i'm too scared to be with you
Author: twelvetwix

Chapter 20
byran's goodbye party

me: baby no matter what, i'd still love you so. one thing you gotta know is that i will always love so.

    as i got blow dried my air, i sang along to justin's song with my ipod playing on the speakers. i was getting ready for byran's party which i spent a hard day working on. i took a short one hour nap after i picked up all the food. i only woke up 19 minutes ago and i'm rushing to get downstairs. when my hair was dry, i threw it onto my bed and picked up my hair straightener.

me: but baby answer me-why would you treat me like i don't exist. how did we end up like this?

     there was a knock on my door and the knob turned. i watched the door just in case it was stacey or zaileen bsince they called me 10 minutes ago and told me that they were coming. the door opened and in walked justin.

justin: so you're jeremy's number one fan now?

me: hey.

    he was hiding something behind his back. i can tell. his hands were behind his back and he was smiling. i went back to straightening my hair when justin started singing along to his song.

justin: happy valentine's day!

me: it's not even valentine's day. it's not even the right month. it's not even the right SEASON you dumbass.

justin: well i guess you don't want this.

    i looked up and saw justin in the mirror. he was holding up a hello kitty doll and a box of godiva chocolate. i smiled, grabbed the stuff and gave him a big hug. it felt so good being in his arms. i just wish i can be in it forever but i can't. the thought of him going back home to reno in a week made me sad and the fact that he's with chelsea made me even sadder. i pulled back and sat onto my bed putting his gifts aside. he sat beside me and put his arm around me.

me: thanks for the gift.

jusitn: i just wanted to cheer you up since of what happened yesterday.

me: oh.

justin: so how you holding up?

me: good i guess but byran's known him better. you should talk to him.

justin: i already did. i got him a jacket and a $200 gift card at thisisit.

me: oh.

justin: man, how could kayden do that to himself? also to his friends, family, his life....his future. my boss back at home heard the song with him-he loved it.

me: that sucks then.

justin: c`mon. let's have fun tonight.

me: where's chelsea?

justin: she had over time.

me: she's always working that girl.

justin: that's why i love her.

me: you guys have been together how long? a week already? longest relationship this summer.

justin: yeah, i have a reason to.

me: what are you supposed to do when you go back home?

    what i said to justin hurted him and i can tell. i don't think justin thought about that. i bumped in and he felt back onto my bed and since his arm was still around me, i fell back with him.

justin: c`mon, are you done?

me: oh shxt. yeah, i think we should go down. i bet stace and zaileen are waiting bored out of their minds.

justin: i saw them talking to these upcoming seniors.

me: omg those girls.

justin: let's go downstairs then.

    he got up and put the gifts he gave me in my closet while i still laid on my bed. he slapped my leg playfully to get me up but i couldn't so he tickled the bottom of my foot and it twitched almost kicking his dick. but with his fast reflexs, he moved out of the way. i got up and fixed up myself up before me and justin headed downstairs. when we got out of my room, the whole house was so packed! this is what we get when we lived with a high schhol graduate that hung out with a lot og people...especially with guys,-hot guys. me and justin headed downstairs when i accidently bumped into my worst nightmare-vinny. me and vinny go about two years back. him and justin hate each other. it was vinny who always started everything but never made the first hit.

vinny: had a good time fxckin`?

justin: shut up you dumb fxck.

vinny: mailyn would've been better if i got to fxck her.

justin: don't fxckin` talk about her like that.

vinny: you know i don't wanna fight at byran's good bye party so i'm gonna save my bxtchassness for another time.

    i pulled justin downstairs as i found stacey and zaileen...flirting with the guys. i swear, everytime those two come to byran's party, they end up meeting someone. i looked at justin to see if he was mad or anything but he's was was normal. it was like nothing just happened.

justin: i hate that bxtch. i can't believe he was your longest.

me: i know.

    from the bottom of the stairs, we went our separate ways. he went into the kitchen and i went over to stacey and zaileen. i smiles at the guys as i sat down.

me: max, jj, get away from my friends.

max: why?

me: `cause i said so.

jj: gosh, i always knew you were mean.

me: shut up.

    jj pinched my arm playfully. i knew his weakspot, i flicked his nipple to get him back. he flicked my stomach and i pinched his cheek. he went in to poke my stomach but byran played the music. independant went on and everyone started getting up and dancing-also max and jj.

everyone: I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T! do you know what that means?

    i looked around and saw everyone dancing-in the kitchen, outside, in the living room, even my parents were dancing. i got up from the couch and joined jj and max. i got in between them and started dancing. the song changed and the boys got in the middle started krumping. i can see in their eyes that they were mad about kayden's death and letting it out. i even noticed that the girls that knew kayden were crying but stopped and danced it off. it inspired me and i started to break down but stopped. i joined them and krumped all my anger and sadness off.

* * * * * * * * * *

    i looked around and noticed that only his family was crying. everyone listened as kayden's parents made a speech about kayden. they took a long time since they were crying nonstop. i felt bad. i felt justin grab my hand and when i looked up at him, he smiled. he signaled that it was a good idea to get some fresh air but when i heard my name, i stopped. i turned around and kayden's parents wanted me to give a speech along with byran. i looked at byran in front of me and he nodded. we walked up to the front and i looked around.

byran: kayden was such a good friend to me. at our graduation, he gave me my first lei. when kayden first started coming to jchs in sophmore year, i was the first friend he made. he had a lot of dreams ahead of him. what a tragedy.

me: uhh, kayden would always tell me he loved me and i knew it was true by the way he treated me. kayden was the only guy who loved me as much i wanted any guy to. i noticed how byran and his friends would talk about kayden-he was shy and so quiet but when he was around me, he was the total opposite. he was very talented. he got to work with justin delacruz and his manager loved him. too bad he didn't make it.

    i looked up and i heard everyone clapping. me and byran got off the stage and headed outside for some air. me, justin and byran went over to the cafe of mililani cementary for some food. we sat in the corner and stayed quiet for a while.

me: i don't think kayden's parents like us. we didn't shead a single tear up there.

byran: i krumped it all out last night.

justin: everyone did. gosh, only if i had time to know him.

    after our little snack, we headed back inside and everyone was in line. it was time to view the body. the line went pretty fast because it's hard to look straight at someone that's dead. it was our turn-i grabbed both guys on each side. we leaned over and saw the corpse of kayden ramos. his skin was so pale. he was wearing a tux in a white cushioned coffin. the outside was gray. when everyone was done, we all headed outside and waited until they loaded the hearse with the coffin. it wasn't a long drive to the spot where they were going to bury the coffin. they set down the coffin and this was when everyone started crying. everyone had a rose and they threw it in the hole. since i knew kayden like roses, i went and made a lei out of hibicius this morning. i threw it in the coffin as tears started rolling down my face. i turned around hugged byran and justin as tight as i could. kayden's gone, byran's leaving today, and justin's leaving in a week-i needed a hug before they left.

* * * * * * * * * *

with about 13 cars following behind us, we headed to the airport with 3 boxes in the car i was in with byran, my dad, my mom and the twins. justin was in his hummer with 6 boxs. we got to the terminal for byran's flight and it was empty but it filled up when all byran's friends came. the workers helped byran with all his boxes.

me: byran, i can't believe you're gonna leave me.

byran: i thought you were happy that you finally have that room all to yourself.

me: i'd rather have you fill up that epmty space.

byran: just put a big picture of me sleeping by the wall.

me: it won't be the same.

    i gave him a big hug but i didn't want to let him go so i didn't. all his friends started crying and hugging each other but it was kinda hard with me still hugging him so when they hugged, i started suffocating in between. all my friends like stacey, zaileen, and maria gave him a hug and cried. justin also started crying and so did jeremy and steven. byran didn't want to leave anymore but he had to. his flight was in an hour but he had to get everything checked in. i gave him another big hug and he went inside.

byran: bye, i'll call all you guys when i get there.

    we watched him check in and everything and when he was done, he was gone.


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