The Mischievous Nerd's Guide to World Domination
Author: Stephen Oberauer

Chapter 45
Desperate people

2010 was the year of the FIFA world cup in South Africa. It would be a good thing for the country, because unemployment rates were very high and an influx of tourists could only be good for the country’s economy. That is, if people got a good impression of the country, which I imagined they would, unless too many of them got frightened off by the crime.

I learned a new phrase in 2010, the phrase was ‘Technological unemployment’. It referred to people becoming unemployed because technology was taking over their jobs. Quite silly if you think about it. The greatest minds in the world develop all this technology to improve the world, and the world simply ends up suffering because of it. Of course I was probably the most responsible for increasing technological unemployment, having caused so many computer gaming companies to shut down, and now I had nearly completed my hospital, which would be run entirely by robots.

As usual, when something of importance is on my mind I go and speak to Einstein. This time, however, I was surprised to enter the factory and find a celebration going on. Kirsty, Raymond and Melissa were already in the Factory, there was music playing, and the robots were dancing! Kirsty ran to me, and gave me a hug. ‘We’ve got the cure for cancer,’ she whispered, smiling naughtily, as if there was something sneaky about discovering the cure to one of the world’s worst diseases.

‘Woohoo!’ I shouted, and joined in the celebration. It was just co-incidence that we were about to open the hospital. The hospital didn’t actually have much to do with the cure for cancer, because the cure was a medicine which was safe for anyone to take, so it could simply be posted to wherever it needed to go. There was, unfortunately, a catch. The medicine authorities wanted to understand what was in the medicine, before it would be legal to distribute it in any country. That doesn’t sound too bad, except that in our case, the active ingredient was nano-bots. Trying to explain that to the authorities would be like trying to teach a two year old how to build a computer. Not only that, but we also didn’t want people to know about the robots. Once people know you have something that valuable, everyone will want something from you. Trust me, it’s difficult enough already.

Trying to convince Kirsty’s uncle to take the medicine was not as difficult as I imagined. He had a lot of faith in me, because he knew how successful I was. Well, he knew that I was very successful, but not that I was insanely successful. Besides that, he also mentioned that if the worst that could happen was that he would die, then at least we would have learned that the medicine was no good, rather than letting anyone else be the first test subject. I was quite surprised at how bluntly, and happily he spoke about his possible death.

The next day, Raymond and I had a chat with Einstein, and asked him what he thought about telling the medicine authorities about the ingredients. ‘The truth about our technology will come out some time,’ he replied, ‘it’s really just a matter of when.’ And so, we told them. We sent out books to each medicine authority, detailing the ingredients in the medicine.

By the following day, all sorts of rumours had hit the fan. My business, ‘Impossible Technology’, was all over the news. A flood of emails had arrived, and the computers were sorting them automatically. We had 25,000 requests for the medicine that day, but we were not allowed to use the medicine until we had been given permission. The next day we had over 50,000 requests. We even had crowds starting to gather outside the castle and hospital, and people were trying to climb over the castle walls. I called Einstein. ‘How many people die of cancer every day?’ I asked.

‘About 20,000,’ he replied.

‘20,000?’ I echoed in disbelief.

‘20,000,’ Einstein replied.

It was enough incentive for me to go against the authorities, and start shipping medicine without their permission. The computers replied to every single email to ask them to be patient, and, requesting their shipping details, started sending out medicine. Very little medicine was needed per person. So little, in fact, that one wouldn’t be able to see the minimum quantity of medicine without a microscope. We packaged the medicine in normal size capsules, filled with a liquid that the nano-bots would swim around in.

At the end of the day, I visited the factory to see how things were going. ‘How many pills were sent out?’ I asked one of the robots. ‘37’, he replied.

‘What? Is that all?’ I asked, becoming more and more anxious about how the millions of cancer patients would react when they found out that they may have to wait months or years for their cures.

‘The nano-bots are very complex to build,’ the robot explained. ‘We’re working on a mass production system, but it will take a few months.’

More desperate people gathered outside the castle walls. Some of them had obviously been misinformed, because they had banners up saying things like “THE CURE TO CANCER MUST BE FREE!” The robots installed speakers on top of the walls, and the situation was explained over and over again. Some people left, but many remained. Occasionally someone would throw a rock, which would either hit a speaker, or fly over the castle wall. The castle was no longer a fun place for children; it had become a homing beacon for desperate people to gather.


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