I'm OK, You're Not; A Journey in personal Discovery
Author: James Tippett

Chapter 12
Choose or lose

Chapter Twelve – Choose or Lose, it’s your choice


   By this time in the book you should have a very solid grasp of who, what and where you are. While the primary premise of this book is that you are OK just the way you are, through your journey of discovery, you may have found some things that define you that are influenced by others. This chapter is dedicated to focusing you on the fine tuning that truly gets you in touch with who you are. It also provides some guidance to change things, defined by you, to move closer to your true self, instead of a mold cast by others. I should note it is the longest chapter and some of the content is only found in the E-Book on disc four. So take your time, stop often, take a look at the book and make sure you have your journal close.

   We all know someone who is better off than us but we also know someone who is worse off than us, depending on the particular “thing” or trait you are talking about. Some may have more money, some may appear more outwardly attractive, some may have an excellent family, or some may be struggling to care for an afflicted elder, a handicapped or seriously ill child, a disease of their own, or have been recently laid off from their job or lost tons in the stock market. You see, the perception of better-offedness is a narrow view, normally focused on one element of your total self, and always influenced to some degree by what you think others in your society will, or are expected to think.


    To make a determination as to what you may like to enhance about yourself or your situation, you need to be clear on the underlying motivation for the envisioned change. Is it you or someone else who is motivating the change? The goal is to make sure it is you.

   Want more money? Want a different job or career? Want to move to a new State? How much are you willing to sacrifice for it? Why and what impacts will these changes have on other aspects of, and people in, your life?

   Many questions here, but they are ones you need to ask, and answer. Many times our quest to change or enhance, create wakes. We all know that and some of those around us may indeed need to be capsized. You just need to be clear on the impact that change and enhancement will have on other aspects of your life, especially if you are trying to modify a long term situation. Always remember that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.    

   One view of the power and ability you have to change your life is explored in the books The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne1, and Ask and it is Given, by Ester and Jerry Hicks2. For those who are not familiar with these works, the key concept is the power of conscious thought and visualization mixed in with a dose of subconscious neural contemplation to manifest all the wonderful things you think you want in your life. Beware however, that you may have to forfeit something else or experience other undesirable effects. A couple of examples will illustrate this.


    You ask the universe for more money, in part to pay off your debts, you envision the money, you feel it and finally you receive this money. Yet with the new found money other ideas emerge. You elect instead to buy a new barbeque grill, go on that vacation you have dreamed about or update your wardrobe. Perhaps more pressing needs appear, the furnace or water heater die, the car needs a transmission, or a loved one becomes seriously ill. The credit card debt remains and you are not quite as happy as you were the moment you received the money.

   You may either want or need a new job or wish to open your own company venture. Again, you visualize the opportunity and your role within it. You begin acting as if it is a reality, mind body and soul. There is no doubt that this will manifest itself, fantastic. Unfortunately you soon find that the hours are longer than anticipated, or the money not as great, or that the travel is taking a toll on your family life. You did indeed manifest your vision as well as some unanticipated dynamic, a dynamic that even if you had perceived, you may not have been able to change.

   This is discussed further in Chaos Theory3 through the Butterfly effect4, and yet more theory on our life journey is explored through the concept of Karma5. And let us not forget Angels6, who constantly provide guidance and encouragement. So these examples provide a tempering effect or at least a word of caution. There is balance in everything and that which is given can be taken away or squandered, and some things may be beyond our control. Bottom line, a book can only give you ideas, the "secret" is in you, not a book. And everyone’s secret is different dependent on their personal, unique set of circumstances.


   You will need to leverage your existing skills, level of drive and self-discipline if you choose to change anything, and identify whomever that transition may involve. You must remain realistic, open to setbacks and roll with unanticipated developments.

   What would you like to change? Look in the mirror; do you like what you see? Do you like whom you see? Or do you just see your mother or father? Look close.

    What don’t you like about your life? What do you like the most about your life? Who would you like to be more like? What qualities do they have that you like? What qualities do YOU have that you like?

   You are the only one that can answer these questions and you are the only one that can change, if you want to change anything at all. After this exercise especially the question, “what do I like about myself?” you may realize that everything is just fine and dandy and that’s fantastic. But if you do feel the need for improvement, keep reading (listening).

  Ask yourself what if anything do you choose to enhance about yourself, such as your attitude, your image, your group of friends, your involvement with politics, your financial situation or any of those pesky little quirks or addictions. Not meant as an all inclusive examination of human issues, but enough to kick start your own list. Record your thoughts on this in your journal. Let’s examine a few of the more common ones. (In the e-book I examine of few of the more common ones and I encourage you to read it.)



Your Weight:

   Sadly, based on a study from Thompson etal, in the American Journal of Health, (Estimated economic costs of obesity to U.S. business.1998;13:120-7) one thing you may not like about your view in the mirror is your weight, well you are not alone.

Obesity contributes significantly to medical costs in the United States. In 1998, 9.1% of total annual medical expenditures could be attributed to obesity.7.Between 1987 and 2001, 27% of the growth in inflation-adjusted per-capita healthcare spending was associated with obesity.8 The annual cost of obesity is estimated to range from $69 billion to $117 billion (including $61 billion for direct medical expenses and $56 billion for indirect expenses such as lost productivity [in year 2000 dollars]).9


We spend $300 million on weight loss drugs, $15 billion on health clubs, and $3.5 billion on medical “devices” and cosmetic surgery.  It is very clear to me that many of us do not like what we see in the mirror. No wonder when all the marketing and advertising you see is of beautiful fit young and tanned models.

   Hey folks, they do this for a living, they get paid big bucks to look like that. Think of all the clothes companies we would put out of business if everyone was a size 2, and all guys had a 32” waist. What would happen to all the beer companies? Frito Lay10 would be out of business over night. I am not saying not to exercise or take care of your self, but do not become obsessed with it. Remember, anything in moderation.


Contract with Myself,

I _____________________________ being of sound mind and body, do hereby decree that I am OK. I will no longer rely on others to make my decisions for me and I will always strive to stand my ground for my beliefs. My actions will be in line with those beliefs and I will not be influenced by the emotional or manipulative actions of others.

 I have given much thought to my current situation and those aspects that are the result of actions or influences that, while a result of my actions, are not in line with my inner beliefs.

Following deep consideration and reflection, I have agreed to undertake the following agreements or commandments to better support and build upon my natural well being.




4.  (use additional sheets if required, but keep it manageable. Baby steps)

 I will keep track of my progress in my journal every week and rate my progress as good, fair or poor.

  I also hereby decree that failure on my part to adhere to these agreements or commandments will result in one day without _____________(something that is your favorite thing to do, like having cookies and milk.)

**End Contract**



  The last paragraph is your default statement in effect is suing yourself for breach of contract. By denying yourself something that you like, you take the edge off the emotional fine that you are likely to lay on yourself. You are human, it’s OK, lighten up, especially on yourself, but never quit moving forward, closer to you.

   I can almost guarantee that this process will not be easy, if you are doing it right. Depending on where you are in your life, you will have a good amount of other people’s baggage to unload, and just like the devil in the Exorcist12, the ones who gave you the baggage will fight very hard to make you keep it. Be confident, be strong, and when you have a temporary crash re-read the following chapter. And never, never say…..




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