The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 47

Throughout my life I had found that taking on tough challenges was the best way to feel fulfilled. We felt that it would be best to leave for a while, but at the same time I had a desperate desire to accomplish my next big thing. We moved to Zimbabwe.

I’m not quite sure how I managed to convince the others to join me. I suppose they simply enjoyed my quests, and from past experience, had learned to trust me. Einstein had managed to break Arnold out of the holding cell and sent him, along with five more of my robots, including Edison, to stay with me. Einstein was looking after the factory, and he was smart enough to keep it hidden and make all of the decisions there.

Zimbabwe was in a bad state. The crazy thing was that there were plenty of natural resources, and a relatively small population, but because the resources were badly managed, many people lived in fear of their lives and had to settle for a difficult life. The local currency was so worthless that it was no longer used, and people only used pounds and US dollars to trade. Of course the local economy started picking up from the moment we got there. We did, after all, have more money than the country.

The 21st of February, 2011, was Robert Mugabe’s 87th birthday. Jim, a rather comical robot that came with me, liked to joke that the president was a robot, which allowed him to live an abnormally long life. The president had a fantastic and very expensive birth week celebration, while many of the citizens starved to death, and even Kirsty was hinting to me that we should probably do something drastic. I consulted Edison, and asked him to work out a plan to fix the country. Edison already had a plan.

One month later, after collecting the supplies we needed, Raymond and I, armed with special suits that had been upgraded with invisibility over the last two years, and our miniature army of 7 robots left for Harare to pay a visit to the president. Yes, you read correctly, we now had 7 robots, and no, none of the other 6 were pregnant. We had arranged for a special robot to be designed, built and shipped up to Zimbabwe for the specific purpose of running the country.

The plan was to make Jim’s joke real. No, we were not going to turn the president into a robot, but we were going to replace him with one. The seventh robot’s name was Robert. We called him Bob.

The president’s mansion did not have a friendly, white, picket fence. It had high walls with electric wires above them to prevent people from climbing over. Cameras peered over the wall. There were only two guards at the gate, but we had a feeling there were many more on the other side of the wall.

We parked the car about 500 metres down the road. Raymond and I had our suits’ invisibility switched on. One robot took the car and drove off, leaving us to be collected when the mission was completed. We walked away from the road and lay down in the field, watching the mansion through binoculars.

The easiest would have been to send Bob in by himself. There would, however, be a couple of problems with that method. Firstly, the president would be unlikely to be wandering around outside by himself, and so it would seem strange to the guards, and secondly, we couldn’t risk sending Bob in while the president was at home, because, if anyone saw both of them at the same time, things would get complicated. We had to make sure we were in complete control of the situation before attempting anything.

The factory had given us a few toys to use on our mission. We had ten devices for disabling security cameras. All you need to do is clamp them to the wires of a security camera. They will then use the camera to take a photo and display the photo instead of the normal camera view. This would mean that it would seem as if the camera was still operating, but nothing moving in front of the camera would be seen. We could have had more exciting things built, like nano bots that simultaneously attack all the guards, but, since the robots were busy producing cancer cures we decided that we should go for something that was a bit easier to make.

The robots lay in the field and watched through the scopes of high powered tranquillizer sniper rifles. Raymond and I walked towards the wall.

‘Can you see me?’ Raymond asked.

‘It’s weird,’ I replied, ‘you look a bit like a heat haze, and I can obviously see the grass next to your feet.’

I looked at Raymond’s feet. We weren’t entirely invisible. There were no cameras under our feet, so we could see dark patches where our feet were. We would have to be particularly careful not to get too close to anyone. They wouldn’t know what we were, but we would certainly attract a lot of attention if people saw our feet.

We arrived at the wall. I climbed on Raymond’s shoulders and attached the device to a security camera. Raymond had a few small camera’s with transmitters which he threw over the wall. The wall was far away from the house, so it was unlikely that anyone would notice the cameras. They were mounted to long darts, so that they would land the correct way up and stick into the ground. After securing two more cameras we signalled for our team to join us.

Two robots stood guard, one looking to the left, and the other to the right, while the rest of us looked at a screen which displayed the transmission from our cameras. We could see three guards through our cameras. Each guard had an AK-47 rifle. Edison grabbed a camera dart and threw it incredibly precisely to a strategic position in the garden. ‘We need to go this way,’ he whispered, and led us along the wall away from where the guards were.

Edison plugged a screen into a socket in his wrist. The screen displayed the layout of the part of the mansion that we could see through the camera’s. Without looking, Edison threw another dart camera, which landed on the other side of the mansion, and immediately updated the screen with an almost complete layout of the mansion.

‘What you have to understand,’ Edison began, ‘is that most of this diagram is hypothetical. I would suggest going through here. Stick to the right wall. Wait here until the president is by himself. Tranquillize him, hide him under a bed, and then come back for Bob.’

Both Raymond and I were nervous, but incredibly excited at the same time. We fitted our ear pieces, attached shock absorbers to our feet and then Arnold threw us over the wall.

We detached the shock absorbers and threw them back. The cameras that were thrown into the garden would no longer be needed there, so Raymond and I collected some of the cameras and headed inside an open door. Sticking to the right wall, as Edison had suggested, we made our way around the mansion, looking for the president. Wherever we found a suitable hiding spot, we placed a camera and continued searching. The mansion was incredible. I thought that my homes were grand, but after spending some time in that mansion, I had picked up a few tips about interior decorating. Some of it was a bit overboard though, like the two metre wide chandelier, and a fire place that was big enough to walk inside. I guess it was designed for Father Christmas. Every room we went into was huge. It was perfect for us, because we had to make sure we were far enough from anyone else not to be seen. About three minutes after entering we spotted the president. He was eating and watching television with two ladies. Edison had told us to hide him under a bed, so I looked around and tried to figure out where he was likely to go next, and where the closest bedroom would be.

I led Raymond to a large, antique, wooden dining table, half way between the entrance to the room where the president was and the door to the bedroom. We sat under the table, waiting.

About an hour later the president got up. My guess is that he was heading towards the toilet, which was the exact direction we wanted him to go: straight towards us.

I whispered to Raymond that I would shoot the president and he should catch him while I take the shot, so Raymond got out from under the table, while I aimed the tranquillizer. The president looked directly at me. I got a fright and pulled the trigger. The president gasped, but fell forwards instead of backwards. Raymond was behind him, and I was still mostly under the table, so neither of us could catch him. He crashed down into the table and chairs. Raymond and I grabbed his limbs and ran to the bedroom, quickly sliding the body under the bed. The two ladies had heard the noise, and arrived quickly in the room where we had tranquillized the president. I crept slowly to the bathroom and closed the door to make it seem as if the president was in the toilet. I waited a minute until all was quiet, flushed the toilet, and exited the bathroom. We made our way outside.

As soon as we got to the garden, Raymond called Edison and told him that it was safe to send Bob in. Seeing what looked like an 87 year old man flying over a garden wall is probably the funniest sight I’ve ever seen. After Bob had landed safely we explained to him where the president was. Bob threw us back over the wall, to be caught by the robots, and headed off to find the president, and change into the correct clothes. Bob could receive video transmissions, so he was able to use our cameras to navigate his way around the mansion.

On the outside of the wall, we took off our suits and handed them over to two robots whose job it was to retrieve the president. We called the driver robot to fetch us, and he arrived just in time to see the real president flying over the wall. We climbed into the car and headed home, leaving the country in the capable hands of Bob.


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