A Girl Named Her
Author: Braylee B

Chapter 32
32

She's falling apart. Slowly. Painfully. The tears are pounding behind her eyes waiting to come out. Her throat is choking up. Her head hurts. She just wants it all to stop. The guilt. The urges. The pain. The confusion. Why is it always her? Why is she the one thrown into all of this shit. These messes. She creates them... So no one else is really to blame here. But why her? Why is she the one used, beat, broke, then tossed to the side once she can't handle any more. A girl can only take so much pain. A girl can only hold so much inside. She knows she has to let it out. If she doesn't, she will let it out the only way she knows how. The way that the world is able to see. Those scars on her body all have meaning. She can remember almost very one. Even the ones that have faded. She remembers. Her body bears her pain just as much as her heart does.
She's scared ... she doesn't want to go back to her old ways. A slut... a self harmer. She doesn't want to feel used. She doesn't want to be that girl again. She wont let herself.... or will she without realizing it? She likes the wrong people. She falls for the wrong people. The one who was always there just isn't enough anymore she guesses.. he's perfect. But she's not allowed to be happy. Her mind and heart won't let her. And her body definitely wont let her. He's from her past. He was perfect then. She wanted to think that innocence never changed, but maybe she wasn't around long enough to see his darker side. The not so innocent side. Part of that guy is still there. That guy that treated her like an actual human and not an object. But his other side is out now and she's scared he will turn her back into that person she hates so much. She doesn't want to be the back up. She doesn't want him to go to her just because he feels lonely. He has a girlfriend.... so why not her. Why me? She doesn't want to be someones toy. She wont be any ones toy every again.. will she be able to control it... or will she go back to her old self...
She's not perfect. But she makes her smile. She sees a notification knowing its her and she smiles like an idiot. She didn't realize there's so much more than she sees. And that scares her. That someone can make you so happy, but then you are afraid of who they really are.
She's scared. She's having urges. She needs to believe in herself. But its so hard when everything good is really bad. Maybe its time to be more secretive..... maybe its time to learn to hide her scars better....

 

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