Behind Closed Doors
Author: Auty

Chapter 12

I don't sleep very well on Friday night. I can't stop thinking about tomorrow and how scared I am. When we did sex education a few months ago, they said you could get a STI if you didn't use protection. I don't exactly know what that is but it sounds pretty bad. One thing I do know is that I wish Daddy would protect me. I wish he'd say everything was ok and love me... I can't remember him ever doing that. Not even when Mum was still around. And that was a very long time ago. I don't really remember Mum because she moved out when I was two. Daddy never talks about it and if I bring her up, which I don't, he gets angry and hits me. I think she met someone else, someone who treated her right. Daddy never hit her but he was always out drinking, even then. I haven't heard from her since though on my 7th birthday, I caught a glimpse of a card with my name on it but Daddy tore it up and slapped me like it was my fault.

Saturday morning comes and I'm shaking with nerves. I go downstairs and Daddy is already up for a change and sitting on the stained sofa drinking a bear.
"Good, your awake. Harry is coming at twelve so you better be ready by then. Go put on the dress and brush your hair. Then comes down when your finished".
I do what he says and when I come down, 'Harry' is already there. He is old. And I mean old. He has grey hair and a little grey beard. I feel sick.
"An hour", Daddy says and Harry hands him a wod of notes.
He goes into the front room and Daddy shoves me in and closes the door.
"Hello Leah. I'm Harold but you can call me Harry. You have beautiful eyes".
I don't want compliments from this stranger. I want him to get on with it and go but I whisper thank you to try and get on his good side.
"Lets begin shall we?" He comes over to me and takes my dress off very gently and then lies me on the sofa. He plays with my hair and then lays on top of me,taking his trousers off.

It doesn't feel any better from the first time though at least it doesn't bleed much at all. I close my eyes the whole time and imagine I'm some place else, a princess in another land, banning old sick men and cruel fathers.
When the hour is up, Harry thanks me and gives me a wink. I don't wink back. Daddy asks how I was. Harry says a little tight but worthwhile. I don't know what that means but Daddy seemed annoyed and said to me when Harry had gone, "Loosen up a bit. You have two more clients and if I get any complaints, believe me, you'll regret it".

So I tried 'loosening up' for the next man who was younger but fatter and not as gentle. He treated me like a piece of meat and didn't even care when I winced as he got harder. Luckily he seemed quite satisfied and so did the next one who was black and small and ugly. He grinned at me showing his yellow teeth and then had a full hour before grinning at me again and leaving.
Daddy said nothing when I was finished. I didn't expect a well done but a nod might be nice. He just gestured towards the stairs so I went up them and lay on my mattress trying not to cry. I ached all over and my tummy was really hurting again. This isn't right. I'm going to try Childline again tomorrow and hopefully this time, I'll get through...


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