Comments
Paramount

 
tiffanyaye Saturday, 28 June 2014
You are a really great writer, you really know how to use descriptive words and get into detail. Love it!
 
Karen Juno Wednesday, 2 October 2013
This kinda reminds me of Lisi Harrison. Her writing is so intriguing.
 
yoshita Monday, 23 September 2013
This is so good! the details are perfect. I am surely going to take some tips from here for my story!
 
Camille Ruth Harding Friday, 19 October 2012
Really enjoyed reading the first chapter, looking forward to reading some more later on today :)
 
bexielouisee Sunday, 26 August 2012
This is really good! :)
M.A Bowers Friday, 4 May 2012
i like all of your detail you put into it. i like it so far. :)
Tuesday Rain Tuesday, 9 August 2011
so great!!! i can tell this going to be an amazing book! your detail is just phenomenal!
 
stormdog11 Sunday, 22 May 2011
I like it, I thought there was a perfect amount of details, details paint a good picture, I'm going to continue reading. It was a very good story by the way. :)
thelifeIlive Sunday, 3 October 2010
Oh wow.
This is really good!
I am definalty loving the detail!
Cherish the Dark. Monday, 2 August 2010
Ha i live in indiana! fort wayne!:) and i like the name Sivannah, actually my book "Addyson" was orginally titled Sivannah. Ha:)
Kasdee Wednesday, 30 June 2010
I like this. Its got a lot of detail, but thats not really a problem. A few of your sentences dod rag on a bit, but its nothing that cant be fixed with a little bit of proofreading :D

I'll keep reading. ;D

-K
sincerely Sunday, 4 April 2010
Just got back from vacation and saw your request for a review. It’ll be short, but hopefully I can help.

Your first problem is that you have a little too much description at the beginning. I think you’d be all right if it was written well and important to the story, but you haven’t quite achieved that.
Also, you have grammar and spelling mistakes here and there – things like “could of” instead of “could have”, or “German Sheppard” instead of “German Shepherd”. Then you keep switching tenses – from past to present to past again. And you occasionally use a word in a strange way, when others could work better.
But you do have some good stuff. The global warming comparison is interesting. You have some more good phrases in the showering bit.
But then you begin to tell the reader everything Savannah does. And you stop using her name. It’s just become a step-by-step list of things Savannah does in the morning, lavished with unnecessary description. Maybe that’s exaggerating it, but the problem does exist.
And then you present to the reader that little bit about first kisses that Savannah lacks, calling it losing her lip-virginity. That whole piece is awkward and pretty unnecessary. Right here I’ll tell you a rule: If you can, try to use the smallest amount of space possible to say the most possible. Condense. Make it succinct. That creates powerful writing. It also helps to keep the reader interested.
Your next problem becomes apparent quickly. You suddenly begin talking about Savannah’s character, instead of her appearance. The change is good, and you actually probably should have talked about her character first, with appearance mixed in, but to the problem – Savannah’s cliché. So is Davey. And the prose isn’t much better. There’s not really anything original about it. It’s not bad like some stuff you’ll find out there, but it doesn’t stand out.

Dang. I always end up dragging on and sounding mean. I’m terrible.
Anyhoo, this is all right, though it could use some editing. You’ve just got to try to cut out the old, boring stuff, the extra words, the cliché. Once that’s gone, this could be great. Keep writing!
 
Adorkable Sunday, 14 March 2010
Wow. This is totally faboo! Keep it up! :)
 
ImaTurtle123 Saturday, 13 March 2010
This is good. Do you live in indiana? I do! Lol. Read mine and comment? thanks :)
 
illyria Thursday, 4 February 2010
the beginning looks interesting but i got lost half way through the blurb :/
i think it's difficult to keep track of all your characters, especially bas they are all connected somehow. you also pay too much attention to detail but otherwise i think you've got something going, and i'd like to keep reading :]
 
Cam Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Thanks for your comment :)
I thought your own work was fab. The prose just flows, if you get what I mean.
All I have to offer advice on is that you have the odd mistake here and there, that would easily be corrected with a bit of proofreading. Also, the first sentence, although nicely phrased, does drag on a little. I would suggest using a shorter, sharper sentence as the first to really grab the reader's attention. But in the end, its up to you :)
 
Mikhaila Cartiers Thursday, 13 August 2009
This is good. I like it, and I liked reading it. (:
You have a very good imagination.

Maybe you can check out my story (: Thx
 
Sophie.K.L Saturday, 25 July 2009
this is really really good.

there are a few sentences where i think 'hmm, this could have been described diffeently' but apart from that it's realy good.

Maybe on your first line it might read better if you said something like :

'Blue, red, purple, orange and yellow streaks ran across the early morning sky, whilst the dew on the grass was beginning to dry under the suns watchful gaze.'
Trinity Jade Wednesday, 20 May 2009
You do a great job with imagery. I also get the sybolic meaning of the town. At lest, I think I do. Everyone reads things differently, right? I feel bad for her grandparents.
 
Karen Juno Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Don't worry Dani, you're pretty enough to be raped. LOL!!
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
Wowzer. I'm hooked. This is amazing!
 
DW Monday, 16 April 2012
really enjoyable read!
 
Cydney Daemon Monday, 14 September 2009
Um hey I love your story but I just wanted to let you know that you wrote part of chapter 3 twice
 
Way 2 Go Saturday, 5 June 2010
I love it! So funny and cool! Just one thing, it should be the bell had already rung or rang instead of ringed
 
katconwell Sunday, 23 May 2010
I'm just now commenting on a chapter.
But I really like it so far (:

You should check out my book: Life to Run For (:

Anyhoot. Great story so far :P
 
Meg_x Sunday, 26 August 2012
The speech is so much like a normal teenage conversation at school. Its so good
 
BrokenDescriptions Friday, 8 October 2010
Ditto.
 
TheSunshineStealer Sunday, 18 July 2010
I'm confused too!
 
Amy001 Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Too many people! I'm confused..
 
BrokenDescriptions Friday, 8 October 2010
Agreed.
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
Wow. Elisha is super shallow. What the heck, poor Karyn. It was totally not her fault.
 
Cydney Daemon Sunday, 20 September 2009
I really like your book. You have a way of drawing your readers in. There were a few spelling and grammatical errors but they csn be fixed easily. I hope to read more. If you don't mind could you read and comment on one of my stories please? Thank you.
 
Zombie Queen Wednesday, 5 January 2011
i have the same problme as her my thoughts hate me too
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
Okay, I bet you Savannah is a hella better than Stephenie Meyer!
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
No! not Notre Dame! GO PURDUE! I used to live in Indy, and my parents went to Purdue... :)
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
My sister, and uncle went to Ball State :)
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
Grrrr... Stupid Notre Dame!
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
If it annoys her to hear people talk bad about Maris, she shouldn't talk bad about her. Leesh is such a hypocritical, shallow, douche. Grrrrr...
Sega Parks Monday, 12 April 2010
haha sorry. That was a little lame. I'll change that to something else and no I wasn't offended :)
Ellie.x Monday, 12 April 2010
sorry that last post wasnt by me :S hopefully it didnt offend you :)
Ellie.x Monday, 12 April 2010
''rotten bananas sitting on the counter for six weeks''?!?!?! that was just a little wierd. i was actually enjoying the story before i read that. couldnt you have come up with a better similie or are have you got a 'point 1' average!!! haha lol. :P
 
Honey121 Wednesday, 1 December 2010
I dont like twilight either as much! :) I like how this is going. I like holly!! :)
637974 Monday, 2 August 2010
Twilight might be a crap book but that was a totally stupid way to find a way to bag it.
This story is cool though
 
♥cece_toocute♥ Monday, 19 April 2010
hey dont trash twilight i really like that book. twilight is not a horrible book!!!
Ellie.x Monday, 12 April 2010
HAHAHAHAHA i litterally loled when i read the thing bout twilight!!!
 
Adorkable Monday, 15 March 2010
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Twilight is a horrible book!
 
Honey121 Wednesday, 29 December 2010
:)
 
Leo95 Thursday, 8 July 2010
It's pretty good :) I like the tilapia part :P
 
Violet Swan Saturday, 2 January 2010
tilapia, yum...
 
Honey121 Wednesday, 29 December 2010
:O i cant wait to see whats going to happen!!!! :)
 
Meg_x Sunday, 26 August 2012
Facebook is ace...never had a MySpace account
 
Adorkable Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Haha! Myspace is SO gay! Facebook is a hella better!
 
Meg_x Monday, 27 August 2012
***embarassing
 
Meg_x Monday, 27 August 2012
aww :')
 
Adorkable Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Aw! That is so cute :)
 
Adorkable Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Haha, Holly is amazing!
 
Adorkable Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Woohoo! Go Purdue! :)
 
Adorkable Thursday, 18 March 2010
Haha, Holly is so spunky, and cute :)
 
Adorkable Thursday, 18 March 2010
That was really short...
 
Meg_x Tuesday, 28 August 2012
awww thats so sweet :')
Sega Parks Thursday, 18 March 2010
haha sorry, I changed it. thanks :)
 
Adorkable Thursday, 18 March 2010
You said
Savannah was abashed by Holly calling her "Holly"
Don't you mean
Savannah was abashed by Holly calling her "Vanny"
 
L Anderson Saturday, 16 January 2010
tour writing is more posh than most writers on here
 
Heather M. Sunday, 10 January 2010
I like it
 
Adorkable Thursday, 18 March 2010
This is amazing! I love how you capture the emotions of everybody. I love how you let us inside their heads... Way. To. Go. :)
 
AddyB1 Sunday, 31 July 2011
I am in LOVE with your writing :) it's mahhhvalousss
 
Telepathetic Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Wow, okay. U should edit this for grammar and also, u tend to change tenses which can get annoying.
 
Volatile Wednesday, 29 December 2010
.
 
Volatile Wednesday, 29 December 2010
.
 
katconwell Monday, 24 May 2010
Crap, which book comes after this one?
Or is order important?
I'm assuming it is.. Haha.

Anyways, thanks for the comment.
At first I was like, "Cool, some one stumbled across my book." Then I saw it was you and flipped shit. haha. (:

You're a reallyyyy good writer, b.t.dubs. (:
 
♥cece_toocute♥ Tuesday, 20 April 2010
i loved this book
 
Adorkable Thursday, 18 March 2010
I absolutely loved it. Loved it! Get it published so I can have it on my book shelf... :)
 
seraphinej Monday, 15 February 2010
I luv this book! pleease make more! you really captured popularity, teasing and social levels in this book. make more!
 
Lou Lou Monday, 8 February 2010
That was sooo good! I have been at my computer for hours reading it! You sound like a proper author, as soon as it gets published I am so buying it, it's the kind of book I'd read again and again please write more I loved it to death! lol Paramount is now one of my favourite books! x btw(fyi) you don't need to change a thing! Just add more books!
Sega Parks Saturday, 16 January 2010
Well, the reason why there's so many characters is because I'm trying to be realistic. Most books and TV shows portray a group of friends who only hang out with each other when in real life people have a variety of people they know. Especially the popular crowd. And I'll try to improve on the ending, but I thought the book was getting to long and I always think less is more. Which is why most of the chapters are pretty short. I just get to the point of a chapter and the subject of it.
 
L Anderson Saturday, 16 January 2010
This was an excellent book, but the ending was kind of abrupt. But that's kind of good since you're writing a series and you got people wanting more. But maybe you could write a little bit more. The characters are pretty interesting. My least favorite character would have to be Elisha because she seems self-absorbed. I mean, I feel bad that her parents make her babysit, but she's still conceited. I like Savannah and Andy the most because they're pretty funny. Especially Andy. The social satire in this is spot on. However, I do think Savannah was kind of a bitch to Andy when he was just trying to get to know her. I would kind of want her and Andy getting together or maybe her friend Justin because her and Carter would be too obvious and fairytale like. You have a knack for writing and should keep up the good work. I hope it gets published. :)
 
Carter Bridges Saturday, 16 January 2010
hello???what kind of ending was that???? plus... there's wayyy to much characters in the story that I can't even keep track on... but other than that, it's a pretty good story...:)
 
Midnight Moon ♥ Tuesday, 12 January 2010
You can't just end it there! There must be more of the story. I'min love with it... SHe didn't even kiss someone... ='(
 
Heather M. Tuesday, 12 January 2010
No!!! That's it?
Is there going to be a second book?

Back to book