The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 54

Upon arriving back home, Raymond and I met with Einstein to discuss our plans for the future of Mars. Einstein had ideas for what he called ‘mega machines’, which could be built on the planet’s surface and be used to build large scale objects like hotels, oxygen factories, lakes and other mega machines. Although the lower gravity on Mars would make them easier to build, Einstein said that it wouldn’t really matter that much. The mega machines would be about a hundred metres wide, with large arms and fingers, so that they could move incredibly large objects around easily. Einstein had the idea to build oxygen factories in order to convert the red iron oxide rocks that the surface of Mars was made of into atmosphere. He called it an oxygen factory, just because if you say ‘gas factory’, people won’t really know what you’re talking about, but the factory would really generate more gasses other than oxygen in order to make the correct atmosphere. The Earth’s atmosphere is mostly made of nitrogen. These factories would generate a special blend of gasses that would warm up the planet using the greenhouse effect. It needed to be a lot warmer, because it was further away from the Sun than the Earth was.

Raymond thought that it would be fun to have a large symbol on Mars, so that, if aliens existed, and ever decided to visit our solar system, they would immediately be able to see that intelligent life lived there. He thought it would be funny if Mars was decorated to look like a big eyeball in outer space. I had a good laugh when he mentioned the idea.

‘Perhaps we should run it by the rest of the world first?’ I suggested, ‘Just to see what kind of support or opposition people would have towards us for defacing a planet.’

‘We could make it a pretty eye,’ Raymond suggested, which made sense.

And so, we set up a website with an artist’s impression of what Mars could look like, and allowed people to vote ‘Yes’ or ‘No’, or to give other suggestions. To our surprise we received an overwhelming 98% ‘yes’ response. We didn’t think people would like the idea, although the picture was very pretty. I gave Einstein instructions for overhauling the planet, and the work began on the biggest project ever, which would only take the next 3 years to complete.

Once again, we decided to speed up the next three years of our lives, because we were all excited about seeing the progress of our latest project. Our ages, and birthdays were losing their meanings. My next two birthdays were only really a month apart from each other, because I had only been unfrozen for a month between them. In order to solve the problem of missing loved ones when travelling into the future, it started to become common to use the first of a period of time to be unfrozen. For example, if you travel a month into the future, you would probably be unfrozen on the first day of every week, and if you were travelling a year into the future, you would unfreeze yourself on the first day of every month, and, if you were going to do an even longer trip, you might be unfrozen on the first day of each quarter. That way people were typically unfrozen at the same time, so it was a bit like day and night, where everyone is awake and sleeping at the same time.

By the middle of 2018, two years into the future, about a hundred people had already started their frozen trips to Alpha Centauri. So far, none of them had been able to, nor would have wanted to, have their brains removed. But technology had improved. The replicator was now capable of replicating anything instantly, and so, for the first time in history, the robots would attempt to clone a living animal. The first trial was done on Henry, the hamster. Henry was placed in the replicator and copied. His copy was made instantly, but was dead as soon as it appeared. The robots were baffled. They could copy anything, even a running computer or a robot could be copied and the copy would be in exactly the same state as the original. They even did a test with a bullet. They shot a bullet into the in box, and copied it during the millisecond that it was flying through. The copy shot out from the out box at the same time as the original shot out from the in box.

The robots kept trying, but were unable to copy an animal. They even tried a human, and got the same result.

A month later, the robots succeeded in building a copy of a human without a brain, transplanting the brain into the copied head, and bringing the new human to life. ‘The experiments agree with your suggestion,’ Einstein told me, ‘There’s something in the brain that we cannot copy.’


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