Shaken: A story of emotional abuse and depression
Upping the ante
Prologue: ‘Upping the ante’
The relationship I endured took a toll on my pre-existing disorder. I had suffered with attacks of anxiety since I was a child, which along with bouts of depression, accompanied me into adulthood.
A bad bout of anxiety would see me locked in the bathroom, frightened and alone while I sat there shivering making my peace to God. Attacks that were so severe and intense, I was sure I was about to die.
How sick they made me feel. The negative thoughts would try to penetrate my exhausted and troubled mind and sweat would seep from every pour of my tired and trembling body. If not for what I call ‘my logical brain’ and my desire to overcome these battles, I’m sure that the battles I was going to face in the decade known as my twenties, would have eventually seen me committed to the cuckoo’s nest.
I had started to see a psychologist in my twenties. It was a few years before I met the man who was to become my emotional abuser who would have dire effects upon my mental health.
During my time with him, I was happy to realise that my anxiety hadn’t flared up, in what I realised was about to be a year. It was such a relief to be functioning without fear or trepidation. I felt I was slowly getting better.
Little did I know however, that the absence of anxiety would be replaced with the presence of something that medical professionals call Panic Attacks. Attacks that elevated my pre-existing and dormant disorder to a full-fledged diagnosis of severe depression, panic and anxiety disorder with slight OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.)
It was a diagnosis which saw my return back to medication after just over ten years without it.
I was prescribed a 100 mg dose of a strong anti-depressant/anxiety and mood stabilising drug. That rapidly rose to an astonishingly medically prescribed 300 mg dose within a month and a half. It was 250 mg more than the average recommended dose for both male and females alike.
(c) Kerry Connelly 2013
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Release date: October 2013
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