The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 46
The Police

On the 11th of August, 2010, I was awoken by sirens. My first thought was that the crowds gathering outside were being dispersed, but as I came to my senses I remembered that we were distributing medicine illegally. The thought of being arrested terrified me. Rumour has it that if someone like me goes to prison in South Africa, they will come out HIV positive. I didn’t want to find out if that was true. I jumped out of bed, waking Kirsty in the process.

‘What’s going on?’ she asked.

‘The police,’ I replied anxiously, pointing in the direction of the sirens. ‘Wait here. I’ll get Einstein and we’ll see what they want.’

‘Be careful,’ Kirsty begged.

‘I will.’ I walked out the door and closed it behind me.

‘Take Arnold too!’ Kirsty called from the bedroom.

I phoned the factory and called Einstein and Arnold to join me in the lounge. ‘Bring tranquillizer guns with you, just in case,’ I ordered, ‘and hurry!’

I sent one of the caretaker robots to investigate and let the police in if necessary, and then made my way to the lounge.

‘Hide the guns!’ I shouted at Arnold, who was holding one in each hand, with his fingers on the triggers.

‘Okay, here’s the plan,’ I explained to the two robots, ‘Act normal, and let me do most of the talking. If the police arrest me, tranquillize them. I do not want to go to jail. If we have to do anything to the police, the four of us humans will leave, and Einstein will be in charge of hiding and protecting the factory.’

‘I have an idea,’ Einstein began. ‘We can get some aliens to act as statues and arm them as well, in case there are too many police for the two of us to handle.’

‘Good thinking,’ I replied, ‘Call the factory and make it happen.’

The three of us sat down, waiting to see what would happen next. We could hear the caretaker opening the door and letting the police in. ‘Cancel the aliens. It’s too late,’ I whispered to Einstein.

Two policemen arrived, looking a lot calmer than I had expected. The tall one was holding a newspaper. The three of us stood up and greeted the officers.

‘Morning. I’m Constable De Villiers, and this is Constable Tula.’

I tried to act calm and didn’t shake hands. I was scared that my sweaty palms would give away my fear.

‘Have a seat,’ I told the policemen.

We sat down and Constable De Villiers opened up the newspaper and placed it on the table. I spotted the article immediately, ‘Medical Miracle Causes Chaos.’

‘Crap, I was right!’ I thought to myself, but was confused by the officer’s next question.

‘Is this your car?’ he asked, pointing to a picture in the article of the Batmobile, taken outside the castle.

‘Yes,’ I replied, slowly.

‘On the 14th of May last year we had a report from a man who was tranquillized after he heard a scream and went outside to investigate. He said that there was a fancy, blue car outside. Yesterday he came around to the office with this newspaper and identified this car as the one he saw that night.’

‘I’m not the only one who drives that car,’ I said quickly.

‘Alright, who else drives the car?’ he asked.

‘Arnold,’ I lied, and looked at the robot, who remained calm.

‘Arnold, is that true?’ the constable asked him.

‘No,’ he replied.

‘Check his pockets!’ I shouted, ‘He’s lying!’

De Villiers stood up. ‘Please stand up,’ he ordered to Arnold.

Arnold stood. Arnold and the policeman were both over six foot tall. ‘Show me what’s in your pockets,’ he ordered.

As soon as the officers realized that Arnold had guns in his pockets, both policemen drew their own weapons and aimed them at him.

‘They’re just tranquillizers!’ the three of us shouted.

Arnold carefully placed the tranquillizers on the coffee table.

‘Turn around, and place your hands behind your back,’ Constable De Villiers ordered. He handcuffed Arnold and led him away to be held for further questioning. Tula picked up the two tranquillizers and followed.

‘Come, let’s go tell Kirsty,’ I told Einstein. We arrived in the bedroom and I explained the situation.

‘What happens when Arnold runs out of battery power?’ she asked.

‘We’re screwed,’ I replied.

‘Unless,’ Einstein joined in, ‘he has access to a power socket.’

‘And what is the chance that he’ll be able to stand next to a power socket for long enough to recharge every day without anyone getting suspicious?’ I asked.

‘About 3%’, Einstein calculated.

‘And that’s not the only problem,’ I added, ‘When they find out that he doesn’t have any identification or a passport, they will probably come back to me and charge me for employing an “illegal immigrant”.’

‘Can’t you just make a fake ID for him?’ Kirsty asked.

‘It’s not as simple as in the movies,’ Einstein replied, ‘but we would probably be able to buy a “genuine” one.’

‘This is getting ridiculous,’ I explained. Kirsty agreed.

After we had explained the situation to Raymond and Melissa, we left. The four of us climbed into the car and flew out of the castle grounds. Einstein was in charge of fixing the mess that I had created. He was also tasked to produce and distribute cures until every single cancer victim in the world had received theirs. The cure for HIV would just have to wait.

 

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