Smitty: What the Hell? Letme out!
Boyd: You can't go out there now-they're filming LIVE!
Smitty: We're military...THEY LOVE US!
*Smitty opens the back door of the van and hops out to see what the trouble is*
This...is Evangeline Holly, live from a scene of the outbreak that some skeptics are calling “The Jesus Virus”.
[The Camera pulls back and we see the dumbies walking slowly from the darkness and into view. Smitty comes walking up to the anchorwoman...]
Excuse me, hi! Long time viewer, first time participant...umm...I'm going to have to ask you to leave!
Evangeline: We have a right to be here! You see folks! The military is here to SHUT US DOWN!
Smitty: Woah lady! Look, there are some crazy THINGS going on in this area. You might want to LEAVE before something happens!
Evangeline: You hear it live everyone! This SOLDIER is blatantly threatening a helpless civilian female. He is alluding to some sort of death threat. I assure you all on behalf of FOX 5 NEWS, I WILL NOT BACK DOWN. I WILL NOT SIT! I WILL NOT FONDLE THE TESTICLES OF THE OPPRESSIVE MAN-MADE GOVERNMENT!
Smitty: Lady, I'm going to have to ask you to CALM the HELL DOWN!
Evangeline: Or what? You gonna SHOOT me?
[Evangeline walks up close to Smitty but as she is getting closer, she trips on one of her stiletto heels, falls and hits her head on the pavement...]
Smitty: You ok?! Looks like you hit pretty hard there! CAMERA MAN! She your boss?
Cameraman: Yes sir!
Smitty: Look, all we wanna do is clear this blockade. You guys sound like you know whats out here. THOSE THINGS are hungry...and they are almost here. Do yourselves a favor and AM-SCRAY!
Cameraman: I WANT TO! BUT...
Evangeline: PAUL! YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE YOUR WIFE LIKE THIS!
Smitty: Ho! You're married to her? Good luck pal...
*Smitty reaches into his cargo pocket and pulls out a small revolver pistol*
Here! Theres 6 rounds in there. If you can't kill 4..., well, I don't have to tell you what the other two are for...
Paul: Thank you sir! I really don't want to be out here anyways!
Evangeline: PAUL! YOU PUT THAT GUN DOWN THIS INSTANT AND HELP UP YOUR WIFE!
Smitty: Tough titty said the kitty...
*Paul goes over and removes the blockade*
Paul: I used to serve sir. Staff Sergeant before I got out.
Smitty: Then I know you know how to use one of those...
Paul: Sir...I know its asking a lot but...can you PLEASE TAKE US ALONG!
Smitty: Where you tryin' to go?
Paul: Where you goin'?
Smitty: To the “ritz”.
Paul: Ok...Letme-OH GOD!
[As the two men are talking, they don't see that the geeks have made their way to them and have surrounded them. One of them grabs Evangeline by the hair and is dragging her away...]
Evangeline: DO SOMETHING YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF CRAP!
[Paul aims and shoots the geek square in the face, spilling brains and blood all over Evangeline...]
*Boyd jumps out the van armed with a rather large knife*
Smitty: BOYD! BEHIND YOU!
*Boyd turns around and slits the throat of a geek behind him*
*Paul runs over to his wife and picks her up*
You ok baby?
Evangeline: I WOULDVE been MORE OK if you didn't TAKE SO LONG!
Paul: Thank God you're safe then...get to the van now!
Evangeline: EXCUSE ME? ARE YOU ORDERING ME AROUND?!
Paul: Evangeline, please don't do this now! Not with all this happening!
Evangeline: YOU NEED TO TELL THESE PEOPLE YOU WON'T BE...NOR WILL I, GOING WITH THEM!
Paul: THIS IS THE MILITARY WOMAN! They know what they're doing!
*Boyd runs up and stabs a dumbie creeping up behind Paul*
Evangeline: THEY'RE TRYING TO SILENCE US PAUL! THEY WANT TO RAPE US WITH THEIR IDEALS OF CENSORSHIP...AND...AND...SILENCING OF THE AMERICAN WAY!
*Smitty shoots a dumbie in the ear that was crawling on the ground, about to bite Evangeline's ankle*
Paul: NO! YOU'RE GONNA GET IN THAT DAMN VAN! NOW!
Evangeline: Look at you...finally grew some balls! Mother said I should've gotten you FIXED!
Paul: Shut the HELL UP! DAMN!
Evangeline: You gonna shoot me Paul?
*Francis turns around holding a single barrel shotgun*
No, but I WILL! SO do as the man says and kindly SHUT THE HELL UP!
Evangeline: I'm sorry. Please don't shoot me. I'll be quiet! I promise! I promise-
Vonotar: HURRY SIRS! WE GOTTA GO!
*Smitty and Boyd jump in the back of the van and close the doors as Vonotar speeds off*
Smitty: You know...you almost GOT US KILLED! BEING STUBBORN!
Evangeline: YOU started it!
Boyd: I'm ENDING it! Look lady, this is a MILITARY team. If you don't like it, we will gladly hand you over to THEM and you can talk the diplomacy of rape, menstruation... and whatever other terms you wanna use. I'm sure they'd LOVE NOTHING MORE than to pick your brain quite right.
Evangeline: You...You gonna let them talk to me like that?
*Paul extends his hand out to Smitty*
Name's Paul. Thats my wife, Evangeline. We met through AFN. I was just getting back from deployment, and she asked me what was it like to not have sex for a whole year. We got married 2 months later...
Smitty: I'm 2LT Smith. Call me Smitty. This here is my battle, 1LT Boyd, and our soldier, PFC Vonotar. The lady is our medic of the group, Dr. Francis Mandate.
Vonotar: PFC PROMOTABLE THANK YOU!
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