the world within me
Author: Ella

Chapter 102
Pride

it's hard to not care what people think
and build our identity in Christ
to think less about ourselves
and remember His sacrifice

it's difficult to not look in the mirror
and want to be beautiful
to see how others are so wise
and think that i'm a fool

when my feelings are so hurt
it's actually my ego
and it's indeed so tiring
to always put on a show

whenever i say i hate myself
i'm truly self obsessed
and it is difficult
to think of myself less

not to think less of myself
but to stop thinking altogether
blessed self forgetfulness
that what i think may not matter

even admitting that i am proud
may fail to break my pride
because i am still thinking
about myself deep inside

i hope i will always
remind myself that i am justified
not by who i am
but by the saviour that has died

every judgement comes after the performance
but only in this world
yet we have the verdict
before the performance would unfurl

i used to think how could God love me
when i am so imperfect
and doubt if i have changed
blaming everything i lack

but that is giving myself too much credit
thinking i am not good enough
is still thinking about myself
this pride is hard to snuff

i know even though i'm aware
of all the pride in me
i will still be prideful in the future
but i do hope to be free

every time i realise it
i hope to remember the gospel
and stop being inflated or deflated
by my own boastful babble

 

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