the world within me
Author: Ella

Chapter 52
second from the front

i sit second from the front
waiting to receive my papers
my heart racing wild
it goes on and tapers

she turned around and grabbed my hand
fearing she would fail
i held it tighter as time passed
as silence did prevail

a smile broke across her face
i was happy for her
she grinned widely
in her hands the paper

a green pen and a calculator
placed neatly on the table
nothing more can we change
i felt quite disabled

i have my dreams piled up high
but complacency takes reign
and for someone to do better
i can feel the pain

am i selfish i oft ask myself
is it wrong to take away
someone else's dream
i know it's not okay

everyone has dreams
as much as i may hold
and mine is not more important
yet i long for it to unfold

there'll always be someone better
there's no way to be there
for further is the road of life
i wish i didn't care

then there will be another time
i'd try harder still
yet why do i feel guilty
and jealousy unveal

of course my cry was quiet
no one thought anything was wrong
i kept it in my heart
i sang my lonely song

no one would hear of me
i'm supposed to be happy
grateful for the piles
of wonderful victory

yet why is my heart aching
and tugging with such pain
when i should be so grateful
that i survived the rain

perhaps i've climbed too high
too selfish have i been
and now aware too much
too much have i seen

but still my secret hope
my heart is beating slow
and leaping for that moment
in which i once more glow

what perfect faith must one have
to believe all God tells
but have i asked myself
is this God's dream as well

my dreams will always be mine
but who am i to believe
perhaps it's really not His will
of what i can achieve

there's more than this i know
yet i live and deny
that one day my wishes
will be the last of my cry

 

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