Original Poetry
Author: thebloodylily

Chapter 3
Diary of a Suicidal (Tell My Story)

Diary of a Suicidal (Tell My Story) 

 

These scars tell my story

These tears tell my story

The pain you see in my eyes

Tell My Story

 

“What scars do you mean?

Your arms are clean.”

 

Thanks, Sherlock,

I know my body and wrists are clean

But those aren’t the scars I’m talking about.

 

I’m talking about the pencil marks

And the dusty lines

That I used to press into my skin when upset

Or when I couldn’t handle anything that day.

 

I didn’t use a razor or knife

Because I didn’t want to be in an asylum

For all of my life.

I didn’t want to be on meds,

I didn’t want to be away from “freedom”,

I didn’t want to be alone.

 

Yet I still that way so often.

I can never escape it,

No matter what I do.

 

These tears I cry when it gets too tough,

When something goes wr0og and I can’t fix it;

Those are the times I look at the knife and think if I should.

 

The pain and loneliness runs deep,

Even when with people,

I hold dear to my heart,

I can never run away from it.

 

I’ve cried many tears over the years

And it was always caused by

The depression cloud that is never far from me,

The overly high anxiety that haunts me in my sleep,

The nightmares I have

And am scared to awake because they are too painful.

 

Suicidal thoughts are not easy to spot 

But the sadness and loneliness one goes through,

That should be easy to spot.

If you know how to that is.

 

No one sees the scars I hide,

No one sees the tears I cry,

The pain that haunted me

Everyday that I am awake.

 

My story will go on,

Even when I feel I shouldn’t.

I rather be the one in pain,

Then the people I love to go through it without me.

 

It’s easier if I go through it,

Alone

As I always am.

 

These scars I hide,

Tell the story of what I wish I did.

These tears I cry,

Tell the story of the pain I wish I didn’t feel anymore.

 

My skin may be flawless

But that doesn’t mean

I haven’t thought about doing it all my life.

 

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