Until Dawn
GenreFantasy / Fiction
Age Rating:R15
Submitted:Tuesday, 11 February 2014
Star rating:
 
(1 rating)
Read by:117 different readers
 

Dawn Colchester is a lonely, tormented girl who lives in the sleepy town of Coldlake. Tormented for the strange marks on her face and still suffering from the loss of her mother, Dawn doesn't believe that she has much else to live for other than her father, and certainly believes she has nothing to lose.

However, on a cold November evening after a short shopping trip, Dawns world is turned upside down in a rollercoaster of events. Thrown into the world of the Lathairs, a family of Darklings and the very thing she should fear, Dawn is thrust into a life of royal extravagance and desire, yet remains isolated from everything she longs to understand.

Unnaturally drawn to the oldest royal daughter, Princess Camryn, as well as igniting a lust in more than one male Darkling, Dawn is about to embark on a journey of love, hate and unthinkable friendship, but at what price?

 

List of chapters

Ch. 0 Prologue
Ch. 1 Chapter One
Ch. 2 Chapter Two
Ch. 3 Chapter Three
Ch. 4 Chapter Four
Ch. 5 Chapter Five
Ch. 6 Chapter Six
Ch. 7 Chapter Seven
Ch. 8 Chapter Eight
Ch. 9 Chapter Nine
Ch. 10 Chapter Ten
Ch. 11 Chapter Eleven
Ch. 12 Chapter Twelve
Ch. 13 Chapter Thirteen
Ch. 14 Chapter Fourteen

Comments

 
Rachael_Renee Wednesday, 12 February 2014
This is becoming very interesting. Again, a few typos, but nothing major.

Dawn is developing well - even with these few chapters I can see she'll really lead this story. I was almost grateful for Dawn's father still being in her life, considering everything she's been through. It's very easy to empathize with her.

I can't wait until the next chapter! Keep writing! :)
 
Rachael_Renee Wednesday, 12 February 2014
Another well written chapter! Johanna is a total snob, selfish and egotistical; the bullying factor will definitely appeal to a lot of people.

I noticed a few typos, but rereading would fix it. Also, a few grammatical mistakes, but I assume they're also typos. (When typing, I sometimes forget them, so that's understandable!) Just be sure to do a quick read over.

I love the ending! Writing cliff hangers aren't the easiest thing to do, but it flowed well - and naturally, might I add - into the work.

This is emotionally investing; you have a way with pathos! I think you've done a great job!
 
Rachael_Renee Wednesday, 12 February 2014
This was an excellent prologue! It leaves the reader wanting to continue with the story.

I did notice a few grammatical mistakes, such as comma placement, but that was only towards the beginning, so be sure to check for that. I also think some of your word choices didn't fit right, but only because it didn't feel natural, if that makes sense.

But, besides that, I think you've got something great to work with! The first sentence is an amazing hook without being over the top. Not much imagery is placed within this chapter, but the small amounts you have worked well. Consider adding some more, but you really don't need to.

Like I said, this is quite a good beginning!

Click here for more