Who am I?
GenreChildren / Young Adult
Age Rating:R13
Submitted:Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Star rating:
 
(1 rating)
Read by:222 different readers
 

Cassandra and Stevie have a fight and are now inside each others bodies. How will they ever be themselves again? Or will be stuck in this new form forever?

 

List of chapters

Ch. 0 -Character List-
Ch. 1 -Cassandra-
Ch. 2 -Stevie-

Comments

AlaskaEverfall Saturday, 22 January 2011
This is a really nice start to a story. I like it. However, I have suggestions.

• Never use numbers in your book. Spell them out instead. So, write "One" instead of "1" because it would be a much better way of showing how mature your writing is. Readers don't want to look at something and immediately think: I'm not going to like this, because it isn't written too well.

• I don't really understand why you have "my nickname for Stephanie" in brackets. You don't need that line at all, and I'm sure your readers will be able to guess who you're talking about.

• Never spell okay like "Ok." It's a very annoying habit in a lot of writers, but you seem to be mature enough to actually spell out "okay." =)

• You're missing a lot of punctuation in your dialogue. You really need to make sure to go through your work and thoroughly edit it before uploading it. I think the first couple of sentences were well-grammared, but the rest was a little weird.

•You're missing a lot of commas. Again, revision. You need a lot of revision before uploading anything to a website.

But, despite all my criticism, I really liked this. It has a lot of potential, that can be easily reached with a couple of revisions and changes. =)

Remy xx
P.s: Can you read A Passion Called Hate in return? Thank you. =)
 
Whisper in the Night Monday, 15 November 2010
This is kind of like "freaky friday" in a way. A lot of sentences you have in here really don't matter to the story and are forgotten immediately. This is a very unforgettable first chapter!

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