Rouge Toons
Author: Bobby South

Chapter 15
The Real Jane Rond and Joanna Bayboy (part one)

The Tiny Toons and Animaniacs were in a ship that was identical to Big Nellie.

            “How long are we going to be?” asked Buster, who was scared of flying. He gulped. “I think I might – ”

            “Don’t you even think of throwing up on my clothes, Buster!” warned Babs.

            “It’ll be over in two minutes.”

            Buster and Babs turned around that it was Rond that answered the question. She was in the solo seat behind them and still in manacles.

            “Here you are, Buster,” Rond said, passing him a vomit bag.

            “Thanks, Rond,” said Buster. “Or Brendian, whoever you are.” Then he put his head in and made a lot of awful noises.

            “Just who are you?” asked Plucky.
                 “Like you really care,” said Rond. “I’ll be having my trial for saving your friend and the world from an evil force and you’ll soon be free to go on about your normal, insane lives when it’s over.”
                 “But where is Hamton?” demanded Plucky. He reached over and grabbed Rond by her blazer and pulled it.

            “Hamton with Rita and Runt are on their way to – ”

            “Rond, no talking!” ordered Mersei as she flew in the corridor. “As for the rest of you, back in your seats. We are approaching Giant Nellie in ten seconds.”

            “Told you guys it would over in two minutes,” said Rond.

            Plucky let go of Rond and went back into their seats. He along with Babs and Buster looked through the windows.

            “I can’t see anything,” said Plucky.

            “Maybe this is Giant Nellie is a giant cloud,” said Babs.

            Then out of the clouds came another ship but ten times the size of a normal ship and with more powerful thrusters. You could call it the twin of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Helicarrier.

            “You’re right, Babs. A giant grey cloud.” Buster had to laugh.

            Babs sarcastically laughed back.



The ship landed on Giant Nellie’s landing lane and slowed down until it stopped fully in the mini aircraft hangar.  Then the platform beneath the ship started to lower down. Then it stopped on level twelve and everyone got out.

            “Slimy, take our guests to the court room,” Mersei said. “The trial will begin in two minutes.”

            “Two minutes!” cried Babs. “I can’t go to court smelling like this!” She sniffed Plucky’s tank top. “Phew! Plucky, when did you last wash this?”

            “Hey, it wasn’t my fault, rodent brain!” Plucky snapped. “My body was taken over by an evil spirit.”
                 “I’m hungry!” moaned Wakko.

            “There are so many people in urgent need of care,” said Hello Nurse, holding Sneezer whose face was still badly damaged.

            Ja,” agreed Dr. Scrathensniff. “I never thought I say this but I’d rather do my frustrating medical duty than do boring jury service.”

            “Well, you guys don’t have a choice,” said Mersei. “CIC’s orders.”

            “CIC?” asked Dot.

            “CIC Hartman?” said Yakko.

            “Very funny,” said Mersei. “I’d like to see you laughing when you meet our commander in chief. Slimy, take them now.”

            Slimy let the Tiny Toons and Animaniacs to the court room.

            Mersei turned to Rond and smiled wickedly as she clicked her fingers. Two of her friends took Rond by each her arm and escorted her to the courtroom. The pig glared at Mersei.

            “No hard feelings, Rond,” said Mersei. “Business is business.”

            “Don’t lie, Mersei,” said Rond. “You never liked me and always wanted me away from S.H.I.E.L.D. the moment I joined this school. You could have left me alone out there and we would have never bothered each other ever again. So why did you bring me back, hmm?”

            Mersei took it like it was a rocket science question, but Rond knew she didn’t have a clue. She always knew despite her popularity and her position as Head Girl of P.E.E.L.E.D., the ostrich was not the brightest blub on the ceiling.

            “Beauty, popularity and brains aren’t the same thing, you know,” Rond chuckled.

            “Guys, let’s go!” ordered Mersei. And she led the way, followed by her friends dragging Rond behind.


Rond had never even seen let alone been in one of P.E.E.L.E.D.’s court room. She would never have thought this court room would as big and grand as a normal court room, especially on a ship, even though this one was massive. It had normal white walls and wooden seats in the gallery where on the right row sat the Animanics and on the left were the Tiny Toons. Everyone gave Rond either a worried or an angry look; neither looked bothered the tough pig spy.

            She saw ahead a giant wooden bench where CIC, In-G and all the staff members were sitting and waiting.

            Rond still in manacles was slammed onto the defence table. She was surprised at who she was sitting next to. “You’re my defence lawyer?”

            “Nobody else wanted to be,” said Dean Paulson. “They couldn’t do this trial without a defence lawyer and they wanted to get this trial over and done with so they picked me in only two seconds.”

            CIC rose up and so did everyone.

            “Good afternoon,” said the commander-in-chief of P.E.E.L.E.D. “We are here for the trial of Jane Rond aka Brendian Cannister. She is charged for leaving our base without permission, improper use of MI20 equipment, her friendship of the evil Joanna Bayboy and worst of all, and I mean worst of all, for her sarcastic remarks.”

            Rond scoffed. “You always had a low sense of humour,” she muttered quietly.

            “Silence!” ordered CIC. Then she sat back down in her chair. Everyone did the same. “Council for the Defence, call your first witness.”

            Paulson stood up. “All right, who wants to be the first volunteer to the witness stand?”

            No one put their hands up.

            “Come on,” snapped Mersei, who was the Council for the Prosecution. “We don’t have all day.”

            “Like, I will.”
                 Everyone saw a white wing belonging to Shirley the Loon holding up.

            “Shirley, what are you doing?” asked Babs.

            “Like, trust me,” said Shirley. She went up not to the witness stand but to Rond.

            “What are you doing?” asked Paulson.

            “Hamton told me about you,” said Rond. “How will reading my mind do us any – ”

            All she got from the loon was a very quick and simple touch on her forehead. The pig spy shut her eyes and fell down.

            Shirley faced the audience. “Everyone,” she said. “Pay attention, because I’m, like, going to show you her life story or some junk.”
                 She lifted her wings up and everyone went, ‘awe’ in amazement as a giant cloud-like object appeared above her. In the middle, a vision of some sort began to show.

            “Oh, is it starting?” asked Wakko. “I didn’t get any popcorn or candy.”
                 “Shh!” whispered Yakko and Dot.

            “This is a courtroom, not a movie theatre,” said Yakko.

            The vision became clearer and everyone in the courtroom saw the countryside outside Charleston with an isolated poor farm house. They saw a silver-haired lady walking out of the door brushing the porch. They saw two very tanned-skinned six year old twins dressed in red shirts and blue overalls laughing as they fed the hens. And then they saw a fourteen-year-old Joanna Bayboy, wearing blue jeans and a black tank top, mucking out the horse stalls, which she hated. Not only was the job hard work and dirty, but the horses mocking and teasing her didn’t make her happy either.

            BEEP! BEEP!

            A farm truck arrived.

            The mother and the twins were excited as they ran to the farmer of the farm and hugged him with his huge grey whiskery beard covering them under his large straw hat.

            Jo saw them but didn’t seem to want to join them and decided that she would rather go back to mucking out the cows, even though she hated it.

            “Did you get any pigs?” asked the mother.

            “Only one, I’m afraid,” said the father, showing them the young piglet he got. She was a black British piglet wearing posh red dress.

             “A piglet in a red dress,” said the mother. “Well, that’s not going to help us much!”

            “She was the only one left,” protested the father.



The night was filled with a lot of argument and screaming coming from the house. But the miserable Jo Bayboy wasn’t bothered by it. It had taken her all day to muck out the whole stables and she was too tired to care about anything at all. Passing the pigsty on her way back to the house, she fell over something and hit her head on a big rock. She got up, but her forehead was bleeding. Then she put her hand over it and after five seconds she let go and soon there was no more blood.

            “Good trick.”

            Jo jumped and turned around to face the British piglet standing on top of a pole of the pigsty.

            “You can talk?” said Jo.

            “Sure, I can talk as much as you can heal yourself like magic,” said the pig.

            “You saw everything?” Jo cried. “Please, don’t tell anyone. If I get found out, even by my stepfamily, I will taken away and experienced on and – ”

            “I won’t, I promise,” said the piglet.

            “I don’t even know how I got them from or if I was born with them and I don't – ”

            The piglet put her hooves on Jo’s lips. “I cross my heart and hope to die.”

            “So that’s why you never told us about Jo’s powers?” Hannah asked Rond in the courtroom. “Because you promised her?”

            “Hannah, shush,” whispered In-G. “You’re in court.”

            Back in Charlson three years ago, the Devon piglet poured some tea out of her metal flask and into the plastic white cup. “Fancy a cup of English tea?” She handed it to Jo.

            “Thanks,” said Jo. She took it and drunk it. “This is really good.”

            “Thanks,” said the piglet. “I don’t even use teabags. I make the tea from the leaves themselves.”

            “Really?” said an amazed Jo. “And the milk?”

            “From some cow that made milk that no one wants,” said the piglet.

            Jo spat the tea out.

            “I didn’t say it was bad milk,” explained the piglet. “Just milk that you and your family won’t sell or drink in time due to the amount you produce. So there.”

            “The farmers aren’t my family,” said Jo. “Well, my step family. I try to fit in, I really do, but for some reason, it’s just not working.”

            “Well, I never fitted in with my pig family either,” said the piglet. “I was the runt of my litter. So emigrating here has never bothered me. I don’t even feel homesick now.”

            Jo smiled and held her hand out. “Joanna Bayboy.”

            “Brendian Cannister,” said the piglet.

            “JO, IT’S BEDTIME!” called Jo’s stepfather.

            “OKAY, MR. BARK, I’M COMING!” Jo shouted back. Then she turned back to Brendian. “See you tomorrow.”

            Brendian smiled. “You will.”




            Jo opened her window. “Thanks once again for ruining my beauty rest!” she snapped at the cockerel leaning on her windowsill.

            “Well, you and your family won’t make a living in bed,” said the cockerel.

            “I do my lyric writing,” protested Jo.

            “And a lot of good that’s done for you and your family,” said the cockerel as he flew down, laughing as loud as he cared.

            Jo was fed up as she walked out of the farmhouse. She always felt like an outsider, living with a foster family and never knowing who her real family was. She wasn’t even friends with her stepfamily, even with the young twins looking up to her. All she wanted to be was a lyric writer, but life was just unfair.

            She went to the horse stables and opened it find it totally empty with clean straw and no horse at all.

            “They’re all in the fields already.”

            Jo turned around to see Brendian next to her. The piglet was in blue overalls and muck was all over her.

            “It’s six in the morning,” said Jo.

            “In England, it’s eleven,” said Brendian. “I’m still just adjusting to your time here.”

            “Thanks, Brendian,” said Jo. “But why are you helping?”

            “Because I’m too young to retire to pig swill and mud,” said Brendian. “I want to make the most of life while I’m young and capable.”

            “Well, I have to feed the chickens, muck out the cows and sheer the sheep,” said Jo. “I don’t suppose you want to – ”

            “Let’s get going,” said Brendian taking her hand.

            Back in the courtroom, Mersei stood up. “Sorry to interrupt, but I have to ask the accused something. Rond, did you ever suggest to your friend to use her magic powers to do her chores in no time? And if not, why not?”

            “Well, unlike you, Mersei,” said Rond, “I made a promise to the only friend I ever had when I was living in the United States.”
                  “I never had any friends in the United States,” said Mersei.

            “I meant you never promised anything to anyone,” said Rond. “Not even to your own twin brother.”

            “Like, may I continue?” snapped Shirley, who looked like she was straining by producing these flashbacks.

            “Please do,” said CIC.



As her days on the farm went by, Brendian was proving her worth on the farm. She was helping with Jo’s chores and the farm was delivering twice their products and earning double. Not only was she Jo’s helper, they became best friends. In fact, Jo was beginning to view the piglet as a sister and even more than her stepsisters.

            Brendian was helping to get their jobs done every morning that they could have an afternoon off every day. They would be going to the mall to shop or watch a movie at the theatre or just relax in the field having a picnic or an afternoon swim. But what made Brendian the happiest of all was watching a display of magical moving pictures all created by Jo’s magic.

            In the court, Bobby yawned. “I don’t know why we’re seeing this. I don’t see the connections.”

            “Yeah!” snapped Pesto. “We’re just watching nothing but a pig’s memory. It’s not even amusing.”
                 “You’re really critical, Pesto,” said Squint.

            Pesto leaned in towards Squint. “What do you mean, I’m critical?”

            “I’m just saying you’re critical,” said Squint.

            “Oh, I’m critical, am I?” snapped Pesto. “Are you saying, I’m a harsh bird that moans and demands as much as Anna Wintour? That I don’t have any feelings? Is that what you’re saying?”

            “No, I’m not saying that at all,” said Squint. “I’m just saying you’re critical.”

            “I’m critical, huh?” asked Pesto.


            “That’s it!”

            Once again, the Goodfeathers were in a brawl again.

            One night in Charlson, Brendian invited Jo into her very small pig hut.

            “What?” Jo cried.

            “That’s right,” said Brendian, as she opened the hatch on the roof of her hutch. “Come on!”
                 Jo sighed and squeezed through the hatch. As she landed on the floor, she was amazed what she saw. White walls, massive paintings, massive dripping candles, two comfy creamy sofas and a massive fireplace and everything every mansion would have.

            “How did you do this?” she asked, as she sat on one sofa.

            “If I tell you a secret, will you tell me one of yours?” asked Brendian.

            “Okay, my passion in life,” said Jo, “is being a songwriter.”

            “Songwriter, huh?” said Brendian. “May I see some examples?”

            Jo gave Brendian some examples and Brendian read them. She seemed impressed.

            “Very good,” said Brendian.

            “Now, tell me, how did you this place?” asked Jo.

            “Well…” said Brendian. “After we finished working so hard every day, I have a passion of my own. I’m an inventor.”

            “Inventor?” Jo scoffed.

            Brendian clapped her hands thrice and Jo felt like something was caught her back and digging into her. She jumped up and saw two metal long arms with white gloves waving to her.

            “Oh, Jo,” said Brendian. “After all the work we do, you don’t want a nice comfortable massage?”

            After hearing those words, Jo decided to lie back down on her sofa and enjoy her wonderful back massage.




            “How’s your song writing coming on?” asked the cockerel, as Jo opened her bedroom door. “When are your songs coming on the radio? Why don’t I hear them these days? Oh, I know. Because they’re not ready because they’re not good at all!” He laughed.

            Jo ignored him and went out of the house. She jumped when she saw what she saw – a large white limousine!

            “Come on, Jo,” cried Brendian, grabbing her by the arm. “Fluff Daddy is waiting for you to sing your songs.”
                 “Wait a minute,” cried Jo. “Singing? My own songs?”

            “Yep,” said Brendian. “Now, come on. The sooner we sign your contracts, the sooner you’ll be a star.”
                 “We?” Jo was puzzled as she got in the limousine after Brendian. “You’re not – ”

            “Your agent? You bet all the money you’re going to make I am,” said Brendian. “Now, let’s get going.”

            Then the limousine drove off.



“So it wasn’t Fluff Daddy who discovered Joanna Bayboy,” said Slimy, as he jumped up from his seat. “It was Rond.”

            “So we know it was Rond or Cannister that found her and pushed her into being a teen idol,” said CIC.

            “Therefore, she is guilty!” declared Plucky.

            “I knew you guys would jump to the wrong conclusions,” Rond said angrily. “Hamton, Rita and Runt told J.A.N.Y.I.S. about you guys. And J.A.N.Y.I.S. let me know what they told her, too.”

            “How do we know you’re not as bad as that evil queen herself?” asked Yakko.

            “Has Shirley finished my life story already?” asked Rond.

            “Anything you know that you’re not telling us?” demanded Dot.

            “Only that Rita and Runt went on this mission to feel they have a purpose to live for,” said Rond. “Because cutting them off from your show after season one make them feel really special.”
                 “They had cameos afterwards!” protested Dot.

            “And a five second cameo is better than all the hard work they’ve done to help my mission, is it?” said Rond. “Then she turned to the Tiny Toons. “As for you guys, Hamton didn’t do this mission for food or money or for admiration. No, he did for his best friends. For you, Plucky, even after all you’ve done to him.”

            “Why have I ever done?” asked Plucky.

            “Exactly,” said Rond. “A selfish and a very un-bright duck.” Then she turned to Buster and Babs. “As for you bunnies and ducks, whatever, he worked very hard to make this world safer for you guys, even though he still feels like he’s in your shadows.”

           “Not in my shadow,” said Babs. “I’m not a bunny any more. I’m a duck.”

           “Temporarily,” said Plucky. “I hope.”

            Rond moved on. “But, for more than anyone else, he did it for you, Fifi.”

            “For moi?” asked Fifi.

            “All he really wanted was for you to be alive, safe and happy,” said Rond. “It shows that he loves you more than all the food he could eat on this planet, even if you don’t love him back. If he doesn’t even mean anything to you, I think at least you should tell him so instead of letting live in this – ”

            TASI-TOI!” screamed Fifi, her teeth grinding and her odor being released.

            CIC banged her hammer on the gravel. “SILENCE!” she yelled. “I think we need to take a ten minute break and hopefully everyone will be calmer and more focus afterwards. Court adjourned for now.”


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