i'm too scared to be with you
Author: twelvetwix

Chapter 19
a tragedy accurs

me:  fer maybe, fer not. fer sure eh fer sure bomb. pulled up at a stop light did drugs on the dashboard. look at the mess we made tonight.

jerome: kick off your stilettoes, kick off your stilettoes, and fxck me in the backseat, fxck me in the backseat.

me: haha, no thank you.

    on the freeway at 11 o`clock at night still blasting the radio in justin's car, i was finally going home. so much things happened today-me and kayden got into a big fight and probably aren't talking to each other anymore, me and justin got into a small argument, and jerome made me realized that i had feelings for justin and i admitted it...to myself and jerome only. justin's with chelsea and they've been together longer than any girl this vacay; justin's leaving in a week so i don't wanna deal with justin before he leaves with my feelings again; and i didn't want to be in a relationship yet since i still got two more weeks for summer vacation ahead of me. i was tired and my eyes were falling asleep so i let them rest. i was really tired and i had work again tomorrow so i decided to rest myself but since justin's radio was blasting, i couldn't. me and jerome were in the backseat because we went to drop off chelsea first and me and jerome were too lazy to move. justin noticed that it was quiet and he turned off the radio. he look into the rear-view mirror and saw my head resting on jerome's shoulder and his head resting on mine. my eye were still open but i was completely relaxed.

justin: you guys look so cozy together.

jerome: shut up.

    finally, after 30 minutes asleep in justin's car, i got home. everyone-even byran-was asleep. i put my flats onto our shoe rack by the stairs and headed up. when i entered my room, i checked the time before i changed into my pjs. it was only 11: 37pm. i jumped onto my bed with my phone in my hand and thought about my fight with kayden. i wanted to at least apologize for using him to go through my denial for my feelings for justin. i flipped my phone open and looked for name. i played a little thought of how the conversation was going to end up. i knew it was going to be ugly but i at least had to say i was sorry and tell him the truth. as i press send, my heart beated so fast `cause i was so nervous and scared.

me: kayden?

kayden: yeah.

me: are you mad at me?

kayden: who's this?

me: what do you mean "who's this?"

kayden: no, for real. who's this?

me: it's mailyn!

kayden: try hold up fast kind.

me: but i gotta talk to you.

kayden: try call me back later yeah. i'm busy. btw, don't forget to leave a message before you hang up.

me: what a bxtch! i fell for his answering. i never heard his answering machine since he always answers my calls. gosh, he's super mad at me. i know he hates me. hawh, oh well. it's not like i care. i was that one who told him that i didn't like him.

    after all i said to him, i wanted to tell him that i was sorry. i didn't want our whole friendship ending like that. that night, i tried to stay up waiting for his call. eventually, i fell asleep with my phone next to my heart...literally.

* * * * * * * * * *

    the following morning, i woke up to the bed shaking which i thought the twins were jumping on the bed which they do time to time. i started whining and tried to push them off the bed but no one was there so i tried going back to sleep. a few second later, someone's shaking me. when i opened my eyes, i see my parents looking down on me. i looked at the time and it was seven in the morning. i start work in two hours so i figured that my parents just woke me up because of that but they had a serious look on their face. are they going to scold me for coming later than i planned last night?

me: what's wrong?

mom: i want you to go downstairs. there's some police officers wanting to talk to you.

me: why?

dad: it's better to have the police tell you.

    they left my room and my mind started thinking of the stupidest things. did i get caught doing something? i was scared out of my mind but i wanted to find out now so i brushed my teeth, cleaned my face, and combed my hair before i went down. i reached the top of the stairs and i can see a man police officer sitting on our couch drinking cups of coffee along with powdered sugar dounuts. when i got toward the bottom of the stairs and i saw byran crying.

officer: hi, i'm officer macam.

me: hi, i'm mailyn. what's going on?

officer: when was the last time you've seen kayden ramos?

me: yesterday. why? is he missing?

officer: well the good news is that he's NOT missing.

me: really? where is he? why are you here?

officer: he WAS missing but we found him...in a ditch up in the moutains.

    i collapsed but good thing i landed on the couch. i was still breating but i had a hard time. i looked over to byran and he was crying his heart out. i haven't seen him cry like that. that made me break down too.

me: what happened?

officer: it looked like a suicide attempt.

me: omg, i think it was because of me.

officer: don't worry, he's in the hospital right now.

me: so he's going to be okay right?

officer: if you want, we can take you to the hopsital to visit him right now. i'll ask you a few more questions on the ride there.

    the officers left for a while to buy some food so later, they'd come back and me and byran had time to change and get ready. as i changed, i got so many phone calls because they heard the news about kayden. yeah i was crying but everyone thought i was devestated. even byran was crying more than i was. i took a quick shower and put some clothes on. after i had my clothes on, i told mr. munoz i wasn't going to come in for work today. before i headed downstairs, i decided to check up on how byran was doing. i walked into his room and i found him looking for socks in his drawers.

me: how you holding up?

byran: i always knew he was this stupid.

me: huh?

byran: you know why he was like that with you? he had the personality of bipolar.

me: huh?

byran: he's not bipolar but he acts like it.

me: oh. you're not blaming me right? about what he did?

byran: of course not.

    an hour later, the police officers got to our house and took us to kapiolani hospital. on the way there, officer ramos was making me uncomfortable. i didn't know if i was going to be convicted of kayden's accident of whatever but i was crying the whole time. after the secretary told us where kayden's room was, me and byran went running. we got into the room and kayden was lying on the bed with wires going through his body. he had bandages all around his body but he was still alive.

me: how can you be so fxckin` stupid?

byran: you hadn't even been in your dorm yet. you had like five days left. fxck, my party's tomorrow!

me: how can you fxckin` do this? to me? to byran? to yourself? to your future?

kayden: i lost a lot of blood. my skull is fractured so i'm going through surgery for it. there's a 70% i might not make it.

me: when are you going?

kayden: in an half and hour.

byran: dude this is fxcked up.

kayden: not my fault.

me: are you saying that it's MY fault?

byran: bro, don't fxckin` talk to my sister like that.

me: you're fxckin` blaming me that today might be the day you die?

byran: i'll be right back. i'll give you guys some time to talk `cause i'm fxckin` ass hungry.

    before byran leaves, he gives me the face he always gives me. he gets worried when it comes to guys and me. he's scared that i might get hurt again. byran's one of my best friends.

kayden: why else do you think i tried to kill myself?

me: why didn't you tell me you're bipolar-ish?

kayden: because i knew you weren't going to love me if i told you. but either way, it didn't work.

me: i can't believe you're blaming me. i fxckin` regret coming here.

kayden: if you didn't care about me, why'd you come?

me: i'm not THAT dickhead you know.

kayden: well i'm still gonna die. no matter what.

me: you know that i really am sorry. i really did like you but the way you treated me. i was too scared to be with you.

kayden: tell me the truth. this might be the last time i might see you.

me: don't fxckin` say that.

kayden: like you care.

me: i DO care. but not in the way you want me to.

kayden: but just tell me the truth. tell me you love justin and i'll forgive you IF-that's a big if-but IF i make it through the sugery.

me: hawh, i love justin.

kayden: like i said, you were the only girl i ever loved.

me: promise me that we'll stay friends. hoping you'll come out alive, can we stay friends? i don't wanna feel awkward with each other.

    i tried to give him a hug but i couldn't so i shook his arm. there was a knock on the door hoping it wasn't the nurse. luckily, it was byran. he had food from the cafe downstairs. i was super hungry too so when he walked in, i dived for the food. me and byran were on the chair eating as byran tried talking to kayden when his mouth wasn't full. while we were eating, the nurse came in to take kayden to the operating room. omg, even though it's not me going to get the sugery, i was scared out of my mind. they pulled him away as me and byran held back our tears.

    after two hours, the surgeon, dr. tuifua, came out and informed us with kayden. me and byran were holding onto each others hand.

dr. tuifua: i'm sorry, kayden didn't make it.

    me and byran broke down. we never had a friend die before.


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