Ripcode Friday, 2 October 2009
This is also very good! The thing is, stop using 'I' and "it" and all those things that begin a sentence more than twice. It just spoils it. for eg-

'I grabbed my back pack that was on the floor.I pulled on my coat and threw on my sneakers.' you can minimize this to-
'I grabbed my backpack that was on the floor, while I hurriedly pulled on my coat and sneakers' Hope I helped. Great work by the way!
 
~Kristin~ Thursday, 16 July 2009
OMG!!! THIS IS SOO GOOD AMYLIZ!!
 
A secret never to be told Thursday, 14 May 2009
hey again thanks for commenting and rating :)
I read another chapter and enjoyed it very much I will be reading more :)