Rouge Toons
Author: Bobby South

Chapter 21
Partyin' on Calpe Beach

BANG!

            Fireworks, party music and moonlight had taken over Calpe Beach. The Tiny Toons, Animaniacs and P.E.E.L.E.D. spies and staff were celebrating.

            Hamton, wearing white trousers and a colourful beach shirt, was heading over to the buffet, but he was pulled aside.

            “Don’t wait in the long queue,” said Mersei. “Now that you’re a senior agent, you can have some of my awesome food.” She put something from her plate onto his.

            “A cheeseburger, hmm,” said Hamton. “Thanks.”

            “Here, Hammy,” said Slimy. “A way of saying congratulations.” He put something from his plate onto Hamton.

            “Fruit and vegetables!” snapped Mersei. “Come on, Slimy! Is that the best you can do for a cool pig?”

            “Even cool pigs never forget to have our five a day,” said Hamton.

            Then the rest of her friends gather around her and offered Hamton lots of food. Then his plate was snatched by Rond.

            “Jane, what do you think you’re doing?” asked Mersei.

            “Giving him something better than all the food he could eat,” replied Rond.

            “What?” Hamton asked.

            He got his answer when Rond turned him around and pointed. Hamton saw Fifi La Fume wearing a sparkling green sleeveless dress sitting on the rock and crying her eyes out.

            “What’s wrong with Fifi?” asked Hamton.

            “No one seems to want to be with her tonight,” said Rond. “But someone can fix that.”

            “Who?” Then he choked after breath spray was fired into his mouth. “Me? But what if she – ”

            “Is asking the girl of your dreams out more risky than all the dangers we’ve faced the last few days?” asked Rond.

            Hamton couldn’t answer. Rond just laughed and gently pushed forward.

            Hamton gulped and made his way to Fifi.

            “Uh, Fifi?” he called.

            Oui?” said Fifi.

            “Is anyone with you tonight?” asked Hamton.

            Non,” sobbed Fifi. “No one has asked me.”
                 Hamton gulped and put a brave face on. “Well, I don’t know if you’d like to… spend the night… with me.”

            Fifi stopped crying, stood up but didn’t turn around to face him. Hamton gave up and turned around. Then something landed on his back. He turned around. It was Fifi! It was exactly like the time he asked her out to the junior prom at Acme Loo.

            She hugged him, tail included and kissed him. Then she stopped and jumped down. “I accept!” She felt her head.

            “What’s wrong, Fifi?” asked Hamton.

            “I just have this thought in my head and it is making me want to tell you something,” said Fifi, as she held his hands. “I am under this impression that you believe I just take advantage of you when I feel lonely or I get rejected by one of my boyfriends. But I do not. Every time I spend with you, I treasure them.”

            “And I treasure every time I spend with you,” said Hamton. “If I’m being honest, you do smell a bit and sometimes I do feel like we don’t spend enough time together, but you are the most beautiful, kindest and loveliest person I have ever met in my life. Being with you for a minute means more to me than all the food I can eat, all the money I can have and all the fans I can have. I love you the way you are and I don’t want you to change – not one little bit.”

            Merci, Hamton,” said Fifi, with happy tears starting to pour out of her eyes. “And, to tell you the truth, you are not the most attractive person I have ever date or the coolest person in the world. But what I love about you is that you are always honest and smart. More importantly, you make me laugh, you make me feel happy and, most of all, you are the best person in the world who lets me be myself.”

            “Thanks, Fifi,” smiled Hamton.

            “I also want you to know,” said Fifi, “that no matter what happens to us, even if you are not my true love, you shall always be my friend and I will always be a part of your life as you will always be a part of mine.” And she kissed her favourite boyfriend once before they went off together.

            “Well, that’s sorted out,” said Mersei. Then she saw her twin brother crying. “What’s your problem?”

            “It’s so beautiful,” Slimy sobbed happily.

            Rond laughed. “Check out Plucky and Shirley.”

            Her new friends saw Plucky who was holding a floating Shirley. “Come on, Shirl. Just one kiss and dance for the bravest duck in the world.”

            “Get modest, Plucky! You know you didn’t do much!” Then Shirley’s aura got out a sledgehammer and slammed Plucky into the sand. Then the magical loon floated away.

            Rond and her friends laughed.

            “Hey, check out the bunnies,” cried their sparrow friend.

            Buster in Hawaiian shirt was glazing at the starry night. Then he felt his arms were full and heavy.

            “Isn’t it beautiful, Buster?” Babs said. She was wearing a sparkling orange dress.

            “It certainly is, Babs,” said Buster, straining to hold his best friend’s weight. “But not as beautiful as you.”
                 Babs was awestruck.

            “Now can I put you down?” asked Buster. “Now I’ve given you a compliment.” But he fell into the sand, still holding Babs.

            “Isn’t he strong?” his girlfriend smiled.

            Rond and her friends laughed, too. Then Mersei point to Rita and Runt.

            “What shall we do now, Rita, huh?” Runt panted happily.

            “Why don’t we just take advantage of seeing this beautiful night sky?” Rita suggested.

            “Oh, okay,” said Runt. “Hey, Rita, why did you sacrifice your life for me?”

            “Because no matter how much you irritate me or hurt me,” said Rita, “I can’t seem to live without you. Besides, I’d believe in anything, were it not for you,” she sang. “Showing me by just existing, only this is true. I love you. I love you.” She kissed him. “Without question, I love you.”

            “And I love you, too, Rita,” said Runt, licking her like mad.

            “Dogs, go figure,” Rita muttered.

            Then Rond saw Mr. Snuffensniff looking lonely too. “I’ll check you guys later,” she told her friends as she walked away.

            “Hey, Snuffy,” she said. “Are you feeling lonely tonight?”
                  Snuffensniff gulped. “Uh, yeah, well, that is – ”

            “Say no more,” said Rond. She clicked her fingers and she was suit up into her iron suit, excluding her helmet. “Shall we take a flight?”

             “I thought you never asked,” said Suffensniff.

             Rond took his wing and they flew up into the night sky.

             “This is so beautiful,” said Rond. “The moonlight, the peace and quiet and most of all, you.” 

             “You flatter me, Jane,” Snuffensniff laughed.

             Jane Rond laughed with him. Then they leaned in to kiss.

             Down below, Mersei was watching them. Seeing everyone with a partner was making her jealous. She looked around to ask if someone would like to be with her tonight but she only found that her friends had vanished with another partner. Even her twin brother was dancing with a Bother!

             “Will no one want to spend time with me, the Head Girl at P.E.E.L.E.D.?” Mersei moaned.

             “I will.”
                  Mersei turned around and saw a tiny dragon flapping next to her. She looked around hoping for someone else, but there weren’t. So she decided to give this dragon a chance. A very wild and exhausting chance. . They past Bugs and Lola Bunny who were dancing on the beach.

             “Well, folks, I hope you like this parody story,” Bugs said to the audience. “See you next time.”

             “Bugs, where’s Daffy?” asked Lola.

             Then they heard screaming.

             “He’s got a date with a crab.”

             They turned to see Daffy hoping up and down with a crab dangling on his foot. They laughed and remused dancing with the others.

 

THE END


Cast List
 

  • Freema Agyeman (Doctor Who, Torchwood, The Carrie Dairies) as Jane Rond/Brendian Cannister/Iron Pig (A parody of James Bond, Iron Man/Tony Stark and Tyrion Lannister and Arya Stark (Game of Thrones)).

  • Jennifer Lawrence (The Hunger Games, X-Men, Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle) as Joanna Bayboy/Queen Boffrey (A parody of Alec Trevelyan (Goldeneye), King Joffrey and Theon Greyjog (Game of Thrones), Loki (Marvel Comics) and is an evil version of Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones) and Elsa the Snow Queen (Frozen).

  • Ashley Greene (Twilight, LOL) as Snarls (A parody of Jaws)

  • Demi Lovato (Valentine’s Day, The Lorax and The Giver)  as Goldfeather (A parody of Goldfeather)

  • Taylor Swift (Camp Rock, Sonny with a Chance and Glee) as Odd-Blob (A parody of Odd-Job)

     

    Tiny Toons

  • Hamton J. Pig

  • Buster Bunny

  • Babs Bunny

  • Plucky Duck

  • Fifi La Fume

  • Shirley the Loon

  • Elmyra Duff

  • Montana Max

  • Gogo Dodo

  • Calamity Coyote

  • Li’l Beeper

  • Dizzy Devil

  • Li’l Sneezer

  • Sweetie Bird

  • Fowlmouth

  • Concord Condor

  • Mary Melody

     

    Perfecto Prep

  • Roderick Rat

  • Rhubella Rat

  • Danforth Drake

  • Margot Mallard

  • Other Perfecto Students

     

            Animaniacs

  • Rita

  • Runt

  • Yakko Warner

  • Wakko Warner

  • Dot Warner

  • Dr. Scratchansniff

  • Hello Nurse

  • Thaddus Plotz

  • Ralph T. Guard

  • Pinky

  • The Brain

  • Slappy Squirrel

  • Skippy Squirrel

  • Buttons

  • Mindy

  • Katie Ka-Boom

  • The Goodfeathers:

    • Squit

    • Bobby

    • Pesto

    • Minerva Mink

           Looney Tunes


  • Bugs Bunny

  • Daffy Duck

  • Lola Bunny


    Other Characters

  • Miranda Hart (Miranda, Call the Midwife) as J.A.N.Y.I.S. (Just A Nervous Yet Intelligent System) (A parody of Iron Man’s J.A.R.V.I.S.)

  • Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada, Into the Woods) as CIC (Short for ‘Commander in Chief) (A parody of M from James Bond)

  • Penelope Wilton (Downtown Abbey, Doctor Who) as IN-G (Short for ‘Ingenious’) (A parody of Q from James Bond)

  • Lily James (Fast Girls, Downtown Abbey, Cinderella) as Mersei Tannister (A parody of Cersei Lannister (Game of Thrones))

  • Rupert Grint (Harry Potter) as Slimy Tannister (A parody of Jamie Lannister (Game of Thrones))

  • James Corden (Gavin and Stacey, Into the Woods) as Jelix Fighter/Tar Machine (A parody of Felix Lieter from James Bond, War Machine from Iron and the Others from Game of Thrones).

  • Tom Hiddleson (Thor, War Horse) as Mr. Snuffensniff (A parody of Miss Moneypenny from James Bond).

  • Ariel Winter (Morden Family, Sofia the First, Mr. Sherman and Peabody) as Hannah (a parody of Anna from Frozen).

  • Russell Brand (Forgetting Sarah Marhall, Get Him To The Greek, Despicable Me) as Dean Paulson (A parody of Agent Phil Coulson from Marvel).

  • Sean Combs (Monster’s Ball, Get Him to the Greek) as Fluffy Daddy

     

    Other Parodies

     

  • The Perfecto Princesses are parodies of the Disney Princesses, including:

    • Perfecto Snow White

    • Perfecto Cinderella

    • Perfecto Aurora

    • Perfecto Ariel

    • Perfecto Belle

    • Perfecto Jasmine

    • Perfecto Pocahontas

    • Perfecto Mulan

    • Perfecto Tiana

    • Perfecto Rapunzel

    • Perfecto Merida

    • Perfecto Sofia

  • P.E.E.L.E.D./MI20 is a parody of S.H.I.E.L.D. and MI6

  • The Weird Wolves, the Dragons, the Bothers and the inhabitants of Bestorush are parodies of the inhabitants of Westeros from Game of Thrones.

  • The Burnt Peas are parodies of Marshmallow from Frozen.

  • Mountain Man and Ben are parodies of Kristoff and Sven from Frozen.

     

    Cameos


  • J.J. Abrams

  • Christopher Nolan

  • Steven Spielberg

  • Quentin Tarantino

           Credits

  • Written by Bobby South

  • Tiny Toons and Animanics created and produced by Steven Spielberg, Tom Ruegger and Jean McCardy.

  • Some material based on James Bond created by Ian Fleming.

  • Some material based on Iron Man and Marvel created by Stan Lee and others.

  • Some material based on Game of Thrones created by David Benioff and D. B. Weiss, based on A Song of Fire and Ice from George R. R. Martin.

  • Some material based on Frozen, written by Jennifer Lee, inspired by the Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson.



 

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