Comments
The Arkanist

TheCuriousWriter Monday, 20 May 2013
Nice cover and nice prologue. Awesome dialogues but a little too lengthy. Anyway, write more and stay awesome!
 
Issac Scott Friday, 17 May 2013
I'm not into fantasy-- I loved this.

Fantastic prose. A bit wordy, but that's expected of this genre. I liked the vibe of this: gloomy, morbid, just depressing. I really got a feel for the world and the state of chaos it's in. I'll keep reading this one.
 
BriCo Saturday, 20 April 2013
Great. Your writing style is great. It drew me in rite away. Its just the type of books that I like to read. So far everyting is perfect. Keep it up and I will be reading more.
 
James Laurie Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Wow this is great. Marvelous writing that really draws you in from the start. This is the type of story that becomes an epic. I look forward to reading more. If you could check out "The Sanctuary," it would be much appreciated.
 
Colorless Thursday, 11 April 2013
The context you used suits you very well for these types of olden day books. I love how it is set out (: Looking foward to reading the next chapter!
 
ABegans Tuesday, 9 April 2013
This is a really nice story and the way you get into details is perfect for this type of old-style writing. Keep up the good work! ;)
 
*britts-NAY* Saturday, 16 March 2013
Your vocabulary for this style of writing is perfect, but at some points it seems like you over did some of the detail. I got lost in some places, because almost everything seemed to be explained in a very abstract sort of detailing. Which is good, but just on a milder level. Then again, I'm not amazing with reading this kind of "old style" writing, so it could just be me.

I agree with 3rd chance on the fact that this feels a little steretypical. A lot reminds me of The Lord of the Rings, which was already a really hard book to get through. Yes, these kind of books a very over done, and usually predictable. I wouldn't say not to finish writing it (if you haven't already completed it) but just to make sure you give the story a unique quality. Otherwise, the reader really has no reason to read on if it's a story they've read or watched a hundred times before.

I will say, the whole "darkness part" reminds me of my story that you read. Night will occur in my book, but the setting is in a part of a planet where the sun is always in the sky...so I guess it's a little different.

Anyways, I would work on maybe making the prologue a little more exciting, but your writing skill is still amazing. I don't really have much room to critique you with.
 
3rd Chance Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Traditional high fantasy with certain points of spelling and grammar that need minor edits, but otherwise fine. The flow of the story however, and the descriptions of certain scenes, I found stale, and sometimes unexplained and left vague, which is a bad thing in a fantasy creation, since the power of the writer to weave the world into vivid existence is what gives it so much of its appeal. The story is good, yes, but I wouldn't buy it, simply because its so stereotypical. At this point in time, traditional fantasy titles have flooded the market in such numbers that it becomes important to stand out somehow to snare attention, otherwise, when people read it, like I do, they find themselves irrevocably drawing comparisons to previous works they have read that bear so many distinct similarities. Names of foes have been changed around, but their personalities and appearances are still of creatures I remember from other novels and works, and the storyline, when I read through, I found oddly familiar as well, despite never having read it before.
 
Half-Blood Princess Saturday, 5 January 2013
This genre isn't my favourite, but reading this story, I'm so impressed by the way you write- you have such amazing detail, and the way you describe everything is so great. You're definitely the kind of writer who could attract people who aren't typically so into the fantasy genre, just because of how good the writing is. Mind checking out mine? ;)
 
BittersweetIrony Monday, 31 December 2012
I love how lengthy this is I was unsure how I'd feel about this since I'm not into this sort of genre but your writing made me put down all doubts I'm liking this so please keep going!
 
Eryn Grayce Sorenson Saturday, 22 December 2012
Goodness! This just blew your other two stories straight out of the water. This is absolutely phenomenal! And of course, now I know what you are capable of so this is what I will be expecting...no pressure :) But in all seriousness, this was a display of marvelous talent and I thoroughly enjoyed it. If you have more/are planning to add more to this story, please do. 5 stars from me!

Keep writing!
~Grayce
Avi SO Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Oh, sorry, one more thing, in the middle there is a bit of dialogue which is not quotasized
Avi SO Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Great story! A-lot of detail, just if I could just point out two things.
One, the first line I think is superfluous, that can be inferred from later in the chapter, and my grandmother, who was a legal editor told me that unlike in movies, you can;t write in books "X time later", it should be a real sentence.
Great job, I'll continue reading!
 
KCNiemi Tuesday, 5 March 2013
This is really good! I would love to get your opinion on one of my novels :)
 
Gwyndrid Morgan Tuesday, 26 February 2013
Sorry its taken so long, been busy. I have read the first couple of chapters. Great story. I will be back for more
Keep up the good work.
Dave
 
J. B. Hawkins Sunday, 3 February 2013
I am so glad I read your other book first (The Seven Swords of Elora) because, in comparison, this is absolutely entrancing! I was sucked in from the amazing amount of details, and the dialogue was top notch! I did not want to stop reading, and when it ended, I started reading it again. This needs to be a movie.

Again, This was an excellent read, so no pressure, but I expect the next one to top this!
Avi SO Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Just a question, what era like time is this? Is there technology like lifts and skyscrapers or is it more ancient like?
 
LuLu Wednesday, 24 April 2013
Hi :)
Great start to your story! Kale is an interesting character. It's a very rich fantasy world, and your writing is amazing. Very detailed descriptions and well set out. I can see alot of thought has gone into it. And you're just a young guy? I think you are an awesome writer.
Well done, just keep writing. Will read more soon.
Avi SO Wednesday, 19 June 2013
I don't know if you want grammatical corrections but Lor and Loden should be capitalized and through the story there are letters mistakenly capitalized.
Avi SO Friday, 21 June 2013
The chapter in my eyes is a little too long with too much detail and small things that it gets boring in my eyes, just my two cents
 
Rabid Weasel Sunday, 20 January 2013
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()()()()()()() xcellent
 
Bob Craton Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Very well written. I'm impressed.
 
Aastha Saturday, 16 February 2013
I really, really enjoyed reading this book! It was awesome!

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