Battle for the Planets.
GenreFantasy / War
Age Rating:R13
Submitted:Friday, 20 May 2011
Star rating:
 
(1 rating)
Read by:181 different readers
 

What will happen to humanity? Well you need to read an find out. I dont spoil my stories as I write them you know.

 

List of chapters

Ch. 0 The beginning

Comments

 
Yuna Tuesday, 25 December 2012
The idea seems fresh to me, but the sudden jumps between perspectives, lack of organisation, and slightly illogical events are ruining it. First of all, check your grammar before posting a chapter. Second, you said that the hybrids were basically humans with fur on them (most of the genetic make-up is human), therefore, logically, their minds should also be human, correct? But they appeared just out of nowhere, in front of Homo sapiens who are known to attack all they fear. This is unreasonable. Nextóif they didnít need a war, then why didnít they call a meeting with the generals? Besides, the scientists would love to learn a secret behind the strange creatures, so there should have been an order to capture one instead of killing everybody. The hybrid characters seem like immature teenagers, currently, so I suggest getting several points of view of one character to make him ďdeeperĒ. I checked your profile, and you said that your school is filled with dumb people. This is a sign that you donít try to look further behind facades the students put I school, because every person is very unique. This is the problem with your characters. As I student myself (13 year old), I can see it clearly.
You have a good idea, again, but you need to develop it a bit, explain things more. Your writing is fast-paced, so it is good in one way. On the other hand, try to prolong you sentences occasionally to avoid making the shortness a routine. Good luck, Steve.

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