone in my position, I became a prime canditate for the French C.I.A. That stands for Central Intelligence Agency. They gave me what was practically a novel on this "Laurie Cahnch" girl. My orders were to read it word for word, know every single detail of this girls life, of my life. I had to become this person. The study, mixed with vigorous fight training sessions had me prepared within six months to go out into the force. They gave me liposuction, put me on a strict diet that won’t slow down my physical abilities or make me gain weight. They gave me plastic surgery, removed every freckle, every mole that could distinguish who I was. They gave me breast implants(not that I needed or wanted them). They tried to make me dye and cut my hair, but I refused. I love my hair. So they gave me a wig and glue to keep it on during fights, etc, in case someone grabs my hair. It holds so well. There’s only been one time it’s come off and the guy didn’t live to talk about it. They gave me these injection things I have to put in my forehead, chest, arms, stomach, lower and upper back, legs, and feet every morning. It’s a hassle, but it erases my DNA somehow and makes my skin extremely pale. Like a poreclain doll.

The only difference between me and a porcelian doll? I’d kill you without a second thought.

So, enough about me. Why am I back here, back to the place where it all started? It seems some old friends of mine are doing some very naughty things in naughty places, and I have to infiltrate my old group without being identified. So, why’d they send me if no-one can know who I am? Because I know them. My friends. I know what they like, how they act, who they’re more likely to accept into their group. I don’t know what the mission even is as of yet, and they didn’t tell me what excactly they’re doing, ow who’se even doing it. They told me to get a job at my ex-best friend’s second hand shop, which the interview is already set up for. They said to become friends with all my old friends, Emilly, Petra, Fiona and Gabe. These are the main culprits, I guess. I’ve been told just to live how I would if I wasn’t on a mission.

Unfortunatly for me, I’ve never mixed business with pleasure. I have a feeling this is about to change, knowing my buddies. It’s Emilly’s second hand shop that I’m going to the interview for in...holy shit...45 minutes. I’d better go. Wish me luck.

‘Where is she?’ Emilly tutted as she stood behind the large oak desk, tapping her long, black fingernails on the shiny wooden surface.

‘She’ll be here, just chill.’

‘It’s not a very good first impression.’ She mumbled as she glanced at the clock. ‘Ten more minutes. Then I’m putting a big, fat cross on her name.’

‘Emilly.’ Petra stood up from the chair behind the counter and looked her best friend in the eyes. ‘You can’t put a cross on her name, she’s the only person who applied.’

‘I can still hire her and put a cross on her name,’ Emilly shrugged, making her short browish-red hair bob up and down. ‘It’d make me feel better.’

‘I’m sure it would,’ Petra laughed as she picked up her sleek black handbag from under the counter. ‘I better get back to work or Jamie’s going to kill me.’

Emilly pouted. ‘Fine, go. Leave me here. Waiting. For all eternity!’

Petra shook her head, bemused, and waved goodbye as she closed the glass door behind her. Emilly muttered something inaudble under her breath as she glanced down at her watch on her slender wrist, just to see if the time was different to that on the wall clock. A low groan from her throat suggested it was no different. Biting back a large sigh, she flattened her blue skinny-leg jeans with her hands. She pulled off skinnys so well, being the very thin woman she was. Her olive skin clashed with the pale blue shirt she was ewaring, with pink embroided writing on the right breat saying "Ducheit’s Oppurtunity Shop".

Just as Emilly was about to give up hope and re-post the ad in the paper for a new worker for the fifth week in a row, the door opened, ringing the bell so loudly it made her jump a little.

A small smile reached the corner of Emilly’s thick glossy lips as she rushed around the counter, holding out her long, slender fngers to shake the hand of the new girl. ‘Thank god you’re finally here. I’m Emilly Ducheit, you must be Laurie.’

The girl giggled as she shook Emilly’s outstreched, eager hand. When she spoke, her French accent was so thick, Emilly had to concentrate to understand what she was saying. ‘Yes, I am Laurie. Eez lovely to meet you, Emilly.’ As the blonde stranger smiled, Emilly caught sight of her sparkling blue eyes. Then she saw her.

Her.

She gasped, and jumped back.

‘Eem so sorry!’ Laurie whsiepered as she clasped her hand over her mouth. ‘Did I do some’sing?’

Emilly opened her mouth to say soemthing, but all words were lost to her. She was focused on Laurie’s eyes. That blue, the bright blue, the colour of the sky on a perfect day. The colour models would weep for. The colour she’s only ever seen on one other person.

Taylor Bagge.

‘Emilly? Are you alright?’ Laurie reached her hand out to touch the other girls shoulder.

Shaking her head, she gulped and nodded. ‘Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry. It’s just...you really look like someone.’

As she studied her further, Emilly realised it was impossible. They had the same facial stucture, the same posture, the eyes, the lips. But Laurie was slim, almost as thin as herself, and Tay was bigger. Not fat, just curvy. Also, Tay had quite a few recognizable freckles scattered around her face and neck and arms, this girl had...nothing. Not a single spot anywhere to be seen. Her skin was almost too perfect.

Laurie said nothing to the remark, she just kept smiling. It was she was trained to do. Act. She was just an unknown actor that works in real life instead of movies. Everything about her smile was faux, she just wanted to burst into tears and hold her best friend like she’d never left. She knew Emilly could sense something about her, but there was no way she would ever be able to tell that Laurie really was Taylor. Laurie’s a better actress than Taylor ever was, she can hide her emotions behind a very real-looking smile, whereas Taylor used to leet her tears come up whenevr she was sad. She had no idea how no-one had discovered her depression earlier.

‘I’m so sorry for staring, I just...’ Emilly shook her head and looked away. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Eez okay,’ Laurie kept smiling, but she changed it to a caring smile, now. ‘Do you want to...er..talk about eet?’

Emilly felt a tear in her eye, but she quickly wiped it away. There was no need for the new girl to see her get emotional. ‘A very close friend of mine committed suicide a few years ago. You look a lot like her. I apologize for letting my emotions get the better of me. It’s really unprofessional.’ She wiped at her eyes again.

‘Oh, eet is fine, really. I am sorry to hear of your loss. She must ‘ave been special.’

Emilly laughed at this. ‘Special? A piece of me died with her that day. She was amazing. I miss her so much.’

Laurie’s heart sank as she looked at her friend, full of such sadness and despair. And it was all her fault. ‘I am terribly sorry.’ She said, knowing Emilly wouldn’t know everything she was actually apologizing for.

‘Heh.’ Emilly got a hold of herself, quickly. ‘Let’s condone the interview, shall we?’

Laurie nodded, and Emilly led her into a small backroom with a table and three creaky chairs with leather covers. There were two benches on one side of the room, one of them with a musty old coffee maker and the other with a sink that looked about ten years old. There was a dirty coffee cup next to the sink. Laurie recognized it immediately, and she accidentally dropped her guard for a second as she stared at it.

That mug, was her mug. Her favourite mug, she used to always yell at Emilly for using it when she came over. It was white, with hearts all over it and scribbled writing saying "hugs & kisses xo".

‘Cute, huh?’ Emilly grinned when she saw where Laurie’s gaze was fixated on.

‘Uh,’ Laurie didn’t know to say. ‘Yeah, eet just looks like some’sing from my past, ees all.’

‘Funny,’ Emilly said, not actually thinking it was funny, but more creepy and less coincidental. ‘It was Taylor’s favourite cup. I swiped it when her parents sold all her stuff in a garage sale.’

‘’Er parents sold all ‘er stuff? Why?’ Laurie asked, not realizing Emilly had set her up. She hadn’t actually said Taylor’s name until now, so how did she know it was the same girl she was talking about? Laurie quickly caught onto this. ‘Eem guessing, it is the same girl as you mentioned, yes?’

Damn, thought Emilly. ‘Yep. Same girl. Her parents ddn’t want the reminder that their own daughter hated her own life so much that she ended it.’

Laurie felt a tear start to form, but she thought of all the training she went through to get where she was right then, and shrugged it off.

‘They feel like they failed. We all felt like that. We thought she was doing okay. Obviously, she wasn’t.’

Laurie bit her quivering lip as she sat down.

Emilly let a small sigh escape as she shook away all thoughts of the past and focused on now. Right here with this stranger who was yet so familiar, and so alike her lost friend.

‘So, previous job experiene?’

‘I worked at a French restaurant since I was very young.’

‘Mmhmm. How old did you start, and why’d you quit?’

‘I s’ink I was 13. I quit when I moved ‘ere last month.’

‘That’s a long time, seven years. Did you enjoy it?’

‘Very much. I love customer service, ees my speciatly.’ Laurie twirled a strand of blonde hair with her long nails.

‘Well, Laurie, it sounds like you were made for this job. Congratulations. You start tomorrow, I’ll make up a roster. Just come in at about 10. We’re open from 8 until 5 so it doesn’t really matter. I’m not a harsh boss, but I like competence. ‘Kay?’ Emilly said. She was amazed at how professional she sounded, and smiled to herself cheekily. She loved being a boss.

‘I understand. Perfectly. I will see you tomorrow!’ Laurie shook her hand quickly and turned to leave, but Emilly quickl grabbed her arm lightly.

‘Laurie, look...uh...I’m going to sound like a crazy person right now, but...Taylor?’

Laurie knew excactly what she was asking, even though she didn’t really word it. She smiled, genuinely, and patted the girl on her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry,’ was all she said. Then she left, leaving Emilly there to start crying quietly.

 

30 February 2010

It’s my first day of work with my new boss. Whom I "just met". She knows. Even if she doesn’t know everything, something inside her can see through my facade. I can pull off French, I’ve been playing it for the last three years, but I’d known Emilly my whole life. I’m starting to think I can’t pull this off. Not here, not with these people. These are the people I love, the ones I care about. It’s different than being someone else with strangers, there’s no emotional ties. If I had the chance I’d tell them all who I am, what I’ve done, why I’m back...why I wanted to leave in the first place. Death without actually dying, it sounded perfect! If only I’d known the trauma I’d cause the people I love the most. Emilly was a mess, hiding behind her perfect life with her perfect job and professionalism. I could see through the act. As soon as she saw my eyes...goddamn my eyes. I should have gotten contacts. But, I needed something to still be real, you know? Inside of her, something really is dead. Just like she said. I’m a monster. And, my parents selling all my stuff?! How could they? It’s heartbreaking to think of! Everything I ever owned, my whole entire life, just sold to randoms who have no idea the value of anything. If only I could have just talked to them, warned them. Oh, well. It’s not like I can change anything now. Taylor Bagge is dead. She’s gone. Laurie’s in town. And she’s going to be late for work if she doesn’t effing hurry.

Every time someone would walk past the glass door, Emilly’s head would snap up, but it was never the person she wanted. Her phone sat inches away from her sweaty palms, her recently called list hiding the secrets of something she regretted, but felt had to be done. Emilly had her suspsiscions about the new girl. There was something, if only an essencce or presence, of Taylor in this girl. Something about her was...well, Taylor. It was there, she could sense it. And there was only way to make sure, and to find out what it was.

If Tay really was in there somewhere, she’d thank her.

‘Ah, eem so sorry I am late!’ Laurie burst through the door, making Emilly jump. She’d let thoughts take control of her reality. ‘The bus would not hurry up, then we was stuck be’ind a truck on the large roundabout. It was awful. Are you okay?’

Emilly nodded, keeping her composure. As she looked at this perfect stranger, she knew. There was dfinitely Taylor in there somewhere. She grinned to herself. ‘I’ll get you starting on counter. It’s simple...’

It tookonly half an hour for Laurie to learn all the basic skills of the cash register, she always was a fast learner. Emilly left to go stack some shelves and left Laurie at the counter by herself. The shop was only small, so she was always in eyesight.

After three simple transactions from customers, Laurie felt something deep inside her stomach. Nerves, perhaps? She had a bad feeling, as the door opened. Her head slowly rose and her heart nearly stopped in her chest. She quickly grabbed the counter to stablise her as she drew in a deep breath. What would she say? What would she do? She couldn’t do this. Was she kidding herself?

All this flashed through her mind as she stared.
There he was.

After all this time. He didn’t even look any different than the last time she’d seen him.

 

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