Withered Weather
Author: Ella

Chapter 19
trapped

sunshine sunk into the softness of her quilt and dug her hands into the pillow. she had heard of how comfortable this softness was and as she tried to experience it for herself, tears trickled down her cheeks.

as she continued stroking the pillow repeatedly, each stroke grew stronger and more persistent. more tears came rushing out from her eyes. she had never cried and as she saw herself wet the bed, she was filled with grief.

her mother entered the room and sat beside sunshine on the bed. she saw her daughter's tears and was stunned.

rubbing away sunshine's tears, she asked, "what made you cry?"

sunshine pulled away from her mother's hand and sniffed.

"you never shed a tear over anything, sunshine. not even when you got angry. doesn't crying feel great? relieving all your sorrows. it's much better than shouting and hurting others."

sunshine absorbed her mother's words thoroughly. she did feel a little better after the tears fell and the heat of her anger had dissolved as she cried but know that her mother was here and speaking to her, the anger grew back again. it began as a tiny flicker. and then a small, smoky flame. the flame warmed her more and more and the fire grew.

"sunshine, would you like to go and stay with lavender again?" her mother tried to sound nice and not threatening. "you loved the countryside last time."

sunshine's heart jumpped. go back to where she could laugh. to where she could forget all those children?! or was it going back to the beach, going back to where she would meet may. she could never forget what may did to her. may was the second person to rob her of her freedom, but she was the very first to make her feel helpless. and sunshine hated that feeling to the core. may was now only associated with helplessness, pretence and a threat. sunshine hated may. how could she go back with lavender to relive those moments when she first met may. and the beach. she would never go back there again.

"you don't have to go to the beach," her mother said as if reading sunshine's mind. "you can just stay in that peaceful little house with lavender."

sunshine had mixed feelings about going back there. she looked around her at the dark walls of the room and out of the window to the streets where children would run and play. she felt trapped. trapped in her own dark world where no light could pervade. and then she thought that her mother was the one that had trapped her. wanting to rebel, she wanted to leave too. leave with her aunt and be freed from her mother. sunshine's mother had feared this moment. then she thought about it again. now her mother was breaking the chains that held her in for so long, she was the only one trapping herself now. turning away from her mother, she looked out through the window once more and replied in a hard tone, "i will go."

sunshine's mother did not know to feel joy or to feel loss. afterall, she knew in her heart this could mean losing her daughter.

 

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