Lost and Surfacing
Author: BeanieGirl123

Chapter 23

Wisdom is the knowledge that hurt and pain exist
And that sometimes we choose to feel it
But that other times we don't choose
It takes you over and you drown in depression
... unwillingly
However, some are fortunate enough to mostly feel happiness
I wish desperately to feel that way someday
Yet I am so glad to pride in my wisdom
And I feel love blossoming and burning in my chest
Love for things I hate some days
Loving and hating for depression and pain
Loving and hating for people
Loving and hating everything
My confusion is overpowering and brutal
Through sometimes life is a dance
Other times it is a painful ballad of sorrow...
Can my head possibly explode from thoughts?
The changes knock me down
Black and white withing seconds
Never knowing which way I'm floating
Up or down, left or right
You know what, forget black and white
I'm blue and red
Blue for depression, pain, tiring, giving up, losing hope
Red is my irritation, happiness, lust, intelligence, liveliness
I hate and I love both
And I wish I could control them
I don't hold and power or control
I have absolutely no reign over anyone or anything
Not even myself
To know that others hold the leash that restrains me
It terrifies me beyond anything else
There is no way out
And she tells me that the alternative to life...
is unacceptable
I must listen to her
Because she is wise too
And sometimes I am not wise enough


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