Twin Beeches -- an Illinois Love Story
Author: paul schoaff

Chapter 102
Everyone's comments since first posting

November 10, 2009   1000 browsers, 318 first page readers.


Liz Thursday, August 13, 2009

This is a really tense and exciting beginning, as things start to happen so quickly it draws the reader in. Its also very descriptive so I could picture the scene very vividly.
I'll definitely read more!

Si Thursday, August 13, 2009

Hi Paul, long time no write. I see you are still riding on the preverbial crest of a wave on here! And rightly so! I took BOF off a while back - partly becasue I wanted to finish it, and partly because of the resounding lack of interest (apart from your own and the very occasional other, to whom I'm very grateful). It was only featured once (I was over the moon) but it was for only a very shot time. Just thought the risk outweighed any tangible benefit - for now at least. And indeed nobody seemed to notice it was gone.
I really am very nearly finished now (missed my 6 Aug deadline, but it certainly meant I progressed rapidly); it's all tearing towards a climax and it feels good. Maybe once I've rererere-edited, again, I'll stick part of it back on. Good luck fella, you deserve it.

paul schoaff Monday, August 10, 2009

This novel is a work of FICTION. Did anyone ever kill themselves in 'Woodland' because they felt really badly about being responsible for someone else's death? Well, of course, though I think they probably ran into a tree at 80 mph, or drank themselves to death.

All the characters (except Fay Rawley, Ray Farley, who was real) are fictitious. Some of the events were real, some weren't. I'd be spoiling everyone's fun if I told which was which.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

You made up "Fiber" Glass, didn't you? There weren't anybody but doctors lived out by the Reservoir. That sure is the bridge and the dock, though.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

you have an art for what the reader wants to hear... to be able to imagine what he or she needs to grasp the thoughts and actions of your characters.

I like the way you've started this.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Excellent beginning. You draw the reader in straight away.

paul schoaff Friday, July 31, 2009

Dawson's comment is more of a compliment than most readers might realize. Now There is a writer!

Friday, July 31, 2009

Bravo! I love that you set up the story. You know how to write.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

i usually hate reading long stories except for the ones that keep me interested=] good job


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I think you have incredible potential. Detail is good and so is your element of suspense. You're off to a good start. (:



 

Monday, June 08, 2009

Hi Paul,
Many thanks for all the info. It is a subject that fascinates me. I'll get into it as soon as I've made my move across the sea.
Best wishes, Sheila (Pinpoint)

Sunday, June 07, 2009

i've read to chapter fifty, believe me. i like commenting on prologues, don't know why, it's just a thing. ;] thanks for commenting!
-haley

paul schoaff Saturday, June 06, 2009

Now, Chanel, I love your enthusiasm, but why don't you read a few chapters before assuming I'm such a great writer. I'll come take a look at your material

Saturday, June 06, 2009

i like this a lot! you should send it to a publisher, it would get published for sure.


 

X Wednesday, May 27, 2009

:) i'm actually in the middle of writing the entire outline for awod. playign around with some ideas to make Mary-Annalee's stay there meaningful for people other than herself. Dreams can be selfish and unwilling to help one another because they are so concerned abtou gettign themselves out of that place. Mary-Annalee overcomes that selfishness with ease because of her large family and learned attitude for thinking of others just as much as herself. before the story goes, she takes out several people. a four year old named Parker Delainey, silas, jeremiah, a girl named Mallory Hastings who is Parker's half sister, Amiel, Anya, and i'm thinking if maybe there will be others. i'm quite excited for this to pull together and see what people get out of it. my main goals for morals/purposes the story has are-
1. think of how you can impact the lives of others.
2. life is too short to be afraid.

we'll see how that goes i guess.... maybe that'll be my muse today, eh? finishing the outline and starting up the next chapter....we'll see.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My God, that's the first praise I recieved that had any insight. It was actually more than exclamation points and emoticons. I have faith in the internet once more!

Don't fear, I have a struggle planned for the character, which has to do a lot with the first chapter, and will reveal the motives behind his actions. I'm writing achronologically, just so you're aware.

I try with vocabulary. I always write with a thesaurus and multiple dictionaries so that I can cross reference each new word before I use it. I particularly like words with double meanings or connotations because I can say two things of equal importance at the same time.

Glad you like my work. Personally, I thing yours is exceptional and I'll take time to critique it later. I promise.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Mr. Shoaff, you're a good writer and editor.



xxxxxx Saturday, May 16, 2009

Hey Paul, cheers for your comments on my novel Tipping Point... I'll look into what you have said and post an amended version over the weekend together with further chapters... sorry not had time to read your book postings yet..!! cheers, S.Rosser

  

xxx Saturday, May 09, 2009

Thank you for that lovely comment on my new fanfic "Dear Diary"
A fanfic is short for Fan Fiction. It's when you write based off of something that has been written, or filmed, and so on. The things I write are fanfics of my favorite show "Instant Star"

xxx Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Hi Paul. Thannks for your latest comment - you are generous as ever. I haven't started the agency letters thing yet. I'm too preoccupied, with a) life, and b) finishing the damn thing first. i feel it would put me in a stronger position if the story, at least, was complete. What do you think?
I'm so slow I frustrate myself, but I'm nearly there.
OK,I hereby set myself a target. My birthday is 6 August - I shall have the story finished by then.
Thanks for support and for keeping in touch. You are right, this site deserves a success - it is by far the best of it's type I've found.

xxx Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Excuse me... in my last comment it says,"...too good for I wish..."
That meant to be," too good for words. I wish..."
Just wanted to clear that up.

xxx Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Wow, the first few chapters are.... too good for I wish I had time to read more, but I don't. You are a brilliant writer.

Do you mind reading and commenting on the Preface of my story: the Heavens. Being a writer this good, you could probably give me some pointers.

Thanks a billion,
Natalie Berry

xxx Sunday, May 03, 2009

Thanks for the comment!! I do have to work on grammer and other things!! I don't know anything about writing a book!! I think you are an amazing writer and you desrve more than 5 stars! I wish I was as good as you because you describe things so well and your storys just flow so smoothly. :)

xxx Sunday, May 03, 2009

no, probably not. unless i run across something funny on the net

xxxx Sunday, May 03, 2009

I read the last several chapters, but I guess I'll have to read more of it to understand the ending. How did Eddie get his hands on the money, for example?

xxxx Friday, May 01, 2009

haha. i doubt it's going over YOUR head. Its supposed to be like a Capulet vs. Montague(spelling?)/family feud type of thing. that’s about all i have right now b/c I/m too wrapped up in other books. these first couple chapters were just to set up the rest of the story, which doesn't exist yet.

xxx Sunday, April 26, 2009

Wow! I haven't read a lot of your work yet, but your style is so ... fascinating!
I read a lot of classic books and the way you write is so much like them - the way of writing, I feel, that has been fading away.
It fascinates me and I'll surely keep reading.
You've made my night, thank you!!!!!
Anyway, if you comment my own piece of art, I'll be very happy, and don't relate to my grammar mistakes, English is a second language of me, and I've already given it to my teacher to check it but it'll take some time.
Thank you and good day/ night!

xxx Saturday, April 25, 2009

well, for starters, I have this on-going anathema for "old people." but besides that, I just felt like they tend have a false sense of accomplishment. as if they single-handedly carried the world on their shoulders for all these years, when in reality they were no greater than we, gen x-z'ers, are today. they sort of hang it over our heads the same way one would tease a dog with people food.

as far as personal experience, i've been held back in my career path in various jobs because i was "too young" and couldn't possibly do the things that an "adult of age" could do, when, in fact i was completely and legally able.

i think my point was that security, no matter the validity or capacity, eventually leads to complacency, then isolation, and ignorance. I feel that young people aren't given the light of day solely for the fact that they "can't possibly"... whatever. I chose to write this now, because of the whole economic climate. It really highlights the fact that, to steal a line from 300, "even gods can bleed." they preached to us responsibility and prudence until their dirty laundry was aired and we see this?

i'll cut it off here before this rant turns into a rave. I hope that actually answered some of your questions. it's kinda late and im slightly deleterious and i know i sound crazy. thanks for the read paul.

paul schoaff Friday, April 24, 2009

AS I say in the wrath of God intro, I don't want ratings. Comments, si, ratings, no.

x Friday, April 24, 2009

So far I think this is really interesting, a wonderful beginning that makes me want to see the end (which is the goal, right?). I think nearby is one word, but other than that I see no mistakes. I'm not going to downrate you... The cup of wrath commeth upon th man who hath distorted ratings.

paul schoaff Friday, April 24, 2009

In response to Samantha, and after consulting my own judgment, I have removed the pretentious preface to the prologue. I think she is right, that it is better to jump right into the church-camp suicide.

xxxx Thursday, April 23, 2009

Awesome prologue. The first few lines were a little weak but that was compensated for by the rest of the piece which was really captivating.

Your descriptions are impeccable, and the hook at the end of the chapter is well placed. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and if you ever publish I would definately buy this book. When I get some more time I'll read the rest of the chapters.

Would you please read mine?
"Deeper Meanings"
Ironically its about four sisters as well.

paul schoaff Tuesday, April 21, 2009

On a personal note, I'm now reading a novel called Crow's Road by a very highly rated Scot. His prose is funny, provocative, beautiful, evocative. But I am well over the mid point of the book and have not found a single thing that might be a plot or a conflict.

He jumps around in time and from one narrator to another, all in the first person. There are certainly secrets and difficulties, but, again, I don't feel any suspense or sense that anything important is really happening to any of the characters. They are really good at coupling, though, particularly with folks they aren't married to.

Far better readers than I have rated this guy one of the best. Why am I having so much trouble finding something in the book to sink my hooks into?


 

xxx Sunday, April 19, 2009

Glad your doing so well with your five stars. I've added mine to the many others


xxxxxxxxx Sunday, April 19, 2009

well you answered to K, but i was also wondering how that whole rating vs reader thing was possible... would never have figured that out on my own...
after a bit of though i realize that where my book is doesnt matter- other people will come along soon enough who rate justly and wherever it belongs is wherre it will fall.. why get upset over things that i have no control over.. i took a different approach than most of the other authors though. if i have a complaint with someone i always take it up with them. i posted a message to the down rater on tlwa and did my best to be polite... i dont know if it'll do much, but it was worht a shot at changing his or her mind on downrating a bunch of books...

xxxxxx Saturday, April 18, 2009

a job well done Mr. Schoaff; your writing is superb.

xxxxxx Friday, March 27, 2009

all chapters of my "newest" are and will be open for you to read. i've never been one to post super private stuff on the web- all of that goes in a hidden journal anyway. so yeah, just wanted to let you know that :)

xxxx Friday, March 27, 2009

I enjoyed the beginning of your story, although I do have to say there are an awful lot of chapters! But I thought I'd start at the beginning :)
I also wanted to say I enjoyed reading your poetry; it was, as you stated in the description, easy to understand and I found your poems enjoyable to read. Thanks for posting this :)


xxxx Friday, March 20, 2009

thanks for the read,

xxxxx Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hi Paul. I'm just doin' away as they say. I'm a little stuck with the finale of my book if I'm honest. The adventure faze has ended and I've done the city faze. now i'm at the big struggle and battle at the end and it's not flowing for me. When it's not flowing I lose interest. Wondering if I need to plan it out more clearly first. probabley true, but I think i also need something crazy thrown in to inspire me and keep my interest levels up!
Are you writig anything at the moment?

xxxxx Sunday, March 15, 2009

I see that you're a pretty insightful person

xxxx Friday, March 13, 2009

whether or not law permits brilliance, i listen seven days out of the week :) i'm sure you can take the ideas you have and mold them into a story of your own- was it you who mentionsed that you used to write sci-fi or fantasy books? if so, it'd be cool to see them. i have a wild imagination and am trying to tame it by putting energy into one where madness is completely acceptable. it helps make a better balance of realism in my other stories. and also, once again, the fantasy story is based off of a dream (however short). the only part of the story that cam e from the dream is the part where mary is being dragged through the woods by her wrist. i felt i had to do something with it :)

still gotta take a look online.. my computer is acting goofy today.

xxx Friday, March 13, 2009

thank you by the way for taking a look at the extensions and for your help!

xxx Friday, March 13, 2009

did a quick draft to make sure the idea was in the story asap, but didnt put much into makign sure it was "perfected". a rough draft will do for now cos i'm focuised on tlwa. i had a breakthrough last night when i laid down to sleep. i had the first chapter printed out and next to my head and was reading it in the lamplight when something hit me. if i would simply edit without being afraid of someone looking over my shoulder at the computer screen or editing in a public place where i'm leery of all bystanders, i might get a lot more done. so i tried it and its working well so far. i read up on active/passive as well, and was shocked that i had never heard of either. i also realized that doing a complete re-write of what i already have down might do some good even if i think the sentence is alright. i can take the best of each and combine them.

i keep getting ideas for awod.. like today i was sitting in choir while the teacher was working with sopranos (i'm an alto) and i got this idea and let out a gasp of excitement cos i was so thrilled about it... i was instantly targeted with several pair of eyes and quietly sunk down in my chair while i grabbed my purse and jotted it down in a note pad :) spring break is coming in a few weeks and i'll be sure to pick up then. i'm possibly going to visit my sis and visit her creative writing class (the college one i told you about) so maybe i'll sit in on some good lectures or be able to converse with some more educated individuals :) i'm excited.... sis says i'm free to wander the city at will too- i always get good ideas when i go for walks.

i almost thought about withdrawing this for fear of that, but i wasn’t sure cos i love sharing with people and got real excited about this one )and still am). there are several I’ve considered removing for now to go and do edits etc. but I’ve never had the heart to just take it off. i know stories don’t have feelings, but I’ve been like that since i was a little tiny girl- i could never pick one teddy bear to snuggle with for fear the others would get hurt feelings and feel unloved. silly but true.
lol, I’ll do an Amazon search for it and see how much it is so i can save up :) i don’t have many books... I just realized that.

x Tuesday, March 10, 2009

i cannot express to you how amazingly helpful you are! so many tings have come to my realization since i've posted my last story. not just with that story either. its like a wave of something hit me and now i see flaws everywherw with everything. thats not a bad thing either. i updated the first chapter of TLWA and am starting the editing process of everything all over. i've been tryign to push the issue with editing, but i realized that making myself tired of editing makes me skim and go fast, thus causing me to miss more errors. so i planted myself in i chair today (today was trimester break so i had a whole day to myself) and edited the first chapter for hours on end, takig breaks of course, but finding and improving so many things i had never seen before. i hope to get that chance with every chapter of every story some time. anyway, what i basically wanted to say was- "Thank you" :)

x Sunday, March 08, 2009

Thank you for commenting! I REALLY appreciate it. :)

x Friday, March 06, 2009

ah, that might explain it, thank you for the correction :)

x Thursday, March 05, 2009

wow, that was fast-
than you for that bit, just curious.
i tried to access the site but it could not be found :(

x Thursday, March 05, 2009

You know, its funny how writing is such a universal thing and that we can all make a connection with each other through written words.

i'm so glad that my content is sufficient . The ones who suggested that were both adult males i believe- it made me feel a bit uneasy, but now that someone of the same gender and age group has said otherwise I feel much better about it. That is precisely the outlook i have of it in this story- to show just how it can affect the life of someone and how destructive it can be to someone. There are points I’m trying to prove .

well, i tried a site called writingdotcom, but it seemed like a wasteland of inactive uers, so i pulled my stuff of there . i'm now trying a site called booksiedotcom, and it is also proving to be a dry source so far . i have gotten a few people inviting me to read their work, but no one has stopped to read mine yet . i guess i'll have to reach out to them :)
wow, thank you! do you know what region he is from- western washington, eastern washington? i dont know why that matters really, but i do find that the western washingtonians tend to have more high-class tastes and tend to be better educated, thus more critical etc. thak you for the advice ... maybe i'll pay him an e-visit sometime :)

x Thursday, March 05, 2009

true, very true. i know i might spend s lot less time reading if not for the hope of gettign feeback. its not that i dont thinkit worth my time to help otheres, i just know that valuable time is best spent making progress. i joined a site called booksie yesterday night and am looking forward to seeing where my story goes there (TLWA). i hate to sound stuck up, but some of the writing on there makes me feel pretty good abotu my own.. i dont know if thats what i need to make myself better, but i suppose if i'm feelign down about my writing it would help pick me up to go somewhere where a great majority of the wtiters are teens like myself and have abotu the same skill level.
i try and be open to people. it helps me not only to improve, but to accept the fact that not everyone will like what i have. i remember the first time i got some feedback from an adult (who i honestly felt might have been a little rude, but wasnt sure.. you know when you read a comment and can hear the voice in it and it doent exactly sound nice because of the way its phrased or worded?) anyway, i was just about in tears cos i thought they hated it and i felt really bad. thank goodness for learning and maturing.

well you cannot deny that you do no a considerable amount more than many of the writers here- lots of teens. they see it as arrogance because some of them dont have respect for others or their elders and dont realize the fact that you're giving them critique to help, not to scorn. many are here just to try and get praise and have their closest frineds come on the site and give them five stars just because they can- i think that is unjust because many of the friends are pressured into five star ratings even if they dont really like the work. also, i feel that many of the friends are ill- experianeced and wouldnt know a good book if it came up and throbbed them in the posterior. :)
Sainte- not so- i just tend to be more accepting of everything and everyone cos i'm a real people person. behind the computer screen i can be a little less "sainte like"- i always type out a response after giving things some thought. if you were to be sitting next to me when i read some things i didnt want to hear, you might not be so convinced. hehe. sometimes i get quite frusterated. i will admit that the comment that made me the most irritated when i read it (besides one i got from a reader who was irritated at me cos i gave criticism to another writer and he didnt like it) any way, it was the first one i ever got from you- it was on AWOD and you were a bit miffed about the whole "half living" idea...i was a bit aggravated, but i look back on it and laugh now considering that we converse civily on a regular basis.:)

if i ever manage to have time to breathe, talkign with an author would be a splendid ting.. though that particular author i believe was a self published one on lulu... i dont know for sure. i'll try an dsee what i can do- it'll be a good thing for my future :)
they have a local writers group that i plan to join once i can drive. its for citizens of all ages so i gues that includes me.

i agree- sometimes i feel like i get too much-"oh, this was good, check out mine now". i want to hear criticism (in moderation so as not to damage me for life, but still, something would be good). i've had people tell me that i need to add way more sexual content and get more descriptive- i want to get the point acrosss but i dont want to make this X rated. if my own family couldnt read it, i wouldnt write it. i'm actually thinking that what i have might be too much for my mom to handle, but i think thats mostly cos she would be shocked to think that her daughter (who was only thirteen at the time) dreampt something like the first chapter. i suppose that makes it more justifiable to write it, however, it all comes back to what is acceptable in her eyes. i also refuse to get more graphic cos i know nothing on the subject. i thik i read a book by carl hiassen... maybe i just recongize the name? i'll take a look at those authors when i get the chance.:)

x Wednesday, March 04, 2009

alright, so when i read about 'blue' i was litterally laughing out loud. leave it to the naive to think you meant sad, eh? guess I better be careful how i use the word blue from now on.
I've never read moby dick but I heard it was dreadfully boring.

I do, thankfully, realize the difference. enjoyable is just as it stands; enjoyable- that doesnt mean much in the way of correct content and such things that arent really noticed by the "untrained eye" as they call it.

you bring up a very good point in the way of reminding me what this site is for. sometimes i forget that its not a site for "finished products" or stories with the plots completely developed. sometimes i need to remember that if i have the first chapter of something and nothing else, that that is just fine to post- it will help me get a sense of how i'm doing to start with inystead of posting 13 chapters or more and then finding out that i've goofed on somethign big. i spend lots of time polishing... probably abotu 50 percent or so.. maybe i'm on the right track here after all?

good point... i never hear of people my age being bestsellers- part of me wants to say that that is because no one will take a young teen seriously, however, i know that isnt the only reason- we are all ametures.

you know, i'm beginning to think that maybe studying on the subject of writing would help istead of just doing what comes natural. but of course it goes back to that "laura mindset" where i cannot go against what nature has given me by seekign out greater things.. whatever comes to me comes to me... i really gotta do somethign abotu that.

you always ask "What do i know?"
and i suppose i should answer you one of these days. or today perhaps, because i have an answer-
"More than i do."
i truly appriciate the help and guidance you provide :)

i have actually spoken with a published author before. of course, i simply asked basic and minimal queastions like how long did it take her to finish her novels and was it expensive to do so... i didnt have much time cos it was at a local bazaar and i had to get back to my station [i was selling jewelry :)] and i didnt tell her i enjoyed writing or anytign so to her i suppose i was just the jewelry girl lookign for polite conversation. shes a local so maybe i'll see her again this year... then again i do have her bussiness card...something to think about.. maybe if i can get in touch with her i can interview her and get her opinion on some of my work?
its funny how you remind me of the simplest of things that could make the bigest of differences....

x Tuesday, March 03, 2009

i've been noticing that i start to get picky with the writing of others quite a bit. even moreso on this site because there are lots of books which lack things (mine included naturally). every time i read the first chapter of tlwa i find something i have to change- i can never just be happy with it... i suppose that foes to the "an artist is never satisfied with his work" quote we so often hear about. i look back on my old writing quite often, and am glad that i used to read a lot and have developed a better sense of what good writing is. i look back and cringe quite a bit, even iwth some of my more recent works. had i the time to work on it without stopping, i'd edit things like crazy and some of my chapters might be vastly imporved. i think istead of tryign to cram in several chapters of editign a day, i will do one a day at most.. i think if i pace myself i will be more patient and thurough with my edits and the product will be better off. i'm sure many people would have, (and still would) told/tell me to give up... i think it helps that most of my readers are close to my age or dont know any better. if i shoved my writing into an all adult public however, things cerytainly would not be that way.anyway, off to work on a spanish project. hopefully wth the three day weekend and the end of the trimester impending, i can get a chance to breathe a bit and do some real "Hard-core" editing.

x Tuesday, March 03, 2009

so i was referring to the 19th century writings mostly (i dont know if theres much difference between 19th and 20th) such as Jane Eyre. it's not a difficult read unless your being forced to cram several chapters in a night (each chapter casn take a half hour or more in my experience). and being expected to have a comprehensivr quiz the next day. onlyu then does it get really tough.

i've read a bit of stienbeck and some jack london. both were in years past when i didnt think to look for writing devices and how things were plotted and used.. lets just say that was back in the days where i could read a book with a normal mindset abotu it and not have to wtrite down every word i saw and liked :)

hey, blue is my thing in this hobby right now... ... i actually have yet to find a depreseeing book to read... maybe thats why i'm making one- because i cant find one. thak you for the suggestions- i'll see what i can find in the school library :)

x Monday, March 02, 2009

as i get more in to writing, i find myself being more and more critical and judgemental of others' work... is that a good thing?

x Monday, March 02, 2009

Indeed it is.. i've already put it into use on some of my chapters. when reading other books, i did not realize that they lacked some of those adverbs- i just never noticed. i have a difficult time finding good books to read.. or finding time to read them for that matter. all the books in the library are dopey, sappy teen books all about the trials of highschool and vampires.. at least thats what i read on the back covers. if i dont like the sound of the description i wont pay it much attention... either that or they're old books that are ancient as time and tedious to read. i'm either biting off more that i can chew, or biting into jello when i'm going for steak... i hope that makes sense. know of any books that would prove as a great examplory piece for a young ameture? i've asked the same question of peers, and i always get the same old thing- Twilight and other "popular books". i've never read Twilight- i hear its poorly written and only such a big deal because it has a good plot, and thats not something i care to explore considering i cannot stand books of the kind anyway. i've also heard of this book called "Just listen" by Sarah Dessen. i checked it out from the library and find it to be just anpther popular book- not written incredibly well and a bit prattiling.. then again, who am i to judge- Sarah Dessen is published and i am not.

x Sunday, March 01, 2009

very good, had to read it twice. Definitely was not expecting that to happen. love how you handled the whole thing, nice job of really establishing the narrator's unique voice and frankness.

x Sunday, March 01, 2009

okay, so here's the reply for you :)-
true, its not too fair of me to ask you to give me reasonings and details when you dont know some of the key details. i keep overlooking that fact.

well thats presicely what i was going for! you hit it right on! in fact you've discovered my plot for the entire portion of sophias "quest" for answers. Teddy does try to explain things away and she seeks other charcters for help finding out if this is true or not (that requires that she leaves home against her fathers wishes). i cannot tell you the exact outcome of her journey cos that would ruin some parts of tlwa, however, this story does have a happy ending and i think you'll appriciate that trait of the story :) i havent written that part so i guess i'll have to brush up on my happy ending skills... been writing so many melancholy and depressing things that i dont know how i'll do with the opposite. she discovers the truth and things improve for both her and her family despite her grandmothers deteriorating memory and her father's broken heart.

thank you for your help despite the fact that i've told you meager amounts of the important details :)

x Sunday, March 01, 2009

oops, sorry abotu that last post- that was a reply to someone else that i managed to give you. guess thats what happens when you have multiple windows open at once. that was meant for Sarinom... you should check out his/her book, it hasnt had many readers or comments yet.

x Sunday, March 01, 2009

ah, i had almost forgotten that you mentioned that. i'll be sure to read the 'dead twin' when i get the chance. hope you get more readers soon- the flow of readers has been quite slow compared to how it was before new years and Christmas. hopefully it will pick back up.

x Saturday, February 28, 2009

alrighty, so it took me a bit to take in that last set of messages...

i hardly ever see books where there is great detailign and focus on the relationship between grandparent and grandchild. since Tori is not around to mother Sophia, and Teddy is hardly in the best state of mind to be a father, sophia, in essence, gets most of her special attention and influencing from Carl and Maxine. Teddy of cousre will come back to life after a while, but as one can imagine, looking on the face of a child who grows to look a considerable amoutn like her momma can be a hard reminder of his losses.

I often forget that each relationship is different and that not all grandparents act in the same way toward their grandchildren as my grandparents act toward me. not all relationships are secure and pleasant.

as for the daughter-in-law relationship, that is one i have yet to really get a feel for, as i havent written much in the way of interactive behaivior between Tori, Carl, and Maxine. i suppose i'll just base it off of what i see around me- the duaghter in law is basically given a second family... when she marries Teddy she, in essense, marries his relatives as well. i'm actually considering having Teddy never tell Sophia abotu Toria, but she will find out on her own somehow.

i have an idea but not sure if its a good one yet- tlwa is Tori's diary,and as mentioned int he book, she has the hopes of being a writer as her occupation. Myu thoughts are that maybe she will end up gettign her diary published and somehow Sophia gets her hands on a copy of it... thats idea one.
idea two was that while rummageing through her fathers things she finds the origional drafts and takes it upon herself to explore them.
please feel free to let me know what you think of wither of these ideas- so far i'm leaning toward idea #2...

goodness, i'm tellign you- you have the makigs for another story here- that 100 year old secret could be used to your advantage (unless of course that isnt something you or your family want to have out in the open). a very enthralling story i must say.. if published i would buy it for sure.

X Monday, February 23, 2009

gosh, that sounds a heck of a lot like me! i guess sometimes when reading, people dont realize that many of the characters are just like them. if i were to compare you with any of my characters, from what little i know of you, i'd say you're most like Teddy's father Carl. i havent mentioned him much yet, but he's the type of father that teaches and has great understandinding for his son because he was once his age. he doesnt sugar coat things unless its truly needed, and he's full of wisdom. he will be a more prominant character in the second story, adn he'll be somewhat prominant in some of the later chapters of TLWA, so that will show through just a bit later.
speaking of the second story-
i wont be adding any more chapters to it until i'm finished with the first cos' i dont want to give too much away (and i havent written much more anyway). but before i do write them i need some help. i know what its like to be a single girl, and kow vaguely what its like to be in a relationship. i also vaguely know how to write from the points of view of a father and mother- however, i really dont know much abotu writing from the pov of a grandparent. any chance you could help me out with that? how would he act toward Sophia? how would he relate to her? would he keep secrets from her if he thought it was for her own good or if Teddy didnt want her to know someting- well, roughly, what are your thoughts?

i know grandparents tend to adore their grandkids, but how is it to have to step aside and let your child be a parent? i've heard my grandparents jokie abotu wishing they had had the grandkids first and then the parents, so i know there's a great amount of affection, but does it get in the way of the wishes of the parent?

i think that's a great idea- i'll mention it to her :)

X Monday, February 23, 2009

i do go into defense mode quite easily.
thats a smart idea, i'll have to do that.. good grief i'll be twenty six then;that doesnt sound possible!

i guess my thing is that i see so many of my peers changing themselves to fit in adn unhappy with their lives. i like to let things alone and just be who i am- and that excludes quite a bit of things people my age tend to do. sometimes i get frustrated, but i know it will all be worth it in the end to just let things be they way they were meant to.
thank you for your support- sometimes it gets a little discouraging to look around me and see that few of my peers understand my reasoning behind things.

you know a lot more than you might think... though many miles seperate you and my parents, as an adult yourself i'm sure there are things both they and you can relate on- like the parental instinct of knowing that your sixteen year old daughter is up to someting even though she thinks she's so secretive and sly.

xx Monday, February 23, 2009

Thank you (: And I wouldn't do any drastic changes to my book. It would just ruin it. I hate when I read books and the author changes something that is very important to the plot.

All that would be such a good idea for a book except for the fact that i've only lived here for 4 months. I'm from the US but all my family is from Argentina and we've just recentyl moved here because of my dad's company.
I wouldn't even know how to answer half of those questions.
And if I had lived here my whole life, my english would not be what it is today.

X Sunday, February 22, 2009

i'm working on chapter 28 by the way... somehow i've been it with ideas left and right lately, which is odd for me. usually i spend lots of time thinking before i figure out exactly what comes next and am surprised that i have pumped out almost three chapters in the last week.... i have a feelgin my energy will be slowed soon though, cos finals and the start of a new trimester are coming up... you're luck you arent in high school anymore, that gives you more time for your hobbies..

X Sunday, February 22, 2009

...okay so continuing....
there are so many things i know i will refrain from doing in life....

once i can drive, i plan to visit Sumner, Wasington which is abotu two hours away. maybe over a break or someting... i want to stay for a week and soak up as much of the place as i can. i might head over to rochester some time once i'm out of the house and my parents have little say over what i do. it would be nice to actually see the place i'm envisioning. from there i'll head up into ontario and visit Nakina, then Krenora and 'lake of the woods' (where AWod takes place). then i might mosey over to stratton maine... i dont know.. maybe some day :)
i'd love to write about places i know.. but if i did, everythign would take place in Yakima and frankly, that'd be borring for both me and the readers. you wrote abotu illinois cos' you know it well, and that works for your story because its real life stuff that you've experienced. but since i have four stories (that arent poetry) i have to spread out into the unknown quite a bit... i cant seem to get much information on the Canadain cities i'm looking for though. despite nuemerous searches and looign in text books, no one seems to car abotu places like Nakina and Kenora... it makes me wonder why. anyway, off to do more research...

X Sunday, February 22, 2009

i do realize that.. quite well in fact. there are many things i dont do because i chose not to do, not because my parents make it mandatory. half of my shelterign comes from myself...i guess its my way of protecting myself against falling in to traps that i see other people falling into. i have no intentions of going wild... i've already seen one of my older sisters do that and i'm learning mistakes from the people around me. do i appear a stereo type- probably; but ive built up a mindset to help me not become stereotypical in reality. i try an dmake the most vast comparison with myself and those around me as possible. for instance, while some of me peers are shooting drugs and popping pills, i have never taken anything stronger than pepto bismol when i have a stomach ache. i've never swallowed a pill whole and neddles scare the heck out of me, aside from the fact that i want to be in complete control of myself and dont want substances controlling my actions. i guess the only thing i really and truly want that i dont have is the freedom to go to new places. i go for an hour walk just abotu every day (if the weather permits) and i never get over the thrill of seeing a neighbor hood in which i do not live and heading for a destination i'm unsure of. its the only place i can really have some alone time (being in a large family, that doesnt come easy). of course theres the tie of a cell phone in cas mom wants me home early or in case something happens. thoguh its smart for safety purposes, it also makes me feel like a dog on a leash who isnt trusted to go too. thats the most i ever really get out... will finish this reply in a moment or two... dad needs to get on the web.

X Saturday, February 21, 2009

well, i lightened the picture so its not so 'black' looking.:)

gosh, i didnt know any of that... i mean, i knew rochester wasnt exactly like new york but i didnt realize how very different it was. i mean, i did a bit of research too, but did not come up wiht answers like that... thank you kindly for the information, i know for certain that many of those things will come in handy for later!

as to your question- Yakima only has a small community college and i felt the college,and the town itself just werent quite big enough a settign for such a dramatic event. i wanted to find a larger area where violence and accidents were more common or at least more probable. yakima is one of the highest rated cities for auto theft i believe, and for growing apples, but other than that its a rather small city and i dont hear abotu much trouble on the 'west side'. all the big things happen on the east side, at least larger and more in frequency than on the west side. though later chapters int he story take place in Washington and i will say that yakima itself is metionwd as the characters are traveling. i suppose its my duty as a Yakimanian to at least mention it in the story :)

as for my knowledge of other places-
we used to travel a bit (my dad drag raced and was quite talented in it. he still is but had to sell his Nova so we could get a new house once my grandmother started losing her memory and had to move in with us. nine people in a 2 bed 2 bath home just wasnt gonna work for much longer) and we traveled to oregon and just across the border of canada. i dont know many places well at all except for yakima; i never go anywhere, which is probabl;y why i have lots of time to write i the first place. every day its wake, school, home, bed and repeat the next day. on saturday, i usually end up staying home. on sunday its wake, church, home, whatever, sleep. i suppose i chose somewhere besides yakima because i'm always here- i'd like to taqke a trip somewhere else for a change, even if its just in the imagination.
i dont read as much as i used to. between more homework and this hobby that has seemed to become an obsession nowadays, theres simply no time unless it's assigned. i'm currently reading Jane eyre, which is where i realized that in first person writing, actually adressing the reader helps them feel like your actually talking with them instead of just reading a book.
now, this is my outlook, strange and probably incorrect as it is-
using other peoples works to enhance my own is wrong. if the thought was meant to come to me, it would do it on its own. whatever comes to me naturally is what was meant to come to me.-

now i know this is the wierdest outlook and can be contradicted easily, but at present this is my outlook on many things, not just writing. i wont wear makeup or use products other than basic shampoo and conditioner on my hair. i wont (usually) eat things that arent at least somewhat natural, and i abstain from doing many things that normal people my age do... i wonder, if i cast this outlook aside, how it would change my writing?

i fully intend, once i can drive, to travel to many places and try to gain knowledge of them. right now i'd say the only ting hindering me is my age. it drives me crazy on a daily basis, and things like traveling are out of the question no matter how much i desire to do them. i never get to go out with friends for a movie (in fact i've only been to the movies once in my life, abotu three years ago, and that was with my cousins. my parents begrudgingly let me go even though i oculd tell they didnt want me to). i never get to go anywhere, and there are so many freedoms i desire but do not have. i often feel trapped.

i guess writing is my travel, my venturings with friends(tlwa), my meeting nice young men (awod & tlwa), my walking on the dangerous side(tlwa), my having the freedoms i want (ltp), my living out dreams(awod), and my rebelling agaist my parents(ltp).
naturally all of these things are thought of in moderation adn only dramatized for writing purposes, but i guess i didnt realize until i started talking abotu it, just how much of me is in my writing.
alright, so i've gotten a bit off topic, but a guess its my job as a girl to get all dramatic and my job as a writer to pour out my soul through keyboard keys.
anyway, thank you so much for your advice- i cant express how much i appriciate it, and i will be sure to use it to its full advantage.
thats a great last analogy by the way.. cooking is another one of my hobbies (though i dont do it as much) adn so i can relate to it well :)
maybe once i'm not being hindered, i can grow in my hobbies.

X Saturday, February 21, 2009


Thank you for looking at my new chapter, i was afraid it might be a little dull with the lack of dialouge, and was a bit concerned when i realized that by the end of the chapter she had done nothing but make purchases and spend money on things. she didnt really take any verbal or other kinds of action to build herself up into something stronger. she'll be doing that throughout the following chapters, but i personally think chapter 27 lacks a little life... is it just me?

yes, the story takes place in roshester NY. i've never been to any of the places in my story (though google maps has helped somewhat :) ) so i have minimal knowledge of their customs etc. i often overlook the fact that rochester and nyc arent gonna be exactly alike... but i suppose maybe Elizabeths comment could add to the airy, "dumb blonde" character i try to make her have... i'm currently editing chapter 27 cos i realized i did nothing in the way of editing before i put it on the site.. it completely slipped my mind, so i suppose i could alter her statement to beter fit the nature of the city :)
Wow, you seem to know quite a bit about this place; have you been there before? wish i could go, but its way on the ohter end of the country dontcha know...thoug i do hope to visit all the places in my stories someday to see how acurate i was when imagining their locations and appearances etc.
hmmm, a lilac festival, and a waterfall?!.. i could certaily use that knowledge to my advantage.maybe i'll be doing more google searching tonight :)

as for the cover art on LTP, i wanted to do a black and white picture like they might have had around that era... but you're right, maybe its a little too dark, adn i suppose it could stand to be lightened up a bit.i did want to try and mask the fact that it has the same face as the covers of TLWa and AWOD. i know if i knew how to use something more high tech than a digital camera and microsoft picture manager that would help, and if i had someone else who was okay with having a small picture of their face viewable to the public, that might help too. in my story, Winnie was supposed to have light hair and green eyes.. both of which i do not own. my sister does, but i cant ask her cos then she'd know about my writing fettish. shes in college and taking a creative writing class(which i might get to sit in on cos i'm going the 400 or so miles over to Pullman to see her over my spring break) so i know she'd enjoy reading them, but it'd be too wierd and she'd probly never be able to look at me the same after reading my stuff... its not something anyone who knows me would expect from me.

X Friday, February 20, 2009

thank you Sir, i try to find the most fitting picture for each.. thoguh sometimes that is easier said than done.
i actually thought a long time abotu what should happen to Tori, and so far thats the ending i've come up with- though that is subject to change at any moment :) have you written anything new lately? i'm workign on chapter 27 at present and hope to have it up soon... just depends on how things go cos its finals week at school...
i almost did make Tori a murderess by the way :) that still might happent but not with that particular assailant...

x Thursday, February 19, 2009

sorry for such a late response.
Things have been quite hectic in my life lately.

But to answer your questions,
I do say what year it is, it is mentioned in chapter 2. The year is 1919.

She's on a sailing vessel. Steamships don't really have wooden masts. They were on the sailing ship because, like it says in the first chapter, her uncle had built it.
Her family didn't really have much money so she was able to get a free ride across the atlantic because her uncle had built the ship.

I didn't really think that they were important details in the story. I hint at a few things, like the wooden masts and the telegram which shows that the story is set a while back from now. But they aren't really very important to the story itself.

And I will get back to your book later.
Right now i'm in the middle of moving. I recently moved to another country and we're about to move again and school is about to start in a few days so as soon as everything calms down again, i'll take a look at your book (:

Thanks for your feeback by the way. It was really appreciated

X Monday, February 16, 2009

Wow, thanks for taking the time to look at all my neww stuff, i was surprised and thrilled to see someone had actually looked at all three :)

i dont know what exactly is gonna happen with the victorian one yet, but it was in my head so i had to get it out and share to see what people thoguht... twenty chapters might take a while. i've been working on tlwa for over a year and it only has the first twenty six in row completed (though i do have later ones done).

i'm hoping people will read tlwa to try and figure out how it cam to the start of the second one, but i know i've already confused one young lady, so i'm a little unsure abtou keeping it one there.

i dont know why i write on gloomy subjects... i've been accused of being too happy in daily life sometimes so it stikes me odd that i should even think abotu the unhappy side of life.
i thik you'll be pleased to know that i'm trying hard to write on happy subjects, or at least neutral ones that dont make me seem like i'm depressed all the time. sounds funny but i might be posting antoher book of poetry soon. it wont be tied to any story this time it will just be poetry that stands alone. some of them are pretty simple, but i want to try and appeal to basic life... i dont know if that makes any sense..
again, tank you sir for takeing time out of yuor day to read them :)

X Saturday, February 14, 2009

i must agree that the dinner scene is a bit more accurate with male behavior than the scene with Eli (now that i have a better understanding for their behavior concerning relationships).

X Saturday, February 14, 2009

I haven’t read any novels on that subject either, unless you count Romeo and Juliet which is more of a play to me. I’m currently in the middle of Jane Eyre which is a romance novel, but I can’t say I’ve read one till I’ve completed it :)

girls talk about guys all the time... one walks by, and if he's the least bit handsome looking, they'll turn and look at each other with their eyebrows raised slightly, and titter like squeaky little mice... I’ve spent too much time in high school, and still have two more years to go, but it’s always the same story :) if he's really cute, one might make a remark. As for serious relationships, girls share a little when asked, and share a whole lot more when they aren’t asked :) I have a friend who always speaks of how happy her boyfriend makes her and she gets this goofy smile on her face every time she thinks or talks about him. True, if I make him think those things, I can still have those points in there, but make it a bit more realistic and more the way a guy would behave instead of the way a girl trying to write from the perspective of a guy would behave. You’ve made a great point- I’ll be sure to apply it to ch 26 and those that should follow :)
Well, funny thing is that we just finished reading Romeo and Juliet in honors English. As I sit here with book in hand, I see that at first when Romeo has a serious fetish with Rosaline, he is open with his cousin Benvolio about his affection, but said not a word to his parents that I read- at least that’s the message I got from the second half of scene one in act one… I found the love of him and Juliet a bit hasty personally. Though the book is a well respected classic, I find some aspects of it to be a bit farfetched… then again, who am I to judge what sorts of things should have taken place hundreds of years ago?

i am updating the fiorst three chapters of tlwa tonight, and should be updating more in the next day or two. mostly what is chanfing is the errors in punctuation when it comes to dialouge, but there are little details here and there that will be alterd... if you feel like checking any of my alterations out feel free :)

X Friday, February 13, 2009

Thank you! I’m trying hard to make Teddy seem a realistic guy, but trying hard not to make him too ‘perfect’ or ‘dreamy’ as many books sometimes do to their male characters. Yes he’s nice, but he does, and will, have his faults.

I’ll work on that part- since Eli is much closer to Teddy’s age and has known him since childhood, I assumed that making him more open and honest with a fellow ‘guy’ his age would make sense. but you’re right in the sense that he wouldn’t hold back so much from his parents- I haven’t really mentioned it yet, but he and his parents have been through some things together an dare quite close in most areas. He should only hold back the part about things that they might not necessarily approve of, but at least tell them more about who she is and what she’s like. I had forgotten that I was going to have his mother ask a thing or two more before she went right to the kissing question, so I’ll be sure to add a bit more with his parents to help not make it seem to such extremes with Eli and so miniscule with his M&D.

Would more ‘guy-like’ behavior have him open and honest with both, or very minimal with both??

It’s obviously easier for me to see things from Tori’s perspective- I don’t really have to think twice

 

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