i'm too scared to be with you
Author: twelvetwix

Chapter 27
now what?

<i>justin: i don't want you to only last a week, i don't want you to only last a month, i don't even want you to only last you a year. i don't care how long we last, as long as we both tried to make it work.

me: i can't trust you right now. i'm way too fxckin` scared. i'd rather go bungee jumping than have you as my boyfriend.

justin: you know, i'm scared too.

me: why are you so scared? i try to put my heart and soul into every relationship. that's why it's so hard for me to find someone good enough. why are you scared of being with me? you've seen me through relationships already. you know how dedicated and commited i am.

justin: you're right about those three girls but look, i don't want you to be like them. those are the three girls i THOUGHT loved but i'm telling you, don't be like them. just be yourself. you know why i didn't want to be with them? i didn't have the same chemistry with them like i have with you. i didn't get the butterflies in my stomach when i was with them. i didn't twitch in my bed as we had those late night conversations.</i>

i blinked and i realized where i was. i was in the living room with the twins asleep on my stomach. they probably fell asleep when i was daydreaming while watching tv. i kept replaying what happened yesterday with justin. i've been crying ever since i got home from last night. even in front of the twins `cause i had to babysit since my parents were at choke ass parties catering ever since four in the morning. it was 2PM and i was watching mtv . i picked up the remote to turn off the tv so i can carry the twins back upstairs but mtv news came on and it was about justin.

sway: good afternoon world, this is sway. waited for your boy, shiny, at the airport? [pause] no? you know why? justin delacruz aka shiny, the new artist of the hiphop world is missing. here is his limo driver.

driver: i was waiting at the airport for shiny and his family to arrive at the airport from their vacation in hawaii but they failed to appear. only jerome, shiny's friend came back. i even came back 14 hours later because i knew there was another flight from hawaii but again, they failed to appear so i called his producers. jerome claimed to know nothing and that jerome went to the airport by himself.

sway: if you have any info on his where abouts, please call us at 1-800-mtv-help.

    my jaw dropped so hard that it cracked. i started flipping through the other channels to see what was going on. i thought justin went back to reno. i even told him to and he always listens to me no matter what. i got to channel 7 where the news was on.

reporter: new hip hop sensation, shiny has failed to report back home after a vacation in hawaii. his producers has been trying to get a hold of him and his family but each number had been disconnected. his friend jerome has no information.

    no, this couldn't be happening. was justin really heart broken that he killed his whole family and then commited suicide after? i started flipping through other channels and see what they knew. i turned to channel 3 and they also had fans being interviewed.

fan #1: i hope shiny's okay. i love him so much! we better find him.

fan #2: i know we'll find him. we better. if we don't, i'm gonna make him happy and be with him.

    wtf? justin's not that type of person that would kill himself. he had talked about it before but changed his mind. and no one would murder him. everyone loves him...besides those jealous haters but there isn't any here.

me: [tears bursting] where can he be?

    i start panicking and decided to call jeremy. after three rings, he answered his phone crying.

jeremy: did you hear the news?

me: yes! jeremy, where can he be?

jeremy: i don't know! hawh, i don't know. he wouldn't do anything to hurt himself.

me: we gotta find him!

jeremy: i don't wanna lose a friend!

    we hang up the phone and i heard the door knocking. i ran to it hoping it was justin but it was stacey and zaileen crying. i let them in and they started hugging me. i cried even more. i didn't think i had this much tears in me.

stacey: he's still alive. i know he is.

zaileen: he wouldn't do this us and himself.

    michelle wakes up and starts crying. she runs over to me with her blanket. she tugs my pants to tell me she wants me to pick her up. when i do, she hugs me and wipes my eyes.

michelle: mailyn, why are you crying?

    i take a seat on the couch where she came from and sat her down on my lap. i found a comfortable position but woke up michael also. i carried him onto my lap.

michelle: why are you crying?

me: justin's lost.

michael: maybe he's playing hide-and-seek.

me: i hope he is.

michelle: we'll help you find him.

michael: did you look in the clothes basket? that's where michelle always hides.

me: yeah i did but he's not there.

michelle: if you can''t find him then just yelled "ollie ollie oxen free!"

me: i don't think he can hear me.

    michelle and michael gives me a hug and i start crying more. i look up at stacey and zaileen who are watching me. i didn't want them to see me cry. i also didn't want the twins to see me cry so i told stacey and zaileen they can go home and call me if they find out anything. when they left, i packed three backpacks for myself and the twins. i called my parents and informed them that i was gonna go to the lake house. my parents bought a lake house with justin's parents back before we were born. we shared it with them and had trips over there when we had vacations from school. i haven't been there in years but i decided to get away from the city and take the twins there since they haven't been there yet. i loaded the truck with the backpack and the twins.

michelle: where are we going?

michael: are we gonna look for justin?

me: yeah.

michelle: if i find him first, can he take me on a date for mcdonalds?

    i couldn't help but laugh. she was so adorable when it comes to justin. aww, michelle's first crush. vincent's gonna be so jealous.

me: i don't know, up to him.

michael: if i win, can he take me to toys-r-us and buy me a airplane?

me: up to him i said.

    i started up the car as the twins start to argue about who's going to him justin first. we headed to the country side where the lake house is. when we started heading into the woods, the twins started getting scared. i was watching a scary movie last night to get my mind off justin but the twins started to watch with me. after they watched it, both of them clinged onto me like crazy.

me: don't worry. justin might be in here.

michelle: oooh, then i'm gonna find him first.

    we pulled up to the lake house and the twins started cheering. it looks like they were excited. they tried to get out of their car seats themselves but couldn't. they started whining which i hated when they did that.

me: if you guys keep whining then i'm not gonna let you guys out.

michelle: then no mcdonalds?

michael: no airplane?

me: that's why. i want you guys to stop whining before justin gives me those things.

    as they heard me say that, their mouths closed tight with a smile on their faces. i took them out as i put each backpack on them. i grabbed my keys and unlocked the front door. when i opened it, the twins went running inside. i stepped inside and looked around. it was way different than i remembered. the twins came back telling me they didn't find justin. i set the bags on the couch and headed by the lake with the twins. when we got outside, the twins started running toward the bushes. the lake looked so beautiful. it looked so good on a summer day. i started phasing out but the twins interupted me when they came back running.

michelle: i found him!

michael: not! i found him first!

me: what are you guys talking about?

    i looked at them with confusion. michelle started jumping up and down as they both pulled both arms. they guided me to the bushes where i saw a body. it was justin. he was sitting on the big chair looking stone as he skipped rocks. my eyes started bursting out with tears `cause i was so happy to see him. he turned around with a big smile on his face and stood up. i ran towards him and he hugged me and picked me up spinning me around. he set me down and he started laughing. michelle goes up to him and started tugging on his shorts.

michelle: can you spin me around too please? i found you first.

    justin picked her up and raised her up in the air and started spinning her. she started giggling. justin set her back down but michael got mad. he pulled michelle hair and she started crying. i slapped michael's hand and picked up michelle.

justin: michael, that wasn't nice. why'd you do that to your sister?

michael: i found you first!

michelle: not! i did.

    justin looked at me with confusion. he picked up michael as we headed inside the house and sat on the couch. he put michael on his lap and i put michelle on mine which made her stop crying.

michelle: mailyn told me if i found you first then you'll take me on a date for mcdonalds.

michael: and mailyn told me if i found you first then you'll buy me this airplane.

justin: is that why you guys are fighting? you know what, i'll take michelle for mcdonalds......AND get your airplane.

michael: ah ha mailyn. you don't get anything.

justin: no, she will. she'll get something really special.

    he looked at me with a smile on his face. after michelle told him what kind of mcdonalds she wanted and michael explained that kind of racercar he wanted, they fell asleep. me and justin carried them to the room i would stay in. we laid them down and we climbed onto the roof. the first time we went onto the roof was when we were ten years old. the last time we came here was when i found out about my mom being pregnant with the twins.

me: how long were you here?

justin: yesterday.

me: where's your parents and vincent?

justin: buying food.

me: why didn't you go back?

justin: to reno? [scoff] i couldn't.

me: you know how much people were worried? the twins caught me crying and i told them that you were playing hide-and-seek.

justin: mai, i can't do this anymore.

me: do what? the whole thing with "us"?

justin: the whole famous thing. that's why we're like this.

me: i don't want you to give up your dream because of me.

justin: you told me that i tell every girl i was with that i loved her....but i never really proved it to her because i didn't know how. this is why i'm doing this, mai. i'm willing to give all of this up for you.

me: what if i don't want you to do that? i already told you. i'm scared.

    omg, here comes the water works. justin's eyes filled with tears before me. i know he really loves me but i'm trying not to believe it. i don't know what to do with him.

me: justin, i want you to go back to reno.

justin: that's it?

me: justin, i won't be able to handle this.

    justin tried to hug me but i heard the twins crying. we hurried back down as we found reporters and justin's parents outside with justin's producers.

justin: ron! william! how'd you guy find us?

ron: we flew done here and found your parents in a store so we followed them here.

william: you could've at least called.

justin: you guys wouldn't understand.

    justin and his parents hop into the car as william and ron just stared at me like it was my fault that justin stayed here. i was the one who told him to go back home. HE was that one that didn't listen. 

ron: we could sue you for this.

william: but we're not.

    they both hop into the car. they drove off onto the road as michelle and michael starts running for the car. i chase them a few feet until they start crying.

michelle: where are they taking him?

michael: i won't get my airplane!

me: he's going back home.

    the twins started crying and whining and jumping up and down. as i cried too, i picked them up and headed inside. before i closed the door behind me, i looked back just in case they changed their minds. it was just trees and dirt.

me: i wonder what's going to happen with him.


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