Just Call Me Helen - Completed
GenreShort Stories / Mystery
Age Rating:R13
Submitted:Friday, 20 July 2012
Star rating:
 
(1 rating)
Read by:205 different readers
 

Helen is a woman that wears a detective fedora and a man's disguise. No one can know that she's a woman. Not even her partner, Roy. Helen takes up the case of a grisly murder and as the case gets more and more odd, her true identity as a woman is at risk of being exposed.
A short story written for a Creative Writing class.
Note: It seems long with twelve chapters but some are very short.
Leave comments and criticism, please!

 

List of chapters

Ch. 1 My Name is Helen
Ch. 2 Her Name was Maggie Fitzpatrick
Ch. 3 I Will Have to Let Him Help
Ch. 4 In the Gang
Ch. 5 This Hell I Suffer
Ch. 6 A Break-through
Ch. 7 Nard
Ch. 8 His Left Hand
Ch. 9 A Reciept for Rat Poison
Ch. 10 Weakness Cannot Define Me
Ch. 11 I Can Take Care of Myself
Ch. 12 You Can Trust Me

Comments

 
Abby Vandiver Friday, 20 July 2012
Your book started out so good, but I must stop here. Things have just begun to get so unlikely. You write very well. And, I most certainly enjoy Roy trying to figure out Helen's name, although with an alter ego named Henry, it really shouldn't have been so hard.

Morticians aren't at morgues, nor do they determine cause of death. That would be a coroner. A mortician would be at the funeral home. How is Maggie bloody is she was in the sea? That would be impossible. If Helen was hired by the sister, why did she question if anyone claimed the body? You use "upon" often and it awkward.

I love your storyline. You should let the reader know what year it is. Keep working at it.

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