The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 68
Hiding in shadows

Setting up the security system started by contacting the council for permission to install very high poles at strategic positions. Some of them would have security cameras, but one would have a hut on top. I know it’s a bit strange, but it was the idea that we came up with for protecting the surveillance equipment from burglars. Our security cameras had a wireless transmission range of up to 450 metres, which was just long enough to be able to position cameras anywhere on the island and transmit the video back to the hut on the pole on the bridge. The security guards would then use special gloves to pull themselves up the otherwise slippery poles. Getting down was, of course, easy.

My new lifestyle included a lot of sneaking around. We would spend an average of 4 hours a day as security guards, including two hours in the day time and two at night. I would usually listen to audio books while watching the monitors during the day, and at night, if it wasn’t raining, I would climb onto the top of the hut in order to get an unobstructed 360 degree view.

Our black, ninja uniform had many pockets and holsters. It did feel a bit much at times, but we thought it would be best to be prepared for anything. On my left hip I had a holster for my tazer, a gun that shoots out a device to give the target an electric shock. On my right hip I had my holster for my 12 round pepper gun, a gun that shoots pepper balls, horrible things which explode and cause temporary blindness and make it difficult to breath. Also on my right hip was my compact, metal baton. If you pressed the button it would extend and become a long, and dangerous, blunt weapon. In my inside, left pocket I had a mini tape recorder. There was a hole where a cable went through so that I could connect it to the mini binoculars in the outside pocket. The binoculars had a built in, directional microphone, so that I could listen in on, and record conversations. In my inside, right pocket I had my cellular telephone. On my utility belt, I had a thin rope with a small grappling hook, and two sets of handcuffs. The only thing that you may have expected us to have, but was missing, was night vision, although it wasn’t really dark enough to require that.

One Friday night my shift ended at 10pm. I had not visited Shelley in a week, and so I gave her a call from the security hut, asking if she’d like a sneaky visit. It was dark, and the street lamps were not particularly bright. I still had my ninja outfit on, with all my ninja gear, and so I was not very visible. I slid down the pole, and after looking around to see if anyone was around, I climbed up onto the wall of Shelley’s house. She had left her window open, with the light on. From the wall I could get onto a low part of the roof, and so I crept quietly along the roof until I was just above her window. I lay down on the roof, with my head over the gutter to peer into her room and see if it was safe to go in. Her door was closed, and she was sitting on her bed, watching TV. I turned around and put my foot on the gutter to test its strength. The gutter wobbled. I had to think of something else.

I had my rope and grappling hook with me (yes, all ninja security guards have them), and so I hooked it over the apex of the roof. I wrapped the other end of the rope around the gutter to secure it. Holding onto the thin rope I was able to climb over the gutter and land safely with my feet on the windowsill. Shelley got a fright at the sight of the dark shadow in her window, even though she had been expecting me. I bent my knees and, holding onto the open window, I climbed into her room. Shelley’s room was small, with a single bed and a built in wardrobe on the one side and a desk with a small television on the other. Shelley had made space in the one side of the wardrobe, so that if anyone wanted to come into her room I could hide there. We had to whisper very quietly to avoid being heard, so we didn’t talk very much. It made me nervous being there. I imagined her father walking in, seeing this guy dressed in ninja gear climbing into his daughter’s bedroom window, and blowing me away with a shotgun. Perhaps I watch too much television.

‘Hi gorgeous,’ she whispered as I closed the window behind me.

‘Hi ... umm... ‘ I wanted to be original, but could not think of a good word quickly, so I just said ‘Shelley’.

‘Forgot my name, did you?’ she said, smiling.

‘No, was just thinking of a nickname for you,’ I replied, giving her a hug. ‘This is so cool. I feel like a criminal.’

‘You look like a criminal.’

I looked at my black clothing, and into Shelley’s mirror, and yes, I did look rather dodgy. I took off my head gear and utility belt, removing all my accessories until I looked a bit more normal and less like a thief. ‘So, we won’t be able to get out of your room into the rest of the house, will we?’ I asked.

‘Nope,’ she replied.

‘And if I need the loo?’

‘That will be tricky.’

‘Feels a bit like I’m breaking into your jail cell to visit you. A bit messed up for a criminal, isn’t it?’ I suggested.

‘Perhaps I could visit you in your hut when my parents are asleep?’

‘That would be nice,’ I agreed. ‘We could also meet on your roof, if the weather’s good, and you don’t mind climbing out of your window.’

Shelley walked to the window and looked out into the darkness. She opened the window and tugged it to see if it was strong, and then, kneeling on her windowsill, she held onto the window and looked up. She tugged on the gutter to test it.

‘I can lift you up,’ I suggested.

‘Okay,’ she replied.

‘Hold onto the rope,’ I instructed, hugging her ankles, with my knees bent and lifted her until she was high enough to pull herself onto the roof. I followed after her.

Shelley looked around and spotted a flatter part of her roof. ‘Let’s go over there,’ she suggested. Slowly, we crawled over to the flatter roof and lay down, looking up at the moon. ‘We should have brought pillows,’ she pointed out.

‘You can rest your head here,’ I told her, pointing at my chest. She rolled onto her back and rested her head on my chest. ‘This is nice,’ I observed.

Shelley and I continued to visit each other. When her parents were sure that she was asleep, she would sometimes come and visit me in the hut, and sometimes we would sit on the apex of her roof and watch the moonlight reflecting on the lake together. Sometimes we would even go for a romantic night time pedal in the pedola, but we had to be very quiet.

About every second or third night we’d have plans. I’d often make sure that my shift was at about midnight, the ideal time for a visit. The only clue that Shelley’s parents had was her long afternoon naps to recover from the night before.


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