Roxy and the Rainbow River
GenreFantasy / Adventure
Age Rating:PG
Submitted:Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Star rating:
 
(1 rating)
Read by:160 different readers
 

Roxy is spoilt and after being forced into a wood by a bear,she discovers something cool.A rainbow river.No-one else had found it and she trys to keep it a secret.Will she spread the news?Or will she keep it to herself?

 

List of chapters

Ch. 1 I want it!

Comments

 
C.A.M Tuesday, 26 February 2013
Good start! I really like this. Here's some things you can fix though:
Put spaces after commas, like this, and spaces after periods, like this. See?
All I can really say is keep writing, because you have a lot of potential and you are very young, so practice everyday, and by the time you're my age you'll be awesome! If you continue with this, just write for fun and continue to develop your skill.
Good luck!
Stephanie Bretherton Saturday, 3 March 2012
Sounds great so far kiddo! It has potential, and I'm sure this chapter isn't finished yet otherwise it wouldn't end like it does. You have good description and sense of personality within your main character which is an essential in any story writing. The only thing I should mention is some of the content in your story, such as the mystery item in the hay filled container, (maybe Roxy has hayfever?)and why it made her go to sleep and the fact that BBM does not require phone credit, so may need rephrasing slightly, other than that I'm looking forward to reading more of your story, it sounds great!

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