Blog Of A Confused Girl
Im lost but found. My hearts says to stop trying. My brain says to keep going and make things work. I guess its all in my head. I dont know if I really love him. Its hard to explain. My hand doesnít fit in his like its made for it. When we hug its like Im not sad we won't see each other because I donít really care but I do care. I donít want him to know the real me but I want him to like me for me. I feel as if he likes me just for my body not my personality. The songs he says describe how he feel about me are all about a girls body nothing else. I sometimes wonder if he really loves me or if heís just faking it to make me happy.
I have feelings for him but I know I shouldnít even think about him. We havenít actually talked in months yet I feel like we talk everyday. Theres awkward smiles at each other and hellos. I know that if i keep going back that itíll just make things harder. I love the way he laughs and the little glances he gives me in class. I canít decide if i should just be done with him or not. I miss his hugs and all the jokes he used to make. He was the first guy who ever held my hand. Stuff happened and I did it again. I let go of someone who was good for me. I didnít trust he wouldnít lie or deceive me.
What do you do when you donít know what to do. When all theyíve ever done is love you but you wake up one day to realize they just wanted to know they had a chance with someone and know they had someone who would kiss and hug them. All I ever wanted was a nice boy who would hold my hand, hug me tight, kiss my forehead, and be stupid with me. I donít need expensive gift or romantic dates. Theyíve made me lose track of who i am and worst of all im losing touch with everyone important to me. I have no one who i can talk to anymore. I wanna talk and just tell people what iím thinking about. I wish I could talk to atleast my friends. I want to hate them all but they all have these certain things about them that makes me like them more.
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