Withered Weather
Author: Ella

Chapter 16
anger

sunshine closed her eyes when she heard the ward door swing open. a gentle breeze from the corridor wiped across the room. her mother entered and stood by the door in silence, watching her daughter. casting a saddened gaze on sunshine, she asked herself if she was at fault for sunshine's pitiful state. sunshine blamed her mother badly for everything that she had to go through yet her mother failed to realise the pain sunshine really felt. it's just a teenager's temperament, her mother had reassured herself. but sunshine was not just an ordinary teenager, she never had a life like the other children in the first place. sunshine thought that her mother was not at all smart, in fact even stupid to be unable to understand sunshine's real feelings.

sunshine felt chilled and started shivering. she tried to control her shivers but was unable to. the air was indeed cold but it sunshine's chill came from within herself. within her warm body through from the depts of her frozen heart. at that point in time, her mother saw her and quickly rushed to assist her. she tucked the cover neatly under sunshine's chin. feeling her mother's hands, sunshine's eyelids flickered.

"sunshine, you're awake?" she asked softly.

sunshine did not respond to her mother's words and continued pretending to sleep.

"i know you're not asleep. why are you ignoring me?"

the fury inside of sunshine grew and formed in flicks of flame. the words echoed through her head. "why are you ignoring me?!"

sunshine could not hold her anger in. she had always been able to subdue the flames in her icy cold heart but now she exploded.

"why am i ignoring you?!" she screamed.

"sunshine!" her mother recoiled at her sudden outburst.

"you're such an idiot! you're stupid! you don't even know anything about me! and you pretend to care?! by sending that stupid lady to talk to me?! like she will help! she just sits there and smiles herself away. and she doesn't understand anything yet she acts as if she does! and now she doesn't even smile anymore! she just stares you straight in the face just cos you won't speak to her! and this is what she did to me! do you know that?! this is what you did to me! and i hate you for it!"

sunshine shed no tears in any of it. her rage would never make her cry. sunshine never cried. she was a strong, insensitive girl. it had all desensitized her. yet the anger made her feel alive. at least she could feel. it gave her a sense of power. a sense of authority. they could do everything they wanted to her body but they could never stop her from getting angry. she could not feel physical pain nor any touch but she could get angry and that made her feel the warmth. the warm rushing of hot blood through her veins. the savage anger warmed her freezing body. no one else felt such comforting warmth when they were in a rage, but for sunshine, being angry meant being alive. she was still alive and she could still feel. and they could never take away her feelings. suddenly, the defeat, the helplessness, it dissolved as the power of anger overtook her mind. anger gave her power. for no one could control her anger. no one could ever defeat it.

 

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