the world within me
Author: Ella

Chapter 72
I just want someone to tell me

I just want someone to tell me

I cannot really remember

When was the last time I laid down

No more anxious about tomorrow

No longer wearing a frown

I cannot really recall

How long it’s been since I smiled

Since I really forgot everything

And didn’t feel so defiled

Every morning I wake up anxious

A feeling that won’t go away

It follows me in silence

And nags me all through the day

Sometimes in the middle of nowhere

My back will suddenly feel tense

As if something is coming

Keeping me in worried suspense

When I do smile and I do laugh

Inside I’m still stressing out

And when I work with my abilities

All I feel is endless doubt

What I used to find comfort in

The fleeting images on the TV

I no longer pay attention

I can no longer see

I give up and go to sleep

Hoping it will go away

But I wake at midnight

Sweating in dismay

I’ve tried everything

Tried to relax all I can

But nothing works anymore

I wish someone would understand

I don’t ask for help

Because it makes me feel weak

But I can’t live like this forever

Not even through this week

Here’s my reply my dear friend:

Which day in my life have I felt strong

What moment was I not weak

When was I not a rotten apple

Or a lazy, weird and boring freak

Which day would I gain the power to live

To say truthfully I am not tired

Which day did I not face the world

Feeling dead and almost fired

Indeed people see me

And say so loud

That I have nothing to

Worry about

But really seriously

Maybe it’s true

I don’t have the same

Worries as you

But my worries stem

From deep within

Where once was quiet

My soul wears thin

I struggle inside

A sorrow to speak

But silence I keep

Feeling so weak

I have no right

No right like you

To say it out

All real all true

They will not listen

I cannot complain

For they believe

I never feel pain

Oh well I say

Just let it go

Keep it inside

No one will know

It hurts sometimes

To bloat with sorrow

But I still hold a hope

A dream for tomorrow

You can tell the world

How you really feel

But for me who would listen

As if it’s a big deal

Nothing I face

Compares to theirs

They have more worries

And more cares

What shall I say

Life is unfair

But I have a God

Who loves me with care

I have felt weak

But I embrace such weakness

For through it

God has shown me greatness

I’m sorry I cannot sympathise

For I do not go through the same

But we all have troubles sometimes

We hold anxiety, guilt and shame

My suggestions may fail they’re imperfect

In many areas I too lack

And maybe you just you wasted time

Reading my long and boring rhyme

But dearest friend remember one thing

That I’ve told you before

Those who admit they are truly weak

Are the strongest in Jesus forevermore

 

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