i'm too scared to be with you
Author: twelvetwix

Chapter 18
my "break up" and a day with jerome

the following morning after everyone left my house, i headed down the stairs because i had work. i was wearing a tank top with Fox all-over print tee with ring, heart, money and logo print designs and razor back with cinched design with skimmer star classic capris, and mary ann graffiti flats with metallic print. i had to buy a few outfit for good-bye parties all next week since byran's party is on wednesday night which in two days. it's going to be at our house but tons of people are gonna be there so i needed a new outfit. i would wear all those clothes justin bought for me last week but i wore all them already so i planned to go shopping after work. my mom was in the living room with the twins getting them ready since they were going to the zoo.

mom: mailyn, kayden stopped by like a few minutes ago. i think he's waiting for you in his car.

me: okay thanks.

    i opened the front door and saw his car sitting on my driveway and kayden leaning against it like a super model. he smiled and took my hand and kissed it.

me: why'd you do that?

kayden: to be nice.

me: you're always nice to me.

kayden: headed out to work?

me: yeah.

kayden: i'll take you there.

me: are you sure? you're not busy?

kayden: nope, i got majority of my stuff packed up, i already quit my job, the `rents are out buying stuff for the party, and my sisters and brothers are out.

me: sure.

kayden: and maybe we can spend time after work?

me: okay, i gotta go shopping anyways.

kayden: okay.

    the ride to pearlridge was so awkward-for me anyways. i kept playing what happened from last night all over and over again. i don't like kayden, i don't wanna be with him. he's too annoying. kayden tried to keep our conversation going but when he noticed that i was giving him the maximum of three word answers, he figured something was wrong.

kayden: you don't seem like yourself today.

me: just thinking.

kayden: about what? aww, are you sad that everyone is leaving? don't worry, i'll come and visit you.

    i didn't say anything. i stayed quiet for the rest of the ride to pearlridge. too many thoughts were just going through my head. i couldn't take it anymore. we finally got there and we stopped at the entrance to drop me off.

kayden: i love you. pick you up later.

    he leaned in and tried to kiss me. i exploded. i dodged his kiss and he looked at me with his sad eyes. i felt bad but not enough to break down into tears. i guess he wanted to talk since he went ahead and found a parking spot.

kayden: what's wrong?

me: you.

kayden: what about me?

me: you being in my life is wrong.

kayden: what are you trying to say?

me: don't you get it? do the math! i won't kiss you, i won't say that i love you, i don't wanna spend time with you as much as you want to spend time with me! how can you be so stupid? i don't wanna be with you! i don't have feelings for you! i don't like you! I DON'T LOVE YOU!

kayden: what? why couldn't you break up with me AFTER my party?

me: "BREAK UP?" kayden, we were never together. you were never my boyfriend.

kayden: why couldn't you tell me sooner so i wouldn't have got you that necklace.

me: you want it? here!

    i ripped the necklace off around my neck and threw it at him. he didn't even look up when the necklace landed on his lap.

kayden: so what you said when you liked me, that was a lie. when you told me you loved me, that was a lie. great, thanks for being another girl that lied to me. i thought you were different.

me: kayden! listen to yourself! yeah i liked you but you've changed. you're just too damn clingy. even though we weren't together, it felt like i had no freedom.i felt so tied down because i didn't want you to have a panick attack! gosh, that's why i haven't been spending time with you since you were just so damn irritating!

kayden: the first time i saw you at byran's party sitting all by yourself, it was love at first sight. hearing about you around my friends, i thought you were so cool but now that i actually had the chance to know you, spend time with you-you were just so wrapped up in this world where you can do anything you want and i love you for that.

me: it's not my fault.

    he looked up at me and his eyes had tears rolling down his face. he looked like me of when i lied to justin. i knew kayden really care about me but it's too late-he's leaving in a week. i took a deep breath and opened the door. i got out and slammed the door without saying anything or even looking at him.

* * * * * * * * * *

    as i grabbed my tote from my locker, trina informs me about someone waiting out side for me. i nodded my my head as i thanked her. my shift was already over so i head over and clock out. as i headed outside, i was getting paranoid that it was kayden waiting for me outside. i looked and no one was there besides a couple, some old lady, a group of six probably eighth grade guys and a girl, and jerome. wait, what?

me: (aside) why is jerome here by himself?

    i headed towards him as i watched him stare at these pair of black zoo york shoes that would match with his outfit. he was wearing a black zoo york shirt and dicke shorts. he should really buy those shoes because his white and red shoes didn't match his clothes.

me: jerome, who you stay with?

jerome: what?

    oh yeah, i forgot he's from reno. when he came over that one night over my house, i was talking to him trying to get justin's friend better, he didn't understand half i said. yes, i'm local and i talk it but it's kinda common sense of what we say. who you stay with=who are you with?

me: where's justin?

jerome: he was right behind me. i think he's in the front waiting.

me: just to be sure, you were the one who called for me right?

jerome: yeah.

    me and jerome finished our small talk wrapping it up by talking about stacey's relationship staus, and headed out to look for justin. jeans warehouse was just five steps to the right of pacsun and wet seal was 20 steps forward in coming from pacsun. justin was skimmg through the jackets when he came to catch up with us.

me: justin, what kind of friend are you? just ditching jerome like that. tsk tsk.

    after a 20 second arguement, we finally got to go shopping-well i finally got to go shopping. i couldn't decide where to go so i took my two gum wrappers from my pocket and wrote on one: wetseal and the other: jeans warehouse. i put them in my fist and shook it. then i took on from each hand. i made jerome choose first. he got wetseal. i shook it again and made justin choose. he got wetseal. with the random drawing, we headed to wetseal. i look around as i can see in the corner of my eye jerome and justin joking on with the clothes by trying it on. justin tried to put on a tube top around his legs thinking it was a skirt. after half an hour looking around the whole store, nothing was eye catching but only to be worn at home. of course, there were tons of things that i wanted but they were just too dressy. byran's party is on  wednesday, justin's one is on monday and aww shxt, kayden's one is on friday but i don't think i'll go.

justin: are you done yet?

me: let's head over to jeans warehouse.

    jerome was okay with walking around and following my like my little kids as they wait for me shop. but speaking of little kids, justin was acting like a big baby stomping his feet and whing as he walk over to jeans warehouse. once i got inside, i found this polka dot silk top. i went to grab it and omg, it was the last one. i looked at the size-fxck, not my size. justin's child-ish behavior rubbed off on me and i started whining and straching my head. i can tell justin was getting bored already so he started looking around and grabbing random clothes to hurry me up.

justin: here and let's go.

    i examined the top he wanted me to get but it wasn't that eye-catching. the colors were off and it was just too plain. he put it back and took another top from the rack.

justin: here. now can we leave?

me: that's ugly. you know i don't match in green.

    he put it back and walked over to another rack and grabbed a random top...again. this time, it was actually pretty. i looked for my size. wtf? justin was looking through the plus sizes.

me: are you calling me fat?

justin: can you pick something already?

me: you know me already! gosh, i was gonna go by myself anyways. why'd you guys come if you knew i was gonna take long?

justin: i don't know.

me: why are you whining more than usual? do you have somewhere to go?

justin: i gotta meet up with my babe.

me: why won't you just go?

justin: i don't wanna leave jerome but i don't wanna make him feel like a third wheel.

me: how long are you gonna take?

justin: just like two hours.

me: i'll cruise with jerome.

justin: okay thanks.

    justin gives me a quick hug as him and jerome do their handshake. i watched them do it and omg, it was longer than the three stooges' handshake. that's what i call justin, jeremy and steven together. justin heads outside and rushes to see chelsea. i haven't seen him happy and so excited to have a girlfriend.

me: that's what i call destiny.

jerome: speaking of destiny, you think you can use your employee discount to buy me this jacket?

me: i don't have money. i only have enough to buy an outfit for byran's party.....which i haven't found yet.

jerome: i got money for my jacket...and here, i found this for you.

    he showed me what he was hiding behind his back. i didn't even know he was hiding something. i looked at what he picked out and it was a silk black and white polka dot top.

me: wow, this is really pretty. you have nice style.

jerome: no problem. i grew up knowing girls' styles.

me: you're not gay are you?

jerome: haha, no. i had a lot of money and i would always get my girlfriends new clothes. at first, i had the same problem as justin but their styles grew onto me.

me: speaking of girlfriends, you and stacey.

jerome: what about?

me: c'mon, i'm not stupid. i work in a place where teenagers go. plus, i'm one too. i knew when someone likes someone.

jerome: how?

me: you guys talk about the most randomest things. i mean, you guys just met but you guy talk like me and justin.

jerome: soooo....you like justin?

me: i didn't mean it like that.

jerome: c`mon. he told me what you did to him. how can you get over that?

me: i don't know. i just did.

jerome: or you think you did.

    i went to the cash register to pay for the top that jerome found for me. the whole time, jerome was giving that "stop lying to yourself" shake and look. i wanted to get some food so we went over to burger king about 10 stores away. we sat in a booth with jerome still giving me that look.

me: why do you keep looking at me like that?

jerome: just admit that you still like justin, then i'll stop.

me: why would i like justin? i already know that he doesn't have feelings for me.

jerome: you don't know that.

me: yes i do. he told me that so many times.

jerome: so?

me: omg, even if he did have feelings for me-which i highly know he doesn't-he's with chelsea. they belong together. did he tell you the story about that?

jerome: yeah.

me: see.

jerome: c`mon. i think love is stronger than destiny.

me: huh?

jerome: pretend you and justin DO hook up and end up together. then you guys get married and he finds chelsea on the street at a bus stop because she has a bad boyfriend that she lives with and he took the car. they started talking and getting re-aquainted. they start liking each other but justin is married with you. so justin doesn't want to talk to her anymore. chelsea breaks down crying and wants him back. i'm saying that even though destiny keeps bringing them together, justin loves you and never wants to leave you.

    i look at him and he's staring at me waiting for my answer about his little "theory." i give a little smile and then a pout. i put my head down on the table and lightly pounded pounded it on the table. jerome pulls my head and holds it up so i stopped.

jerome: you're gonna lose brain cells doing that.

me: good. it'll help me get over justin if i become MORE stupider than i already am.


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